Page 47 of Joanna's Highlander (Highland Protector 2)

She’d won. Sort of. Joanna slowly sat down on the bed while staring at the closed bedroom door. Still clutching the bedsheet to her chest, she unconsciously rubbed her fisted hand against the dull ache in the center of her chest. She swallowed hard at the knot in the middle of her throat.

This sure doesn’t feel much like winning.

Chapter 23

“What time did you say your flight leaves?” Lucia handed Joanna her suitcase and backpack.

“Six in the morning.” Joanna slung her purse over one shoulder and hefted the strap of her backpack over the top of it. “That’s why I’m taking the bus to Wilmington this afternoon to spend the night.” She glanced around the bus terminal parking lot, searching for the familiar Jeep that she instinctively knew wouldn’t be there.

“He’s not coming to tell you goodbye, is he?” Lucia gave her arm a sympathetic squeeze.

“Apparently not. I’d hoped once he calmed down that he’d change his mind.” Joanna swallowed hard against the growing ache threatening to choke her. “Obviously, I was wrong.” Either that or he still hadn’t calmed down.

She hadn’t seen Grant since he’d washed his hands of her and left the bedroom yesterday morning. He hadn’t come home last night and hadn’t called. She figured he was staying either at the Keep or at Castle Danu with Alec and Sadie, but she didn’t know for sure and didn’t have the guts to check at either place. She probably didn’t rank too high on the MacDara clan’s favorite-person list right now. All she knew for certain was that she’d found it impossible to sleep last night. Even though he wasn’t physically there, she’d sensed his presence and longed to see him—touch him—figure out a way to explain things and somehow make this decision right.

Joanna shook herself and pulled in a deep breath.Snap out of it. This is what the hell you wanted.She forced a weak smile and lifted her chin, determined to pull this off. “Is T still mad at me too?” Tyler had been just as angry and hurt to see her go as Grant had, and the seven-year-old hadn’t attempted to mince words when he’d told her just how he felt.

“Pretty much.” Lucia shrugged. “But he’ll adapt.” She stared at Joanna a long time while holding the suitcase and unconsciously bumping it back and forth against her shins. “Are you really sure this is what you want to do?”

“Of course.” Joanna cringed. Those words had come out entirely too fast and her voice was so high-pitched, she’d sounded like she’d squeaked. “Yes. I’m certain,” she said in a more authoritative tone. “Why? Don’t you think I’m making the right decision?” She needed somebody in her circle to reassure her, tell her she was doing the right thing. The more she forged ahead with this damned decision, the more isolated she felt.

“It’s not my decision and I’m not about to tell you what I think you should do. That wouldn’t be right—and knowing you, no matter which side of the take-it-or-leave-it fence I stood on, you’d argue with me.” Lucia smiled and nudged Joanna’s shoulder. “But I say that with love and you know I wouldn’t have you any other way.” Her look grew serious and worry creased her brow. “But you’ve been happier here in North Carolina than you ever were in Chicago.” Lucia turned and watched the bus entering the terminal’s gates. “I don’t want you to lose that happiness, Joanna. You haven’t had a whole lot of ‘happy’ in your life. Money isn’t everything, and you know as well as I do that Mr. MacKay and Grant would help you figure out a way to handle your debts.”

“I’m handling my debts by taking this job. End of story.” That had come out much sharper than she’d planned. “Sorry, Luce. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh.” She adjusted her sunglasses and rolled her shoulders. “I’m tired. Didn’t sleep much last night. Too wound up about the job and the trip, I guess.”

“You’re as bad a liar as I am.” Lucia handed Joanna’s suitcase over to the bus driver and watched him stow it in the compartment between the wheels. She turned back to Joanna, a pensive look on her face. “You know we could’ve taken the tour bus to Wilmington. Still can. You’d be a lot more comfortable and could stretch out on the bench seat in the back.”

