Page 95 of The Star

I drop to the floor, my eyes glazing over as a million different scenarios cross through my mind at 100 miles per hour. My chest burns from how tight it is, my lungs exhausted from trying to gasp down oxygen through my panic attack. My head spins, making me lay my palms flat on the floor to try and balance myself.

“I don’t think now is the time, Gary,” Carson bites out, falling to the floor with me to wrap his arms around me. “Logan, it’s okay. Take a deep breath for me.”

I look at Carson, finding his deep blue eyes wild and worried. “Carson… Did he kill my mom?”

He kisses my face, my head, my jaw, my hands, rubbing his palms down my back and arms. “No, Logan, I don’t think so.”

“Your mom knew about Sara.” My dad speaks, making both of us tip our heads to look at him. “She was seeing someone as well, Logan. We’d been having problems for years, and we were waiting until you graduated and went to college to split. I didn’t hurt her, Lo. I would never hurt her; she was my best friend. She was out one night with the man she was seeing, and on her way home, she got hit. It was a freak accident, Logan. Anaccident.”

Tears slip from my eyes, pulling a sob from my mouth with them that makes my whole body shake. My mind feels like static, unable to pinpoint a singular thought from the noise of blood rushing in my ears. I put my face into Carson’s shirt and cry, feeling the loss of my mother and the lies of my father.

“I think you should walk away now, Gary,” Carson says, wrapping his arms so tight around me that it pulls the air from my lungs. “Go talk to my mom and leave us alone.”

I don’t know what my dad says in response, I don’t even know if he walks away, I just squeeze my eyes tight as I sob into Carson’s chest, hoping and praying that the pain is coming out with my tears. Carson lifts me, standing up on his powerful legs as he does, wrapping me around his body so he can carry me upstairs.

He goes into my room, closing the door behind us and lays us both down on my bed. Pulling me on top of him, he rubs his hands down my back as I continue to cry. He lets me cry until I feel stable enough to stop, until my eyes can’t produce any more tears, and I finally rub my snotty nose on his t-shirt. He laughs as I do, then when I look up at him, he rubs his thumbs underneath my eyes to collect my remaining tears.

“You said you loved me.” He grins, rubbing his dry nose on my wet one.

I kiss him through the wetness that runs from my cheeks to my mouth, making everything taste salty. Sliding my tongue against his, I feel the warmth radiate from his mouth to my own as we kiss passionately.

He pulls back after a minute. “Say it.”

I keep my eyes closed as a way to shield myself from the vulnerability of this moment, but whisper against his mouth anyways. “I love you.”

I feel his mouth tip up at the sides as he smiles. “I love you too, Logan.”

forty-four

LOGAN

Ilay in Carson’s arms in silence, just listening to his heart beating through his chest as I go over everything in my head. After about an hour, there’s a knock at the door. I shoot up, shuffling away from Carson on the bed just as my dad is pushing my bedroom door open.

“Logan?” He steps past the threshold, his face grief-stricken. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” I answer, moving so I’m sitting next to Carson against my headboard. “Come on in.”

“Alone?” He eyes Carson.

“I’m just going to tell him everything you say. Might as well let him stay.”

Carson chuckles as my father nods and steps farther into the room, leaning against my dresser before he looks at me.

“We’re going to move back to Franklin for a little while.”

“What?!” I yell, and when Carson’s hand grabs mine like he’s trying to keep me in place, panic runs through my system. I look at Carson, and in his face, I see that he’s panicking too as he thinks about me leaving. “No, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Logan…” His voice is as exhausted as his face looks. Sighing, he runs his hand down his face as his eyes fill with tears. “Sara and I are going to take some time apart. I spoke to the realtor that sold the house, and she has a rental we can stay in down the street from Franklin High.”

“No!” I shake my head. “You can’t keep dragging me from place to place behind you!”

“You don’t have a choice, Logan. Please… don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” my dad says, his tone soft and defeated.

“I do have a choice!” I yell, standing from my bed. “Sara will let me stay here.”

I run from my room, down the stairs and across the house until I find Sara sitting out on the deck by the pool, nursing a glass of wine. Sliding the doors open, I run outside. “Sara!”

She turns to look at me, her face fresh like she’s just taken a shower, and when she sees the panic in my eyes, she stands up to catch me as I run into her arms. “Don’t let him take me away, Sara. Please. Let me stay here with you guys.”

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