Page 47 of Combust

“Don’t worry about it, I’m up. Can’t sleep.”

“You sound like me.” He laughs, running a hand down the back of his head.

“Still not sleeping?”

“Not well. Not since she left. It’s like I wait for her to show up out of nowhere. Almost like she’ll walk through the door and say it was all a dream.” He shakes his head.

“You know life isn’t like that season of Dallas where we found out Bobby really isn’t dead, right?” I joke.

“I know. How did you deal with it?”

“I had Trinity, so there was a reason for me to get out of bed. I had to take care of the other person in my life. If I hadn’t had her? I don’t know where I’d be right now. She kept things from getting out of control.”

He sighs. “I wonder if I should get a dog or something. The house is too fucking quiet, and when it’s quiet, I find myself thinking things I shouldn’t.”

Now I’m concerned. He’s a member of my team and it’s imperative I know if there’s a reason to worry. “Care to fill me in?”

“I’m not thinking about hurting myself. It’s more like I’m thinking maybe I should go hit a strip-club in Chattanooga, check out CockLoft, or take up one of those offers that are so freely given to me.”

“What prevents you from doing it?” I’m curious to see what he’ll say. Coming from sort of the same situation he’s in right now, I wonder if his reasons are similar to what mine were.

“We’re still married.” He shrugs. “She never served me with divorce papers, and I have absolutely no idea where she is to get her served. I still wear the ring.” He lifts a necklace from inside his shirt. “It’s hard to know what’s the right thing to do.”

Little does he want to know that it’s just as hard when you’ve decided to move on.

CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE

Natalie

“That’sgonna be the last person we have come in today.” Mia sighs as she looks outside.

Gradually it’s gotten darker this morning, until it looks like we’re about to get a gully washer, as dad likes to call it. Glancing up, I notice what’s taking place outside. The clouds are swirling, the leaves and trees moving in motion with what appears to be the circular motion of the wind. This storm is coming in fast, rolling over the mountain as we sit in the shop watching.

“Don’t think I’ve seen it get so dark so quickly before,” Mia says as she takes a drink from her cup. “Since we’re probably not gonna have anybody else today, maybe we should close early?”

“Might be smart but, chances are, all of us will be stuck in whatever downpour is coming. Roads could be washed out with the darkness of those clouds and the way that wind is moving. Not sure I actually want to be driving in whatever this might be.” I admit, thinking about the time I got stuck on a bridge that almost got washed out from underneath me. Since then, I tend not to fuck around with storms.

“You’re right; we’ll stay here. No sense in making anything extra for the shop, or extra work for the first responders who are no doubt going to have to be doing work out in this.”

Immediately my thoughts go to Cam, and I wonder what he’s doing right now. If I remember correctly he’s on shift. A little too often lately, he’s called his mom to help take care of Trinity. It’s hurt more than I thought it would, and I understand he’s trying to make things less confusing for Trinity. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit how much it hurts though. Every night I’m not there, I know I should be. It’s where I want to be.

“I’m gonna go watch it,” I tell her, walking out the door and onto the sidewalk.

There’s a small area of three tables and chairs that diners use on nice days. This isn’t one of them, but the view of the mountains is incredible.

Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I watch the sky. The clouds are rolling like waves over the top of the peaks. The wind is picking up, whipping my hair around my face.

It’s reminiscent of everything going on inside of me right now. The nervous energy and the fact I worry things will never be the same with Cam and I or Gauge and I or those two as best friends. There’s also Trinity. It’s all such a mess right now, and I’m not sure if it’ll ever be right again.

I guess neither one of us thought too far ahead as to what us being together would entail.

But it’d felt so good, so right. More than anything else had since I gave up softball and the Olympic dream. It was a place I could picture myself being for the rest of my life.

Only I hadn’t realized Cam wouldn’t want me there.

In the distance, lightning crashes against the side of the mountain and reminds me of the forest fire that hurt Gauge. There’s so much around here that melds together. Each circumstance seems to go into the whole ball that makes up my life.

No one is unaffected and the pressure of making sure it all goes together is starting to get to me.

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