Page 66 of A Lady's Key to Passion

“How do you know what he thinks or feels?” asked Marianne in a tart voice. “You are too concerned with yourself and that foolish vow. The only way to stop this terrible situation is to talk honestly, Jane. To finally tell him how you feel and ask him to do the same.”

Jane felt like she had been slapped across the face. Her sister wasn’t usually so hard on her.

“I am sorry,” said Marianne, shaking her head. “But I am so frustrated by this! All I can do is sit back and watch as you and Percy make a mess of your lives.” She took a deep breath. “Jane, you must let the vow go. Mama would understand. We have talked about this.”

Jane was silent for a moment. “He is at Cliff Lodge?”

Marianne nodded. “I shall distract Lucy while you go out the back door. But you should hurry. I do not know how much longer he will be there, and you will have no privacy at Mrs Holloway’s lodging house.”

Jane hesitated. But suddenly, she knew her sister was right. She must speak with Percy alone. She could ask for his forgiveness. Even if the call was to say a final goodbye to him. How was he going to receive her?

***

Percy was standing on the front veranda of Cliff Lodge, just about to head back to the lodging house, when he saw the figure walking towards the house. His heart clenched. He could tell even from this distance that it was Jane.

He didn’t walk to meet her. He let her come to him. When she was on the veranda, she hesitated, gazing at him.

“Why are you here, Jane?” he asked in as steady a voice as he could muster. “I thought you had made your decision.”

Her face contorted. “I know you are angry with me,” she said in a small voice. “And you have every right to be. I have come to tell you how sorry I am.”

He ran a hand over his face. “You are sorry, but not sorry enough to put an end to this madness? Is that what you are telling me?”

She looked distressed. “Percy, I know it is hard for you to understand, but there is a very good reason why I have committed myself to remaining a spinster....”

“Then why don’t you just tell me!” He was breathing rapidly now, his anger and frustration overwhelming him. “For the love of our Lord, Jane, what is it all about?”

She took a deep breath. “May we go inside? I shall tell you there.”

He nodded, trying to control his anger. She followed him inside to the kitchen, where the wood stove was burning brightly. They sat opposite one another.

“I have no tea today,” he said in a bitter voice.

Her eyes filled with tears. “I told you about what my mother told me on her deathbed.”

He nodded. “Yes. About how she loved another man and could never love your father.”

Jane gave a shuddering sigh. “There was more to it than that,” she said in a pained voice. “After she told me, she made me promise that I would never fall in love and marry. She told me that she could not die in peace unless I vowed it.”

Percy gaped at her. “She made you vow to never fall in love nor marry? But why?”

Jane was crying now. “Because she did not want me to suffer like she did,” she said, her voice thickened by tears. “She said I would lead a far happier life if I stayed away from men entirely. Shewantedme to be happy.” She paused, staring off into the distance. “I know she was not in her right mind. She was agitated and confused by the laudanum. But regardless, I made the vow to her, and shediddie. It seemed to give her a measure of peace.”

Percy swore under his breath. Now he understood why she had always been so vehement about remaining a spinster. A deathbed vow was not something to take lightly, especially when making such a vow to a beloved mother.

“It never particularly troubled me,” she continued, wiping away the tears. “I learnt to live with it. I even came to embrace my new life. It was never a hardship…until I met you.”

Percy ran a hand through his hair. Then he leant forward towards her. “Jane, I respect that you are trying to honour your mother’s last wish,” he said slowly. “But she had no right to place you in such a position. I do not blame her, for she was dying and overwhelmed, but the fact remains, it was too much to ask of a person. It was too heavy a burden for you to carry.”

She didn’t reply. The tears kept streaming down her face. His heart ached with love for her and the younger version of herself who had desperately wanted her mother to die in peace. He wanted to comfort her, to tell her that all would be well, but he knew that she must work this out by herself. He couldn’t force her to renege the vow.

“I know it was too much to ask of me,” she said eventually. “I have felt burdened by it more and more, and now it feels like I am carrying a boulder upon my shoulders. Marianne tells me that I must let it go. She said that she releases me from it.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “But it is just so hard, Percy. So very hard.”

He nodded. “Yes, I understand. But there is so much at stake here, Jane. Your cousin is determined that I will marry her, and I must do so to protect your honour.” He paused. “Unless we can finally admit what is between us. Unless we can honestly say what is in our hearts and make a commitment to each other.”

She blinked rapidly. He saw that he was getting through to her. But it wasn’t enough. He had to tell her how he felt. He had to tell her all of it.

“I love you, Jane,” he whispered, his heart beating rapidly. “God knows, I fought it, but it is true. I love you like I have never loved another. The thought of living without you is unbearable to me.”

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