Page 9 of Drawn To You

She leans in and sloppily kisses me and I can taste the beer on her lips. I look at my wife and realize I don’t know her anymore. I’m starting to wonder if I ever really did know her at all. We got together when I was in high school and when she got pregnant a month after we started dating and asked me to marry her I foolishly accommodated her, thinking I was in love and doing the right thing.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize the truth until it was too late. We had been too young and had no business getting married, even if she was pregnant. We barely even knew each other, not enough for that kind of commitment.

It wasn’t until after our first son was born that I started to suspect that my wife had lied to me about a lot of different things at the beginning of our relationship. But I chopped it up to her just being young and trying to impress me at the time and forgave her minor transgressions. But with my recent suspicions that she was cheating on me with our neighbor I was starting to think she might have had more nefarious intentions behind her lies. I had witnessed her lying to her mother and other people on more than one occasion and I didn’t approve of her behavior but I foolishly believed she wasn’t lying to me as well.

I feel like my entire world is turning upside down. I don’t know who she is. Hell, I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like I have been played for a fool since the very beginning. And I suddenly can’t help but go over every night where she might’ve been out with him or he might have been alone with her in my apartment. What were they doing when I was busy working to provide for her and our boys? When I had to work out of town? Every moment, every second of every day. So many missing jigsaw pieces. I had to know the truth.

Shannon denied that there was anything romantic going on between her and Robert but at this point, I’d have to be blind to believe her. She erupted in fits of outrage each time I brought the subject up and accused me of being crazy and jealous and trying to control her. Said she was allowed to be friends with anyone she wanted and that I needed to stop with the “caveman routine.”

I knew in my gut she was lying but I didn’t have any proof and I still didn’t know what I was going to do even if I had proof. I had our boys to consider. I didn’t want to think about what a divorce would do to them and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that this was breaking my heart. I loved my wife after all despite her flaws and this was ripping me apart on the inside.

“Where are the boys?” I gritted out on my way to the kitchen, pointedly not acknowledging my wife’s guests on my way. I didn’t care if I was being rude. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with this shit again. I was tired after a long day at work and I was getting tired of coming home to a house full of drunk adults and a huge mess to clean up. I wanted nothing more than for them to get the hell out of my apartment.

“Ethan is napping in his crib and Zander is watching Scooby-Doo in his room,” Shannon answered, her eyes narrowing at me like I was the one doing something wrong when she noticed I was less than thrilled.

I made my way to our son’s room so I could peek in on them and make sure they are both OK. My stomach clenched at the thought that they were here alone without a sober parent. What if something had happened to one of them while I was at work? This can’t keep going on.

“Hey!” Shannon hissed at me as she cornered me in the hall. “What’s your problem? You just embarrassed me. You didn’t have to be rude to everyone!” I couldn’t believe that this is what our life had become as I stood there looking down at my drunk wife glaring up at me.

“I don’t think that now is a good time to talk about this Shannon, why don’t we wait to discuss this when you are sober,” I replied too tired to have this fight with her again. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? You have no right to judge me for having a few drinks with my friends Joshua! You have no idea what it’s like to be the one stuck at home with two kids all day, I’m going out of my mind and you’re always gone!” she accused.

“I’m working, Shannon. It’s not like I’m on vacation or out partying. Do you think I want to be away from my family all the time? That I like being cooped up in a motel room all by myself when I could be at home with you and our boys? I hate every minute of it, but I have to put food on the table and a roof over our heads!” I bite out, my anger now having reached a boiling point. This always happens, whenever we fight, it always turns explosive.

“You know what, I need some space from you right now so I’m going to go upstairs to Robert’s place to hang out with my friends for a little bit and I’m not going to let you make me feel bad about it. I’m here with the boys all day every day and I’m entitled to some me time!”

I turn away from her, done talking for the moment. Being the sober one, I know I have to be the one to stop, we are not accomplishing anything. So I let her go without protest. She slams the door on her way out. After I check on the boys again I head to the kitchen to make something to eat for us only to be greeted with a mountain of dishes in the sink and empty beer bottles littered all over the place. I roll up my sleeves and get to work.

That night Shannon didn’t even bother to come home and the next morning she apologized and claimed she passed out on the couch at Roberts. Each of us pretended that I still believed her lies.

Nine

Guitar Lessons

Abigail - Six months later…

I sat outside the coffee shop and tried to read my book while I waited for the girls to get there. Tried being the keyword. Edgar, another Java Co. regular was sitting at the table across from me strumming on the coffee shop’s community guitar and belting out a terrible rendition of “Werewolves of London” in between what sounded like very painful coughing fits.

Being a regular for years now I was accustomed to Edgar’s weekly performance. He was a tall and lanky homeless guy with a straggly dark beard, no front teeth, a wide smile, and kind eyes. He was here every Friday night, he drank his coffee black and after years of hearing him play I was fairly convinced that Edgar only knew how to play the one song, because to this day I’ve still only ever heard him play “Werewolves of London.”

A short vibration coming from my phone took hold of my attention. Bringing my phone out of my purse, not surprised at all when I spotted the incoming text message was from Lily.

Lily: I’m so sorry we’re late! Rain and I got held up at our Mom’s but we are on our way.

A breath of a laugh cut through as I stared down at her message. Deciding to tease my friend, I responded.

Abby: You should be sorry! I had front-row seats to Edgar’s show. You missed out on his best performance to date!

I laughed to myself, feeling sort of proud of my humor. About a minute later, my phone vibrated again.

Lily: Ah. So, You woke up on the smart-ass side of the bed this morning. Noted.

A few seconds later, another message.

Lily: Josh is supposed to meet me there to drop off my house keys, If he gets there before I do just let him know he can leave them with you if he’s in a hurry.

I quickly typed back:

Abby: Will do! =)

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