Page 72 of Nightmare

“Liv.” My best friend says, like she feels bad for me. I let a tear fall from my eye and streak down my cheek before I meet her big, blue eyes.

“I can’t do it, Summer.” I shake my head a little. She doesn’t say anything back to me, just pulls me into her arms and wraps herself around me under the heavy blankets.

My chest hurts, an unexpected sob wracks my body, then I can’t stop, I cry.

I cry and cry and cry. I yell. I claw at Summer, drenching her shirt, shaking the entire bed with my sobs. She doesn’t say anything, just holds me, let’s me get it all out, her hands rubbing up and down my back then through my matted hair.

I haven’t let myself cry like this in years, I haven’t let myself feel the pain of everything I’ve been through in the last year. The rollercoaster at PSA – going from the outcast to whatever the hell Brody turned me into, then back to the outcast. The slut. The hated.

Brody raped me but I never cried about it. I never screamed. I never mourned the relationship I thought I had, I never moved on – I just shoved it down. Just pushed it so far inside of myself that I couldn’t feel it, I couldn’t think about it.

And now? Seeing him? It’s all rising to the surface again. And I’m fucking scared.

I pull my face up a little to look at Summer, “Why is Brody here?”

She shakes her head, “I don’t know, Olivia.”

I shake with chills, the question I want to ask sitting at the back of my throat like concrete.

I clear my throat, “Do you think he’s been following me?”

Summer shakes her head, “I don’t know. But he can’t get to you here. I told the doorman not to let anyone up without approval from us first. He cannot hurt you here, babe.”

Her words soothe me a little, so I snuggle back down into her arms, letting sleep take me back away from this place again.

* * *

Two days later,I finally get out of bed. First thing I do is take averylong shower – then attempt to eat the takeout Summer brought home with her.

I’m perched on a bar stool, Summer next to me, picking at the burger and fries in the little plastic box in front of me. Summer is moaning every time she bites into hers, which makes me laugh, encouraging me to take a bite.

“Oh god,” I say around the mouthful of burger, and Summer nods next to me.

“I know right.” She says, her mouth filled with food.

We eat in somewhat silence for the next ten minutes, just little moans and groans filling the air. When we’re both finished, our takeout boxes empty except for a few crumbs, she wipes her mouth with a napkin then looks at me with a tilt of her head.

“Travis called again today.”

The burger in my stomach turns heavy, sitting in my gut like a pile of bricks. I just give her a little nod – unsure what to say about it.

I’m aware that pushing Travis away is immature, stupid, and not going to fix anything – I just… can’t find myself caring all that much. I’m doing that wholenumbthing – like when I moved to Cali. No attachments.

“Olivia, you have to at least explain to him what the fuck is going on. Malcolm said he hasn’t stopped talking about you since the night we got back from the Hamptons.” Summer says, eyes on mine.

“Since when do you care about Travis so much?” The question comes out a little sharper than I intend it to, so she blinks at me in surprise.

“I care aboutyou.And… I knowyoucare about Travis, even if you’re shutting it down right now.” She responds, standing up to grab our trash to throw away.

“I don’t know.” I admit, shrugging a little then standing to help her.

“Well, you may not know Liv,” She starts, looking back at me, “But I do. You’re crazy about Travis, and I get that you’re pushing away any sort of attachment right now, but I think you’re going to regret this.”

I fall silent, and she continues cleaning up our mess. I just watch her, all thoughts of helping her clean up disappearing. I just let my mind wander back to the moments I shared with him.

I was letting myself fall, letting myself feel.

“I’ll talk to him.” I say to Summer’s back, then pull my phone out to type out a text message.

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