Page 93 of Finding Fate

The room is so quiet. Everyone is standing frozen, all eyes on me. I’m petrified, standing here with my hands pressed together as I play with the end of my sleeves. “Mom, Dad, you remember Gabby—now my fiancé, and of age.” I could kill him for cracking that joke. It’s hardly funny. He smiles at me and then points at his dad. “Gabby, this is my dad, Roy.” He moves his finger to his mom, and I lock eyes with her for the first time. “This is my mom, Sandra, but everyone calls her Sandy except for my grandpa. Her cheesecakes are magical. They make you fat.”

I accidentally laugh out loud at his joke, and the second it’s out, his mom smiles at me. “The only thing that’s magical is how fast it disappears when he’s around.”

“That sounds more logical,” I tease. “We went out to eat a while back and he ordered dessert for us to share. I should have known better. It was more like a ninety-ten split. Ironically, it was cheesecake.”

“Hey,” he laughs. “You said you were nauseous! I took one for the team. It is unacceptable to waste something so tasty.”

“How are you feeling, Gabby? Hungry, I hope.”

Nauseous.Dammit, Maddox! Just when things were smooth sailing. I tense, knowing she’s referring to the pregnancy that Maddox accidentally spilled the beans about over the phone. It’s not even something I want to talk about. I know he comes from good people. I know what their beliefs are. We aren’t married. Lord, we’ve only been back together since October, so an accident really isn’t even a good excuse. New couples are more careful than long-term couples. It’s December. It looks bad. I know it does. And I won’t lie and say I’m not a little embarrassed. As a matter of fact, all the years of my buried embarrassment in front of them comes crashing down on me to the point I can’t catch my breath. “It was an accident,” I cry out. “I’m so sorry.”

“Gabby?” Maddox. He sounds worried. But I’m already gone. My anxiety is coating every facet of my mind. I want his parents to think I’m good enough for him. I want them to be proud of who he chose. I don’t want them to be ashamed because of things that happened when we were younger. I’ve never cared about what anyone else thinks, but I do them, and I’m only humiliating myself more by crying, but I can’t help it. I cover my face with my hands to salvage some of my dignity.

Petite hands touch me, and a wave of floral awakens my senses as I breathe in the feminine perfume. “Honey, are you okay? Why are you sorry?”

She lovingly rubs her hands down my arms. “We aren’t married. I know you’re against that. I want you to like me. I feel like I owe you so many apologies for the things that happened back then with my dad. I love your son. I always have.”

She laughs, slowing my tears. I wasn’t expecting laughter. “Stop that. We aren’t holding you accountable for things that happened a long time ago. You were a child. My kids are grown now. He’s about to be twenty-five. What they do isn’t on me anymore, it’s on them. We’re all going to be accountable for our own actions. I did my part. I raised him right. I got him out of high school.”

Madden’s laughter echoes through the house, and I immediately see the change on her face to one of confusion. “Actually, you didn’t,” I answer, just as Micah chases him into the kitchen.

“Daddy, hide me.” Madden hides behind Maddox’s legs like they’re playing chase.

Micah stops just inside the door. “Too soon?”

“Daddy?” she whispers, her eyes on mine and already blurring.

I plead with Maddox silently for help. “Um, I—”

“Mom.” She turns around at the sound of his voice like it’s a reflex, her head turning downcast as if she’s following Maddox’s arm around Madden, who is still halfway behind Maddox and using his body as a shield. He’s quiet now, only half of his face peeking out from behind Maddox’s leg, as if he’s picked up the sudden change in the room. Dad said he’s very perceptive and responds best to being open instead of babying him. Coddling is something my grandfather doesn’t believe in, especially with boys.

The very beginning was a little rough, with many awkward moments, but the more we interacted with Madden like we’ve known him his whole life the more comfortable he became. Luckily, he seems to never meet a stranger, because I was afraid he’d want to go back. Dad has helped a lot since Madden was already comfortable with him. The real test will come when we go back to Miami and he’s not around. Micah was much better about playing the part like Maddox and I have. “Remember that thing I didn’t want to discuss over the phone? This is Madden, our son,” Maddox continues.

