Page 90 of Love You Like That (Excess All Areas 4)

But then he’d realised that sex wasn’t what she needed.

Suddenly, Zoe woke with a start. A gasp escaping her, she sat upright, placing her hand on her chest as she looked around frantically.

“Hey,” he said, reaching for her and pulling her into his arms. He could feel her heart pound against his chest. “You okay?”

She blew out a slow and steady breath. “Nightmare.”

He reached for her hearing aid case on the side table and opened it before handing them to her, waiting while she put them in. “Want to tell me about it?”

“I was barefoot beneath this huge black ballgown that cinched my waist, via a corset tied way too tight. I couldn’t breathe properly. But the skirt was tulle. Lots of it. Layer after layer, threaded with silver ribbon to catch the light. The song was reaching its crescendo, and I was playing the timpani, tuned perfectly to a low D, F, C, and A, like a D minor seven chord.”

It was so like her to remember such small, specific details. He stroked his fingers down her back.

“For a moment, I wondered why there were only four drums. I made sure to stay away from the middle of the surface where the dull, dead vibrations form. Instead, I struck within inches of the rim to ensure the quality of vibration, muting it by placing my fingertips gently on the drum. The sheet music said it was Symphony No. 7, Movement V by Gustaf Mahler, but it didn’t feel like it to me. I looked up, searching for the conductor. But there wasn’t one. And I didn’t know when to come in. When to pause. The tuning gauges were wrong too. Every single one tuned to D. The pedals didn’t work. Nothing felt right. But I couldn’t hear it. The pitch was off, the hammers made the wrong sound. Members of the orchestra started to turn and look at me. And then I woke up.”

Alex gave her a moment to just breathe.

“I’m no dream interpreter, but I have a feeling it’s connected to last night. What made you play? You ready to talk to me about it?”

Zoe attempted to wiggle out of his arms. “I’m not sure what to say. Last night, I took a bath. And when I got out, I felt overwhelmed.”

“Explain.”

Zoe sighed. “You’re you, Alex. And I’m not…”

“You’re not what?”

“I can’t.” She pushed at his chest, but he didn’t budge, just held her while she fought against him. Maybe on another day, he’d tell her how much that turned him on.

“Trust me, Rocky.” He reached for the belt of the dressing gown and deftly wrapped it around her wrists behind her back. “That okay?” he asked, sliding a finger beneath the belt to make sure it wasn’t too tight. It also meant her shoulders were back, and those small breasts of hers pressed against the fabric of her shirt.

Zoe let out a breath and nodded.

Goddamn, he’d restrained her to help her calm down, not to get his dick all happy again. “Now… You’re. Not. What?”

“I’m not enough for you. Or you’re too much for me. I don’t know. It got in my head. But there are times I look at you and I just ache. And I hurt for you. How your dad treated you at the party. I want to protect you from all that… Be the safest space you ever had. Make sure I gave you everything you need. And then I panicked. Because what if this turned out awful and we weren’t friends anymore. Because it’s been hard to make new friends lately. I’ve struggled to make friends my whole life because being bullied at school made it hard to trust anyone. You’re my first in a long time.”

Alex pressed his lips to hers. Firmly. Assertively.

As she gasped, he took the opportunity to slide his tongue between her lips and run it over hers.

Fuck, he wanted desperately to open those buttons on her pyjamas so he could take one of her breasts into his mouth. Instead, he brought his palm to her throat, gently squeezing as he rubbed his thumb along her pulse.

Zoe gasped, her eyes opening suddenly, flashing to his. Panic eased in them.

He pulled away, then gave her one last chaste kiss. “Calmer? Take a deep breath, Rocky.”

Zoe did as he said, and he moved his hand from her neck.

“I’m all in, Zoe. You and me. Moving forward. I know my past may suggest I’m not a strong bet. But I have a secret. Unlike the rest of the band, I want to find a person to spend the rest of my life with so fucking badly.”

Zoe’s eyes went wide. “You do? But the way you…well, you slept around a lot.”

Alex sighed. “Yeah. It’s complicated. I tried to find someone. But I kept getting hurt, usually because of who I am. Until it was easier to just not risk the hurt of it all. I’m older now. A better person, hopefully. I think I’ll be a good partner. But you made me want to try it again.”

“Who hurt you?”

“I’ll share that with you. But not right now. I want this to be about us. Listen to me, Zoe. You get me. I have fun with you. I laugh with you. And this. You, with your arms restrained behind you, in men’s pyjamas. You devastate me. It’s almost impossible to keep my dick in my joggers because, honestly, Rocky, I want to fuck you. But not as much as I want to get inside that head of yours and clear out whatever clutter is in there that makes you think you are less than me, and that this, you and me, doesn’t deserve a shot.”

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