Page 87 of Next Time I Fall (Excess All Areas 2)

Jase nodded. “True story. Always felt he needed a name of his own, seeing he acts independent of my brain half the time.”

“Why Little Jase, though? Like,littleisn’t ... ” Cerys glanced over to Matt and blushed, realising what she was saying and who she was saying it in front of.

“Are you asking why my dick’s name is Little when it’s actually huge?”

“I’m going.” She hopped off the stage.

“But, sunshine. You were just about to say the sweetest thing about my—”

“Enjoy the rest of your day,” she blustered, and Jase grinned as the studio door shut behind her. God, he was a lucky fucking guy.

“Urgh. It’s almost pathetic watching you watch the door she just left through,” Matt said.

“It’s almost pathetic doing it.” Jase shrugged. “Can’t explain why it doesn’t feel it, though. What’s up?”

Matt dropped his pad and pencil onto the stage and sat down on the edge. “Jimmy wants us to make a start on the final song because he got into something with Alex and Luke. Wants us to try and get the outline down today, meaning we’ll be here until the early hours.”

Jase looked at the blank piece of paper and felt a wave of emotion rise. But it wasn’t the huge swell of the past. It was a gentle churn. Something manageable. Something he could easily wade through.

And he’d worry later about whether Jimmy’s decision to do this right now and work them until late was a way to keep him from Cerys. Perhaps even talk to Cerys about it to see if she thought that was what he was doing.

“Where do we start?” he asked.

Matt lay back on the stage and put his elbows behind his head. “How did it work when you wrote those other songs?”

“Honestly. I stormed around Bexter’s studio while Cerys wrote down everything I spewed out. Then we looked for themes, and sentences or words that stood out, and started grouping shit together. We’d take a break, go back to it and see if it still made sense. Try to put a structure around it.” Jase joined Matt on the edge of the stage.

“Do you have a topic idea?”

Jase buried the urge to say no. “Yeah. Bonds. The way that we’re still here, as a band. You and me. After all the shit, the drinking, the coke, the sex, the dicking around. I guess the idea that some bonds are so fucking durable they can be tested every day our entire lives and they just won’t break. I think it’s the idea that, you know, I might fucking stumble. But I know the next time I fall, you’ll catch me. Nan’ll catch me. The next time I fall I won’t feel like I’m on my own. The next time I fall ...”

The next time I fall in love it will be with you, Cerys.

He remembered the words he’d said to her, and the image of her spinning around on the stage, making him feel better, appeared in his mind. So lovely, and, God, he fucking loved her.

There was no falling to be done.

He’d already fucking fallen.

Matt cracked one eye open. “Why do you look like you just ate one of those slugs that make it under Nan’s back door?”

“I love Cerys.”

“No shit. But why does that make you look like you’re constipated?”

“Because I ... fuck.” He rubbed his fist against his sternum.

Matt laughed. “Yeah. Love can make you do stupid things. I’m not exactly immune. You can distil it down to the bonds we build and who will be there for you, no matter how or why you fall. ‘Next Time I Fall.’ I like that as a title. Says what you meant, really. That the bonds we all have are so strong they can withstand any failure. And it’s human, to fail. We all do. I failed Iz. I failed her so fucking badly it hurts to think about it. But she forgave me. And I failed you. And you’ve forgiven me. And I failed Luke. He’s forgiven me ...andyou. So, yeah, next time I fall, I know you will all be there too.”

Jase lay back on the stage like his brother, mirroring his pose. “I saw a news article the other day that called us half-brothers. I didn’t like it. And it was funny, because I know we’ve fought and all that shit, but it got me all fucking wound up that someone outside of you and me tried to put a label on what our relationship is to each other.”

Matt sighed. “I never think about it, to be truthful. The labels and shit. Seems like you, me, and Nan is how it’s always been, right? Half-brothers is a line on a flowchart, not a relationship.”

“Ironically, I’ve been such a shit to you, that the line probably means something nicer than we’ve been.”

“Thank you for letting Iz go,” Matt said gruffly.

“I should never have tried to keep hold of her in the first place. Did I tell you she asked me if I was dying when I apologised?”

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