“Oh, my heavens,” she cries.

I notice his dad setting the knife down on the stove from the corner of my eye. I pass her to join them, needing the comfort of Maddox by my side. As I get to Madden peeking up at me like a skittish cat, I squat. “Hey, sweet boy, you remember how Daddy said Greece was far away?” He nods. “And how Pappoús said Mommy didn’t know you were there?” Again, he nods. “Did Pappoús tell you why he sent you to live with Pappoúli and Ya-Ya?”

Madden glances over toward Maddox’s mom, and then to his dad, before his eyes settle back on mine—the perfect match. He’s still working through transitioning to primarily speaking in English. Greek culture encourages the Greek language, even to those that immigrate to another country, which is why my father and I both speak Greek fluently even though we only use it around each other or family in Greece, but Madden has never lived in the States, so for him it was the opposite. He was taught English like I was taught Greek. He gets confused sometimes like his mind is trying to make the switch, but I think he does damn good for a six-year-old. “He said you were too young to take care of me by yourself, and you were too young to be with my daddy. That Pappoúli and Ya-Ya would take care of me until you grew up.”

A tear slips down my cheek. He will never understand how much this hurts me to pretend it’s okay. How much losing him hurt me. How much keeping him from Maddox hurt me. That every year he celebrated his special day I grieved.

If I had gotten my way, I would have kept him and done the best I could. I would have loved him unconditionally because he was ours. I would have come clean to Maddox and his parents despite how bad it is for a fourteen-year-old to be pregnant, because none of it is his fault, or Maddox’s parents’ fault. They shouldn’t have to sacrifice knowing each other because things weren’t picture perfect for a society that makes the rules.

“That’s right. I met your daddy when I was young. We loved each other very much, but Pappoús thought I was too young to be with Daddy then. That I needed to grow up first. Sometimes Moms and Dads do things that we don’t like because they think it’s best. It made us sad to be apart, so Daddy went to live with Uncle Micah.” My heart weeps that sometimes we have to doctor shit to make it presentable to preserve the good in people. “Then you were born, and I had to go back to high school, so Pappoús wanted you to have the best life even though it made Mommy sad for you to leave. When Pappoús said I would tell Daddy about you when I was ready, it’s because I didn’t want to make Daddy sad too, because you’re ours, and we love you a lot. Do you understand?”

He blinks at me, not rushing to speak, and then finally says, “I understand, Mommy.”

“Don’t be afraid of new people. Pappoús kept you a secret so I would finish school, and since Daddy didn’t know, his family couldn’t know, but you belong to them just like you belong to Pappoús, Pappoúli, and Ya-Ya. They are your grandparents too, and I’ll just bet that if you talk to them like you do me and Daddy, they’ll love you just as much.”

He wraps his little arms around my neck, creasing my hair, and hugs me. I circle mine around his waist and pull him tight, my eyes instinctively closing. My heart is so full. “I’m glad you growed up, Mommy.”

“Me too, baby. I love you so much. Will you go give your grandparents a hug so they can see how big you are?”

“Okay,” he says, and releases me. I have to force myself to let go when I want to be selfish and just sit here and hold him for an eternity, or at least long enough to make up for every day that’s passed since I held him and had to let him go.

When he turns to face her, she’s already mirroring my position, her aged face wet. She’s a beautiful lady, and has aged gracefully, with smooth skin from taking care of it but still has a few lines around the eyes and mouth from living and laughing over the years.

For a second, she just stares at him. We’ve all done it. I’d convinced myself he had gotten my dad and grandfather’s dark hair, but he looks just like his dad, all the way to the shape of his eyes, only a different color. “You’re a handsome boy,” she says. “Your dad’s old swing set is still in the backyard. Do you want to see it while your mom and dad set the table? I forgot that cheesecake has to sit in the refrigerator, so we have some extra time. Me, you, and your grandfather could hang out a little while and you can tell us all about Greece. I’ve never been there. Or he could show you the big log truck down the road at the shop if your mom and dad don’t mind. Your dad used to drive it sometimes.”

---