Page 82 of Nightmare

My breath catches in my throat, so I press my lips together to think of what to say. No way she could have heard me from here, we were being quiet.

I take another step, but her body locks up.

I clear my throat, making my way to the bed, being sure not to touch her when I sit down on top of the blankets. “What did you hear, pretty girl?”

She blinks, “I woke up and you were gone, so I went looking for you. And I heard you in Jax’s room. I was going to come in and get you, to see what you were doing, but then I heard the wordmurderer.” Her voice cracks on the last word, and she runs her fingers through her hair – letting out a sigh before continuing.

Her big, green eyes find mine, “You’ve killed someone?”

FUCK.

I take a breath, opening my mouth to speak – but words don’t come out. My throat just tightens, I don’t know what to say. Because I can feel her fear from here. I can’t lose her. I can’t tell her what I’ve done, because she’ll walk away. She won’t come back again.

I stare down at my knuckles, studying the splits in my skin from spending so much time with the punching bag, and like a coward I don’t say anything to her. I just let the room fill with silence, hoping she won’t press this. Hoping I can keep her.

“You want to kill Brody?” She asks, so I look back up into her eyes. Her gaze meets mine, and she blinks a few times before her hand raises slowly, then reaches towards me. Her fingers trace the cuts and scabs on my knuckles slowly, her eyes following the movement like she’s assessing the damage, sending a chill down my spine.

Her fingers lay atop mine, then she slips them in between my knuckles curling them around my hand.

Her eyes flick back to mine, her mouth falling open an inch on a breath.

“I want to help.”

My breath hitches, and I stare at her.

“Pretty girl.” My voice is shaky, “You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t know how this shit changes you.” I put a finger to my temple. “You’ll never be the same again.”

Her fingers tighten where they’re still gripping mine, “I’m not the samenow,Travis. I’m living every day in fear, waiting for him to come for me. I moved across the fucking country, and hefollowedme. He’s never going to stop. I want to be free.”

My heart speeds up, anger filling my veins slowly. I shake my head at my girl, because I won’t let her do this to herself. I won’t let her become like me. I’ll do this for her, but no way is she getting within spitting distance of him.

“Travis.” She begs with her eyes, tears threatening to spill over. “I want to be the one to do it.”

I run a hand through my hair, then down my face. “Olivia. Do you know what we’re talking about right now? Killing someone? It isn’t something I want you to have to live with!”

Her hand slips from mine, when she stands – throwing her hands up, “But you can? It’s not your fucking weight to bare!”

I laugh humorlessly, “It’s not a weight for me at all.”

Her arms fall back to her sides, her voice coming out cautious and quiet, “How many times have you done this?”

I don’t answer, I just look at her, because she won’t like the number I give her. Silence cloaks the room, and I can see her getting frustrated with me through the shadows of my bedroom. I shake my head a little at her when she doesn’t speak again, trying to get her to understand that I can’t tell her.

“Were you ever going to tell me about any of this? About who you really are?!” She’s angry. Good, she should be. This isn’t what she signed up for, she didn’t know she was getting involved with someone like me – I don’t blame her for being angry with me.

“You need to tell me everything.” She says, then sits back down next to me, crossing her legs and threading her fingers.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Olivia

“I grewup in the city – my dad controlled my whole life.” Travis says, his gaze avoiding mine. “I felt like a fucking caged animal. He told me what I could do, when I could do it. It was suffocating.”

Relatable.

Travis sighs, runs a hand through his thick hair, then meets my stare, “I couldn’t fucking do it. At fifteen, I started doing drugs, disappearing for days on end, just getting fucked up and numbing myself from all of it. I didn’t want to fucking be my father, I didn’t want to be the button-down, boring ass lawyer like him. I needed to control my own goddamn life. I wanted thrill and excitement and to do my art without feeling like it was some eternal sin.”

“I was buying one day at some fancy ass high rise on the other side of town – and my dealer told me he would… sponsor my initiation. Speak on my behalf, Jax and Mac too, get us into Eastside.” He searches my face for a reaction, so I wave a hand for him to continue.

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