Page 79 of How Good It Was (Excess All Areas 3)

Jesus.

More kids.

A family that was tight as a unit. Him, Willow, and their kids against the world.

Words didn’t even begin to describe the warmth that filled him as he thought about it. Day trips to Blackpool to ride donkeys on the sand, possibly with his sister and Matt’s kids.

But absence.

No, there were no words for the panic that filled him at the thought that less than ten months from now, Willow and his son could be out of his life across an ocean. He had to persuade her to stay.

And to persuade her to stay, he had to make her understand his feelings were real, but more importantly, that he wouldn’t use her. That she could trust him when every other man in her life had let her down.

Fuck.

“You okay?” Matt asked.

Luke shook his head. “Nah. Bricking it, to be honest.”

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked.

“I’m having a son,” he said, wondering why it had taken him eleven days to tell them. Wondering if it was ridiculous to pull out the ultrasound images. He did it anyway. “He’s definitely a Cletus and healthy.”

Ben slapped him on the shoulder. “That’s amazing. A son. That’s pretty cool.”

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it, that he’s healthy?” Jase asked.

“It is. But I had an epiphany while we were in there.”

As he proceeded to tell them everything, he felt as though his chest was collapsing. Panic began to wrap its icy fingers around his throat, squeezing it tightly. He tugged the collar of his T-shirt away from his neck.

“Jase, get him a chair,” Matt said, sliding his shoulder beneath Luke’s arm. “It’s happening again, isn’t it?”

Fuck.

Panic.

The four walls of the cavernous space crowded him. His skin burned with prickly heat. And his heart felt as though it was dropping ten floors every third beat.

“Sorry,” he gasped.

“You need to see a doctor, mate,” Alex said, handing him a bottle of water.

Luke placed the ice-cold liquid to the back of his neck and checked the door was closed. He didn’t want the label to see, or his drum tech, or all the new people he had to work with. But he couldn’t regain his breath and his teeth chattered furiously, causing his whole body to shudder.

Ben crouched down in front of him. “Breathe. Slow and steady. Count in for five, out for five.”

“I don’t know why this is happening,” he muttered when he could finally speak.

“I asked Chaya about it. She said it’s important to look for triggers.”

“You told Chaya?”

“She’s not going to say anything, mate. But thinking of triggers, the two times we’ve seen it happen is when you’ve been thinking about Willow and the baby. Has it happened any other time?”

Luke shook his head. “No. But there’s been a shit-ton of stress.”

“You need to speak with a therapist,” Jase said. “They’re really helpful.”

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