Page 74 of Next Time I Fall (Excess All Areas 2)

Jimmy smiled softly. “But you aren’t sorry for saying it.”

“I meant it, but I should have said it in a kinder way.”

Jimmy got up and walked to a wall of photographs, looking carefully at one of them. “No. You should have said it exactly the way you said it. I don’t think anybody has told me to get my head out of my ass quite so succinctly since a sweet Welsh backing singer a quarter of a century ago or so.”

Cerys took a deep breath at the mention of her mother.

“It’s really fucking amazing, Cerys.”

Her eyes flashed to his. “What? I—”

“You heard me.”

“I think I might need you to say it again.”

The corner of her father’s mouth twitched as he looked at her. “It’s really fucking amazing, Cerys. You have a gift. Some of the comments you’ve made at the studio bugged me because they were things I should’ve picked up on. I’ve become complacent. Jaded, maybe. I think I might need to take some time out from constantly working and fill up my creative well again.”

“You liked my suggestions?”

“That it’s a shock to you shows just how badly I screwed up. I should have thanked you. For the suggestions. For the way you handled Young Punk’s team. For this. You’re right. The edge in this song, this is how Sad Fridays should sound. And somewhere along the way, I’d forgotten whose side I’m on. I started as an artist’s producer, and yet, somehow, I’ve become the label’s.”

Thoughts came into her head too thick and fast to process them beyond one: He loved their song.

“We can fix it, right? There’s time. We threw this together in two days. The band still have session time with us. We can figure out the story. We can re-engineer the sound. What they’ve done so far has made them doubt themselves.” Cerys stood and walked towards him. “We can get them in this afternoon. We can talk them through it. It will be—”

“You look so much like your mom when you get passionate about something that it makes me nostalgic.”

“Today’s the first time you’ve really mentioned her,” she said quietly.

Her father looked back to the wall of photos. Several included her mum. “How is she?”

“She’s good. Happy enough.”

“I was a dick back then. She deserved so much better than me.”

Cerys nodded. “She did.”

Her father huffed a laugh. “Smart-ass. Did she ever find him? Get married?”

She shook her head. “No. She just threw herself into raising me, then her tearoom.”

“I should call her.”

“Why?”

His eyes met hers. “To tell her she did good. Raising you. You’re a good human being. It took balls to come out. Took bigger balls to stay. I’m sorry. There’s a lot to work out, isn’t there?”

Cerys nodded. It shouldn’t mean so much, after all this time, that her father liked who she was. But she was stunned to find it did. Like a missing piece slotting into the puzzle.

“I don’t know shit about being a dad. I was terrified, Cerys. I couldn’t compartmentalise family and the career and life I wanted. Yet over the years, I’ve seen lots of people make it work. And I envy it. I did a lot of thinking last night. I think the reason I’ve kept you at arm’s length since you got here was because it was less painful than admitting what I missed out on with you. Because, I have to tell you, in the small hours of this morning, that really hurt. If you’d not come to see me this morning, I would have come to you.”

A tear escaped and ran down her cheek. Gone were thoughts about production and bands and studios. In their place was the gaping hole she’d buried and tried to fill with music. “It hurt me too. You not wanting me.”

“I can only imagine. I’m sorry, Cerys. It was never you.”

Another tear followed, and another, until she was sobbing. Jimmy pulled her into his arms, and she felt a new kind of security—different to that which she felt with Jase. Like the castle walls at the end of her mum’s garden, they felt solid and timeless.

“What was it you said about the band? Look what we accomplished in two days? Same goes for us, I think. Here.” He pulled a tissue from a box and handed it to her.

---