"There's this fluttering feeling I get in my stomach. My body tenses and there are these really pleasant tingles when he's around. Then... I feel sick. Physiologically my brain is remembering that those tingles lead to me feeling ill, so now I dread that feeling I always get when he's around." I rush through the explanation. It's so strange. I've never had a crush like that.
"If he begged you to forgive him for being a douche, wouldn't that sick feeling go away?" Sean asks.
I shake my head. "OK, let's pretend that a guy who hates me suddenly does an about-face and... I act like a stupid little girl and give into my weird crush." I think about it and finally shake my head. "I would never be able to forget. There would always be times that I remember feeling afraid of him... of hating him. I don't want that type of relationship. Not when I can build something beautiful with someone else."
"Yeah," Sean's response is nothing more than a soft croak, but we're pulling into the parking lot at campus and that captures my attention.
Campus is so utterly normal. It's finals week starting today. Then they'll be parties I'm not invited to and finally winter break. At quarter-til-eight, it looks like a typical sleepy college scene. Students shuffle along to class with their backpacks and bags slung over their shoulders and their phones pressed to their ears.
I stay in the car for a minute, watching and wondering at the bland anonymity of the students here. Is the killer blending into the sleep-deprived masses? Does the tired horde of teenagers and twenty-somethings hide evil in their ranks?
"Bailey?" Sean snaps me out of my maudlin musings.
The cold air is like a slap to the face as I open my door and fumble my way out of the car. "I'll walk you to class and stay with you until Conner shows," Sean says as he holds open my door for me.
I start to clamber down, but Sean doesn't budge, leaving me in an awkward position half-in, half-out of the truck. He’s not looking at me, but at something just to my left, mostly blocked by the open door.
"Georgina," Sean says. His eyes go cold and flat. I shiver as he moves to the side, letting me drop from the truck behind him.
A tall, slender blonde cliche is walking over to us. As guilty as it makes me feel I automatically make assumptions. Hair: Long, perfectly curled blonde ringlets that, from one curly-haired girl to another, isn't her natural state. Makeup: not overdone, but applied with a precision that hypocritically satisfies the OCD part of me. Clothes: unwrinkled, washed, coordinated, expensive. She looks like College Barbie.
"OMG Sean!" she squeals and kisses his cheek. He doesn't move a muscle, just keeps glaring at her. "I missed you so much!" she coos.
Personality; cliche. Her bright blue eyes swing my way and narrow, icy to their shallow depths. Well, sister, I never liked Barbies. I played with Monster High dolls and chemistry sets, sometimes together. I was Clawdeen four times in a row for Halloween.
Braxton slings his arm around my shoulders from out of nowhere. "Georgina, what are you doing here?" he says with a snap. Without waiting for the girl to answer back, he steers me around her and starts walking crisply toward the Math building.
"Is she his ex?" I whisper.
A tiny, grim smile crosses Braxton’s face. "She is. Stay clear of her. She's a nasty female."
"OK," I side-eye him. "Is she a mean girl Barbie-doll or is that covering up something worse?"
Braxton turns to me. His caramel-brown eyes study me solemnly. "Worse, Bailey."
"What's worse?" Sarj’s husky murmurs as he sneaks up on my other side. Huh, the whole crew is here.
"Georgina's here," Braxton says.
Sarj doesn't have the visceral reaction that Braxton had to Georgina. I get the feeling he doesn't really care one way or the other. It makes me long for the gossip. Not that it's my business, but does Braxton have a history with her, too? Does Conner?
A shiver dances down my spine. I know it's them, but I keep my eyes fixed firmly on the smiling, green-eyed boy who keeps showing up outside of my Stats class at eight in the morning.
Braxton grins cockily at Carson and Kenna as they hurry past our group into the classroom. Conner is standing behind his brother, staring at Lydia and Trey as they walk into the building, hand-in-hand, an expression of anger and hurt in his eyes.
"He really likes her, doesn't he?" I ask Braxton softly. I'll admit that I hate the girl a little (alright, a lot). She has this gorgeous jerk of a boyfriend who I can't seem to help but be attracted to and she has Conner drooling over her but... there is just somethingwrongwith her. From my creepy lurking, I've seen how moody and odd she is. She can be sullen and withdrawn and then overly peppy a minute later. I think she's mentally unstable, but I admit that it might just be jealousy on my part.
Braxton hums an agreement, his shoulders stiff and his posture radiating tension. Geesh, he needs to relax a little. All of these rebel-boy hotties need torelax. I'm the one about to take a Statistics final. All of Braxton's classes are a cakewalk except for Organic, and our project takes the place of a final exam.
Conner shifts his body and looks over his shoulder at us. He starts walking towards us and stops right in front of me. His eyes are dark, the green almost black and the glow I'm used to diminished. His face is expressionless, but I can see the pain in his eyes and feel it in my own heart.
"Why?" he whispers to me.
Apparently, this is the morning to confront unrequited love. Doesn't that suck for me? I'm big enough to recognize that I have a crush on Conner, just like I do with Trey. Of course, both of them are in love with Lydia and not the weird genius with the unconquerable hair.
I take a deep breath. I love my hair, it's just like myAbuela’sbut with mom's coloring. It's like I carry my most-loved women with me on top of my head wherever I go.
"There is nothing wrong with you, Conner," I say it firmly. I know this is what he is asking for. He needs confirmation that there is nothing wrong with him. It may be a lie (he is so darnscary),but under all that is a sweet, protective guy. "Any girl would be happy to have you," I say gently.