Page 81 of One Day Like This (Excess All Areas 1)

“You fucked it up because you’re an idiot sometimes.”

Matt coughed and swallowed at the same time. “Nan. You don’t even know what I did.”

“I know. But it’s easier to rip the plaster off quickly and say where we’ll end up in this conversation. You wouldn’t have got blind drunk and ended up here if you were certain you hadn’t done something stupid.”

Matt drank the rest of his glass of water to clear his throat. He hated to admit it, but she was right. “You couldn’t have been a bit more tactful?”

“Why? Where does being tactful get you? Tell me what happened.”

In between bites of his bacon sandwich, Matt relayed the rehearsal he’d had with the band that had put him in such a bad mood. Jase’s pushback on the song, on the song lineup, and his inflexibility when it came to the rehearsal schedule. When he was done, she took another long drink of her tea.

“The irony is, you’re both right. Jase is right. You do control the band. I love your Auntie Pat, and I love those boys of hers. But Ben and Alex don’t have the same drive you do. You’d never have made a penny if either of those two were in charge. Jase has more talent in his fingertips than most of us have in our entire bodies. But he doesn’t trust it.”

“Nan ... he swaggers around telling anybody who’ll listen he’s the next coming of Jesus.”

“Matt. For a smart lad, you’re really stupid sometimes.”

“Wow. Doubling down on telling me I’m stupid.”

She laughed. “I’m not the one three sheets to the wind after a crappy day. Anyway, your brother. He doesn’t have an ounce of true confidence, and if you haven’t realised all the bravado, all the swagger, all the boasting about how great he is is an act, then you’re just as stupid as I’ve been saying.”

Her words hit Matt right in his solar plexus. She couldn’t have hit him harder if she’d hit him in the chest with a hammer. Jase wasn’t tough, he was vulnerable. He wasn’t an arrogant piece of shit, he was ... struggling too.

Fuck.

How had he never seen it?

“He needs you to be in control, Matt, and he hates that. He hates relying on you because he hates relying on anyone. He hasn’t trusted a single person since his dad went to prison for what he did to Jase when he was six. And why should he? Everyone up until then let him down. I certainly did. Didn’t see what was happening right under my eyes. His mum let him down, nearly killing the pair of you. His dad let him down, treating him like he did. But Jase wishes he had half of your confidence and business acumen, and it burns him that he doesn’t. He knows you’re right, he knows the way you handle the band is the right one. He just wishes he could come up with the suggestions you do. It just chaps his arse he can’t be you.”

“Beme? He hates me.”

“No, Matt. He loves you and envies you in a way I think goes much deeper than the band. He wishes he could write songs like you can, and he wishes he had a friend as loyal to him as Luke is to you. He needs control in his life. And the only control he has is to push back against you, even if it makes no sense to youorhim. He needs you and you need him. You’re like Sheringham and Cole.”

“They hated each other when they played together at Man United.”

“Maybe, but between the two of them, they created a brilliance that led to a shit ton of goals scored between them.”

Matt ran his hands over his face and leaned back in his chair. He took a sip of tea, letting it warm his insides.

“I’ve fucked up with Luke too.”

Nan placed her mug on the table. “What did you do?”

“I’m in love with Izabel.”

When his nan reached for his hand, he let her take it. “Oh, Matt. How did Luke take it? After the Jase fiasco ...”

“I haven’t told him. When Jase slept with her, it fucked everything up. Luke lost some of his trust in Jase, and by association, me. But I’ve been in love with her a long time. And shit, I fucked it up with her tonight too. Fucking hell, Nan.” He placed his arms on the table and laid his head in them. “You’re right. I’m an idiot.”

“Wait. I’m confused. If no one knows, then what have you fucked up?”

“You were right. What you noticed. I’ve fallen arse over face for Iz. I love her, Nan. It’s been going on since the wedding. But I asked her to keep it quiet so it doesn’t disrupt the band. And tonight, I thought I saw a guy flirting with her and I lost my shit because I was still mad from the band meeting and Jase. I came in hot. She said I’m the one in control of everything, but I honestly don’t feel like I’m in control of anything right now. Not even my own life.”

He looked up, expecting to see disappointment, but all he saw was what he usually saw. Unconditional love.

“I’ve been trying to do these pros and cons all night. Pros: I love Iz, she loves me. Con: I lose the band, I lose my best friend. Fuck, Nan. It’s making my head spin.”

“I think you’ll find that’s the alcohol and whatever else it is you boys do. I wish I could help you figure out what to do, I really do. But I’ll say this. You can’t put your heart so neatly into two columns. If you try, you’ll break it into pieces. This isn’t an intellectual problem, it’s an emotional one. You can’t solve it with intellectual means.”

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