Page 23 of Paradise

“You guys can fuck while we watch this, if you want, I don’t mind.” Levi suggests, killing the moment as always and making me pull my hand back on top of the covers.

Carson breathes heavier into my ear, “You want me to? Fuck you right here for Levi to see?”

My stomach drops to my ass, feeling turned on by his words. He’s never said anything like that. He’s always a possessive caveman above anything,especiallywith Levi after what happened between us before we officially got together.

I shake my head, not feeling bold enough. “No.”

“You sure?” he muses, his breath hot against my skin. “I’m so fucking horny for you, I wouldn’t even care if he saw.”

I turn to look at him, trying to read if he means the words or if it would cause a fight. When he smirks at me, I kiss him. His hands grab onto my hair, and he slides his tongue into my mouth. I pull back as he’s twisting my hair in his fingers. “Watch the movie, Carson.”

* * *

Levi and Carson both fall asleep during the movie, so when it ends, I do my best to crawl out from under the blanket without waking them. I creep out to the balcony, closing the door behind me, before I drop down onto the sofa to stare out at the night sky.

The stars sparkle so brightly here, even with the lights from the line of resorts on the beach’s edge. It’s mesmerizing. I find myself getting lost in the twinkles of the stars, imagining what my mom would think of this place. What would she think of the life me and my dad live now, taking lavish vacations to Hawaii and driving expensive cars. Would she be happy for us, or would she resent that she never saw wealth like this?

Would she be disappointed that I wear designer clothes and spend time with a group of spoiled boys? Or would she see how truly fucking happy I am now, and forget about the rest?

I love Sara, but there is nothing in the world like the love from your mom.

I feel myself start to get sad, missing her when I should be filled with so much joy that I want to burst.

Standing up, I walk to the balcony’s edge to hold on to the railing and look out at the ocean kissing the shore. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath in and think about all the good in my life.

Carson.

I lost someone, but with that loss came a gain. In the midst of my grief, Carson gave me a reason to breathe again. He gave me something to look forward to before I open my eyes each morning. He gave me not only a lover, but a best friend.

A soulmate.

I’m smiling when I open my eyes again, so I go back to the sofa and sit down.

I’m thankful to be where I am, no matter how much pain I had to go through to get here. With great pain, came great happiness. Part of me knows that without the loss of my mom, I would have never met Carson. But the other part just wishes I could introduce them. I know they would love each other like family, because Carson fits into my life so seamlessly and effortlessly.

I hear the door open behind me, so I turn to look at who it is.

Carson comes outside, running a hand through his hair before he turns to close the door behind him.

“What are you doing out here?” he asks, walking toward me.

“Just thinking.”

“What are you thinking about?”

“You,” I say, smiling.

“Oh? What about me?” Standing before me, he puts a hand against my cheek.

“How much I love you,” I tell him, looking up into his eyes. “How much you changed my life, how I never want to live without you.”

He grins, leaning down to kiss me once on the lips. “Why don’t you come to bed? Levi went to his room.”

I stare at him, feeling so complete as I focus on his eyes.

Sliding my hands around his hips, I play with the hem of his sweatpants. “Why don’t we stay out here?”

His brows go up. “Yeah?”

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