The third male, that male, approaches cautiously. I can't help but stare at him. He is similar in build to Ezra, with light brown eyes shadowed in grief. When he is still twenty feet from us, he falls to his knees. I flinch, but he doesn't move. Head bowed, he begins to speak. Other than the harsh breathing of Thjis and the soft sniffles that I try to stem, the yard is silent when he starts.
"I was running patrol that night," he begins, "with two of my pack. We scented," he takes a breath, "a female. We thought... I thought, that she was in Heat and distressed. She smelled like power and the Moon." He shakes his head. "We followed the scent. We... we harmed you. I harmed you. For that, my alpha has ordered we pay a blood price."
The moon. I scented of the moon. I want to go shower. To scrub my skin until I can't possibly ever smell of that cold bitch again.
He falls silent. "What price?" I ask. My voice trembles, weakly. I hate this male for making me feel weak again.
He slowly raises his head, tears falling freely down his cheeks. "We were tried in front of the pack. I have been in isolation for three months. My pack... their mates no longer wanted them, so they were found guilty of betrayal and violation of a female not their own. My mate," he says, anguish dripping from his words, "she... she asked for mercy to be shown for me."
He has a mate. I swallow the scream building in my throat. How dare he betray a mate? Why do males do these things?
"Has she forgiven you?" I ask. I hope he says 'no.' I hope she is making him suffer.
"She will never forgive me," he responds, his eyes drifting closed. His head falls back down. "I had not Claimed her yet. She is young," he murmurs. His eyes flash to me. "I betrayed her and will pay this price for the rest of my life."
"What price?" I ask into Ezra's shoulder.
"To live in her shadow. To never be fully hers."
I creep out from behind Ezra to stand behind Thjis and Rhet. I take comfort in their warmth, in their strength, until I can find my own. I curl my fingers into Rhet's torn jacket, wrapping and tugging on the loose fabric. I scent my fear, but it's just a memory. This male poses no threat. He isn't capable of harming a fly right now.
"Why did you do it?" I ask the question that makes my soul ache, "why betray your mate?"
"You scent of the Moon. I must seek forgiveness from you; from the moon-scented female. I have no excuse. I scented the Moon, but you are not my mate. My mate..." he whispers.
Hearing it makes it so real. It's staggering. I don't scent of the Moon. It makes no sense. I am a rejected female, not a luna. I can't be a luna, and I never will be a luna because of him.
The male moves, and I stiffen along with my males. But, he simply sets down a sack slung over his shoulder on the ground in front of him. A gasp slips free, mingling with Rhet's snarl. The bag reeks of blood and death.
"What the fuck is that?" Rhet asks.
"My packmates," the male answers hoarsely. Carefully, he pulls out two rounded objects covered in hair. Almost reverently, he smoothes the hair away. Two faces, eyes glassy, mouths parted grotesquely, peer out at the sky. "Their mates did not want them," he says again.
Holy shit. Is this happening? I can't look away from those dead eyes, staring at nothing. They are gone, dead and killed by their alpha because their mates rejected them for raping me.
I did this. I can't stop sobbing, crumpling against Rhet. His arm wraps around me, holding me up. "Bring the heads to my brothers," he orders.
The two silent mountain wolves step forward. Each picks up a head of their dead packmates and bring them toward Rhet and me.
Thjis, finally under control, steps forward to take them. His straight spine driven ramrod-stiff by fury. His glare is hot on the kneeling male. "Why are you still breathing?" he spits out.
"My mate begged for mercy." The male looks defeated. "She... she went into heat and is now having my pup." His life is spared because of his pup and nothing else.
"Thank your alpha for us," Rhet sneers down at him.
His watery eyes look up... at me again. "Do you forgive me, female of the moon?"
"Don't you fucking look at her," Thjis snarls.
The male doesn't drop his eyes. How can he ask that? He was there, right? Why ask me for forgiveness when he can't gain that from even his truemate?
Do I really scent of the moon? I look at him. He's defeated, hanging on to the vague hope that his pup will at least put some things right. He's destroyed his future. His and his mate's.
I do scent of the moon, don't I? Because I was supposed to be a luna. This male doesn't know that. None of these males know that, and it's not fair to this wolf's mate that she thinks that her male chose another female over her.
I know how painful that is. I understand the madness that slowly steals into your mind and heart. Always wondering, why? Why does he not love me? Why her? Why not me? Why am I not enough? I should be everything, but I'm nothing.
I straighten away from Rhet. It takes every ounce of determination to let go of him. He sucks in a breath, and for a moment, I want to grab his hand and bring him with me.