Page 8 of Until You

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. It wasn’t that he didn’t want a future with her. He did, more than anything. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Kayla was perfect in every single way. It was him. He needed to make sure—to be fully, completely sure—that he was the man she deserved. That he wasn’t going to backslide into vices and destruction and drag her down with him. It wasn’t her he wasn’t sure of.

It was himself.

He didn’t drink anymore, and he hadn’t gambled in over two years, although he’d had occasional urges that scared the living shit out of him. He was still in therapy, and working every single day to mold himself into a man worthy of marrying Kayla. Healthy and whole and capable of taking care of her the way she deserved.

Every single time he thought he was ready, something would spike inside him. Fear, uncertainty, self-doubt. A little voice telling him that he needed to keep working on himself. That he wasn’t quite good enough yet.

But now, that voice was silent. It had been for weeks.

He sat down on the bed and popped the box open, staring down at the pear-shaped diamond. It was surrounded with a cluster of smaller diamonds that made it look like a snowflake, and he’d known it was the right one the second he’d laid eyes on it. The snowflake reminded him of falling for her in that cabin, snowed in together. His life had changed in the span of just a few days with her in that little cabin. A diamond snowflake—it was perfect.

And now, he was ready. Finally. He knew he’d already waited too long, and he had the feeling that was why Kayla had been quiet and distant for the past couple of days. Attending yet another wedding was making her wonder where they were headed and what was taking him so long.

He should’ve asked her a year ago. He knew that. But he couldn’t change the past—something he’d learned to accept in therapy—and all he could do was move forward. And he was planning to move forward this weekend. All he had to do was find the perfect quiet moment to ask her. He didn’t want to steal Lucian and Olivia’s thunder, but that ring was going to be on Kayla’s finger on the flight home. It was time. He was ready.

He heard footsteps coming down the hall, so he quickly shut the box and stuffed it into his pocket. Kayla pushed through the door and it felt as though all of the air had been sucked out of his lungs.

“Shit, baby,” he murmured, shoving a hand through his hair and rising from the bed. Kayla’s thick blond hair was sleek and straight and pulled back into a high ponytail, and her makeup was pretty and fresh, highlighting her enormous green eyes and full lips. And her dress…fuck. It was a simple black cocktail dress, but the way it clung to her curves had his mouth watering and his blood heating. “You look amazing.”

She grinned at him, a real, genuine smile and smoothed her hands up over his shirt, straightening his collar. “You clean up pretty nice, too, Bastian.” He’d opted for light gray dress pants with a white dress shirt open at the collar, no tie. She slid her hands lower, grabbing two fistfuls of his ass. “You know I love your ass in these pants.”

He dipped his head, inhaling her scent. She smelled like floral perfume and Kayla, and he kissed the spot just below her ear. “You know I love your ass always.”

She let out a shivery little moan but then stepped away from him. “We need to get going. You’re the best man; you can’t be late for the rehearsal.”

He nodded, watching as she gathered up her purse and checked her phone and then headed out the door without looking back at him. Pulling away. Again. He slipped his hand into his pocket and closed his fingers around the small box.

Tonight. He needed to ask her tonight.

* * *

The rehearsal dinner was taking place at one of Lucian’s many restaurants, which was closed to the public for the night’s event. The rehearsal itself had gone off without a hitch, and Sebastian had been completely wowed by the ceremony location. He hadn’t even known there was a hidden rooftop terrace that overlooked St. Patrick’s Cathedral, but there was, and it was where Lucian and Olivia would be saying their vows in front of their friends and family tomorrow afternoon. Once they’d gone through the ceremony and everyone knew what they were supposed to do, immediate family and close friends had all come to the restaurant, which was dripping in pink peonies and some elaborate purple flowers Sebastian couldn’t name. Servers circulated through the crowd with trays of champagne, and the tables were laden with family-style dishes. A green salad, chicken, beef tenderloin, salmon, sweet potatoes, sauteed vegetables, and rice, all to be passed around and shared.

As he took it all in, he wondered what kind of wedding Kayla would want. They’d talked about the fact that marriage was in their future, but they hadn’t spent any time talking about the nuts and bolts of an actual wedding.

“I think that went well,” said Lucian from behind Sebastian, and he turned. He was wearing a navy blue suit and matching shirt. He’d ditched his tie, and his shirt was open at the collar.

Sebastian nodded, a tightness working its way up his chest and into his throat. “It did. I can’t believe that ceremony venue. It’s going to be amazing tomorrow.”

Lucian gazed across the restaurant, a peaceful, contented smile on his lips. “It’s nice having everyone together like this.”

Sebastian threw an arm around his brother who was so much more than a brother to him. He was a father, a protector, a savior, all in one. “Is that your way of saying you miss having us around?”

Lucian looked at him with an arched eyebrow. “Of course I miss having you around. You’re my family.” He said it as though it were the simplest thing in the whole world.

Sebastian tilted his head toward a quieter corner of the restaurant, away from the buzz of food and conversation and music. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Lucian studied him. “Is everything okay?” he asked in a lowered voice, his eyes glittering intently.

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah. Just…some things I don’t want to put in my speech. But I still want you to hear them.”

Lucian raised an eyebrow and then nodded. “Okay.”

They moved into the corner and sat down at an unoccupied booth. Lucian looked around, his shoulders stiff with tension until his gaze landed on Olivia, who was wearing a champagne-colored dress that showed off her tiny waist and long legs. She was talking animatedly with Kayla and Lauren, while Willa held and bounced little Cora.

“Maybe I’m the one who should be asking you if everything’s okay,” said Sebastian cautiously. Lucian blinked and then turned his attention to his brother.

“It’s nothing.” But he turned and made eye contact with a giant of a man standing near the entrance. He was so big Sebastian could practically hear the seams of his suit straining to keep his muscular bulk contained. His dark curls fell around his face, his expression grim. He met Lucian’s gaze and nodded, then spoke into his wrist.

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