Page 40 of Love You Like That (Excess All Areas 4)

And with that she left the room, but not before she caught sight of Alex in one of the mirrors, adjusting himself discreetly.

Which made her wonder if he felt the thing happening between them as she did.

And whether it was healthy for either of them to feel anything at all.

“Hey, Alex. Can I speak with you for a moment?”

The Welsh accent coming from behind him as he made his way to the toilet after the gig in York could only come from one person.

“Can it wait, sweetheart?” Alex said. “Kind of a dripping mess right now.” And he’d been anxious the whole show to check in on Zoe. After she’d agreed to let him get her a ride, she’d put her walls back up again. Apologising for losing it, claiming she was fine.

“It’ll only take a minute. I promise. I just wanted to talk to you about what happened between me and Zoe.”

There was hurt in her tone, unusual for the usually confident Cerys. “Sure.”

Cerys sighed. “I just… I like you, Alex, but I’ve also been around you for a while now. I think you can help her.”

“Help her how?”

Cerys looked up at him, her strawberry blonde hair up in a ponytail. He could see why his best friend had fallen for her, pretty as she was, and kind-hearted. The smooth to Jase’s rough. They complemented each other.

“Can I show you something?” she asked.

“Sure.”

Cerys fished her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans and scrolled around for a moment. When she handed the phone to him, it was a video, a small stage filled with musical equipment. But there was Zoe. Her hair was longer. Straighter. More…typically mainstream. It would have been fun to wrap it around his hand while he fucked her, but he preferred the edgier way she wore it now.

The applause died down, and Zoe said something to a man who stood just off stage.

“That’s her favourite lecturer, Doctor Boncaldo. He was a total dick… I couldn’t stand him as a lecturer. But he understood Zoe and they worked well together. They were always joking or arguing about something.”

Alex could see the pride in the man’s eyes. More like father and daughter.

Then Zoe began to play the marimba.

“It’s ‘Velocities’ by Joseph Schwantner. Four mallets and...”

Cerys’s explanations faded into the hallway as he watched Zoe play with such intensity and focus. He only ever played with two mallets; their songs didn’t need the intensity. But the speed, the variable spread of the mallets. And the music… The auditorium was silent.

And Zoe was…spectacular.

Passion poured from her as music streamed from her fingers. He wasn’t classically trained so didn’t have the words to describe what he was seeing. It was like watching a tiny miracle happen. The kind that made the chest expand and everything come into focus.

But somehow, it felt wrong watching her. If Zoe wanted him to see her play, she would have shown him.

He pressed pause and handed the phone back to Cerys.

“Her musicality and phrasing were unlike anything Boncaldo had ever seen. He was convinced she had it in her to go all the way to the top. And she still can. It’s possible for her to play. She’s just scared. I know she’ll find it tough starting again. But she loves it, too. It was everything she ever wanted to be. More than I ever did. I never met someone so driven. That’s why. That’s why I’m finding it so hard to let go of her playing. I just wanted something, or someone, to shock her back into playing. When you and her started spending time together, I kind of hoped you could persuade her to start playing again.”

Alex leaned back against the utilitarian grey concrete wall. “No.”

“What do you mean, no?”

“I know you love her. And I know you care about her. And I know you have her best interests at heart. But it’s saviourism, Cerys. She’s deaf, not stupid, or incompetent. She’s not a dog you can lead back to music with treats or by leaving musical instruments lying around in the hope she’ll pick them back up again.”

Cerys’s eyes went wide. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it. I just…she loves music. And it hurts—”

“You. It hurts you to not see her playing. Zoe is the only one who can decide what hurts her. Zoe is the only one who can decide what she wants to fill her life with. I know you’ve walked by her side this whole journey, Cerys. And I’m sure you’ve been the greatest friend because you have such a good heart. But that is all you have done. Walk alongside her. You haven’t walked a mile in her shoes. You’ve walked a mile next to her in yours. You’re projecting what you’d do if you were her. You’ve decided that the best path through life is music. She has to decide.”

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