“Nah.” Joanna wrinkled her nose and shrugged, struggling to seem like she had the situation under control instead of revealing how she was about to shatter into a thousand insecure pieces of am-I-wrong-or-am-I-rights. “This’ll be fine. Besides, Tyler’s got school tomorrow and he doesn’t need to miss class because of me.”

The real truth of the matter was that there was no way in hell she could keep up her end of any conversation all the way to Wilmington. The real and ever-present threat of bursting into tears was almost more than she could control right now. At least on the bus, her sunglasses would hide her red-rimmed eyes and she could pull her hat down low over her face and ignore everyone around her.

She looked around the parking lot again, praying that Grant would show up before she had to get on the bus. One by one, all the passengers boarded and the only one waiting to get on the bus was the driver. The older man nodded her way, then climbed on board.

“I guess it’s time.” Joanna cleared her throat and blinked rapidly several times, doing her best to keep the tears from overflowing.Dammit. I will not cry.She pulled Lucia into a tight hug. “I’ll call you when I’m settled in my room—okay?”

“Sure,” Lucia whispered in a broken voice, squeezing her even tighter before letting go and stepping back. She swiped the backs of her hands across her cheeks and sniffed. “You have a safe trip, sweetie. Text me like every hour, okay?”

“I plan to sleep most of the way, but I’ll text you—lots.” Joanna ducked her head and hurried to the bus. “Tell T that I love him and I’ll talk to him tonight too, so he’d better be over his poutiness!” she shouted as she glanced back and waved before hopping on the bus.

“I will!” Lucia shouted after her. “Love ya, sweetie!”

Joanna hurried up the bus steps, then bent and waved through the windows, her heart aching even more as Lucia slowly turned and walked away. She was on her own now. She had the job and she’d made the decision—all on her own.Well…this is what I wanted. Right?Now that she had this damned plan in motion, this plan that she’d been so sure was the right choice for her life, why the hell did it suddenly feel so wrong?

Luckily, the bus was only half full, so she got a window seat and had the entire row to herself.Thank goodness for small miracles.She wasn’t in the mood for polite conversation. She just wanted to sulk.Sulk? I’m the one that wanted this.But did she really want it now that she’d kicked this gut-wrenching ball of damnation into play? Last night without Grant had been torture—especially since she knew that wherever he was, he was suffering because of her.

She leaned against the window as the bus lurched forward. She wrinkled her nose at the smell of diesel and oil filling the air. Thankfully, the other passengers were relatively quiet. Other than the soft-voiced chattering of the pair of older ladies seated behind her, Joanna was left painfully alone with her thoughts and worries. Not only was she troubled about Grant and all that had transpired between them, she was beginning to wonder if she’d bit off more than she could chew with that damn job.

Ever since she’d given Lilian Tasker her conditional “yes,” her phone had been buzzing with business texts nonstop and her personal email box had already exceeded capacity. She’d finally had to silence her phone to escape the incessant notifications. Whatever happened to letting someone get in the office first and get acclimated before you tried to drown her with corporate bullshit? She could only assume that since she’d worked there before, everyone figured she already knew what was going on and was ready to dive in headfirst without any flotation devices intact.

I have screwed myself again. Royally.

How did she always do it—every damn time? She always made the wrong choices and was too stupid to realize it until it was too freakin’ late. She sniffed and angrily swiped at an escaped tear. What if she’d even gone so far as to lose Grant?I’ll never forgive myself if I’ve lost him. Never.She bit her lip and closed her burning eyes against more tears. Thank goodness for sunglasses and ball caps. She adjusted both and hunkered down in the seat as the bus lurched around a curve and started up a steep incline.

“Well, would you look at that?” said a quivering feminine voice behind her. Then apeck-peck-peckrattled against the window behind her like a woodpecker hunting a hollow tree for bugs.

Joanna closed her eyes tighter.Great. Now that I’m trying to go to sleep, they decide to talk louder and beat on the window.

“I’m glad you see him too, Esther, because I was afraid my meds were off again.”

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