Page 30 of The Star

“So much that you couldn’t even tell me I’m getting a new mommy in November,” I grumble under my breath, rolling my eyes.

He puts a hand on my arm, softening his voice. “No one will ever replace your mom, honey.”

I snap my head up, meeting his gaze. “Why didn’t you tell me? I got ambushed by Sara. I should have found out from you.”

He nods. “I know... I know. I’m so sorry.”

“You know…” I shake my head as I look down into my lap. “Mom died, and everything changed. It’s like you turned into a different person.” I blow out a breath, trying to calm the tears I feel licking at the back of my eyelids. “You move me here, with barely any warning, and I didn’t put up a fight. I just… did it. I just left my home, my friends, my school. Everything. You propose to someonetwo monthsafter Mom dies, and I jump on board to make you happy. But what about me, Dad? What about what I want?”

He sighs sadly, and I can feel how my words have hit home – right in his chest, exactly where I wanted them to land. “What is it that you want, Logan?”

A tear finally slips from my eye, rolling down my cheek as I look up at him. “I want my life back.”

He presses his lips together. “If I could bring your mom back for you, Logan, I would. I would give anything to heal the hole that was left inside of you when she died. But I can’t, and it kills me.”

“It isn’t even just about Mom! It’s this.” I wave my arms around. “This room, this house, thisplace.I don’t belong in Luxington, and a few months ago, you didn’t either. We aren’t like these people.”

A smile touches his lips. “It doesn’t matter where we are, we will always be us. And Franklin isn’t that far away. You can go visit and invite your friends here. But here? In Luxington? You will have a better future than I would be able to give you in Franklin.” He stands up, putting a hand on my shoulder as he looks into my eyes. “You will always beyou, Logan. Changing your zip code won’t change that.”

He leaves the room without another word, and I don’t say anything either. I just watch him walk out, closing the door behind him and shutting me back into the black hole of despair I’ve now climbed into.

Tears stream from my eyes the second I’m faced with the big, wide, empty open space of my bedroom. I’m silent as the salty liquid falls from my eyes, running streaks down my cheeks relentlessly. I pick at the hem of my shirt, so I have something to do with my hands, otherwise I’ll probably slam my fists into the wall.

I hate crying. It’s weak, it’s notme.And the fact something as stupid as the situation I’ve been forced into is making me weak and fucking brittle makes me angrier.

I suck down oxygen until my lungs feel like they’re going to burst, then blow it out slowly to try and stop the tears.

This isn’t how I’m going down.

fifteen

LOGAN

The rest of the week goes about the same. I ride to school with Carson in silence, spend the day sitting in classes by myself, eat lunch by myself, then come home and watch TV by myself. I’m starting to feel a little stir crazy.

I was social in Franklin. I’ve always been a really social person to be honest. Always had a ton of different friends, fitting into almost every circle. But here it feels like all the circles are closed, like I couldn’t find a way in even if I tried.

I definitely won’t fit in with the people dubbedcool– like Cassidy and her friends. They don’t pay me any attention anyways, not that I really want them to. No one in Luxington has caught my attention long enough to make me want to befriend them. Maybe that’s shitty on my part, but these just aren’t my people. Whereas everything in Franklin seemed to move in vibrations, everything in Luxington feels slower… More dull.

Besides the random little flirtations with Carson and his friends – plus the dressing room incident, I’ve been relatively bored here.

I have binged the entirety of Parks and Recreation for the thousandth time, though, so I guess that’s something.

I’m halfway through the second season of The Office when I hear Carson stomping up the stairs, down the hallway, then finally into his bedroom. I keep my eyes on the TV as I half-listen to the insanities of Michael Scott while still trying to eavesdrop through the wall on my stepbrother. I don’t know why… maybe I’m just itching for something interesting to happen after a boring week in Luxington.

I hear some noises as he walks around his room, then the bathroom door opens, and I see the light turn on through the little crack under my door. The shower starts to run, and I bite down on my bottom lip as I imagine him stripping out of his clothes to get in.

God, I need to get a life.

The door connecting my room to the bathroom opens, only a crack, and Carson’s head pops through. “I’m gonna take a shower. You wanna join me?”

He smirks, his blue eyes sparkling with humor.

“Do you know how to knock?” I sass, rolling my eyes.

“So… No?” He blinks a few times.

“No,” I answer, giving him a dirty look.

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