Page 36 of Drawn To You

I would finish my walk of shame and call for an Uber to pick me up so I didn’t have to ruin the girl’s fun. There was no need for Lily or Rain to hold my hand as I started to feel myself teetering on the edge of an emotional breakdown. I was fine.

“I don’t fucking think so,” Joshua hissed, grabbing my arm as I tried to pass him. The next thing I knew he was pulling me right back into the room and had me pushed up against the bedroom wall. James quickly made his exit and I heard him as he quietly chuckled as he shut the door on his way out.

The tension in the air grew even thicker. It was so thick I felt like I would choke on it. Joshua’s brown eyes drove into mine, and I gulped, trying to pull away from him.

I showed him my anger, but deep down, I was still teetering. I couldn’t lock down my emotions, but the longer Joshua glared daggers at me, the more I felt myself slipping over the edge. “Why are you even here right now, Joshua?” I bit out feeling my anger build again. “What do you think you are doing?” I demanded as Joshua’s hands clamped down over my wrists as he pushed my arms up over my head. My heart thundered in my chest, and the heat I was feeling moments ago while thinking about his mouth on mine instead of James’s only scorched me more.

“What am I doing, Abby?” He laughed bitterly in my face, and I could see the rage twisting his features. “What the fuck are you doing?” Joshua’s face came closer to mine, and whatever I was about to say got caught in my throat. My body was tingling with him so near, and I could only think about how it felt so good to be this close to him.

“What do you mean?” I asked, leveling him with a glare just as heated as his. “You just interrupted what I was doing!” He only rolled his eyes at that, and I felt his hands tighten on my wrists He was the only one I wanted touching me this way. He knew I had issues with being held down by anyone else. “This isn’t you, Abby” he whispered, looking over every inch of my face before dropping his gaze down my body.

Heat rushed to my stomach, and when I tried to look away from his knowing gaze, one of his hands left my wrists, and gently but firmly grabbed my chin and made me look at him. Then I felt his thumb as it came up and caressed over my kiss swollen lips, most likely smearing the red lipstick that Lily had encouraged me to wear.

“This look isn’t you.” My brows scrunched up at that, and my mouth formed a hard line. Joshua let go of my chin and touched my hair. “Even this hairstyle isn’t you.” I gasped as I felt his finger hook underneath the tiny hairband holding my hair in place and gently tug it free. My auburn locks cascaded down around my face, falling like a waterfall.

He gulped, and the lust-filled heat radiating from his eyes sent a pulse right through me that I felt intensify between my legs. His one hand still gripped my wrists above my head, but then his other hand slid down the side of my cheek and down over the curve of my neck so slowly I began aching for more.

The feeling of the slow drag of his finger as it skimmed over my breasts, had my back arching to get closer to him, and I couldn’t even be mad at my own body’s betrayal. It had a mind of its own. My body wanted Joshua even though my mind knew he had hurt me. It craved his touch. His lips on mine. I wanted his whispered words in my ear as he made me cum.

My body knew what I needed and that I wanted that with him again. I felt that crazy, reckless need for him. That was what I became when I was with him, and it was an act of rebellion in the form of a heated touch. His deep voice demanded my attention, and I found myself gazing directly at his inviting mouth.

“And this little dress you’ve got on here.” he bit his bottom lip, and I held my breath and willed myself not to kiss him. “Don’t get me the wrong way babe, you look sexy as hell, but you and I both know this dress isn’t you.” I let out the breath I was holding, and for a moment we locked eyes and I could feel my heart squeezing painfully in my chest.

“I guess you just don’t know me as well as you think you do, Joshua.” I bit out and I could feel as his thumb slowly rubbed over my pinned wrists. “That’s where you are wrong, I do know you, and better than anyone else I think. I don’t need to know all of your little secrets to truly know who you are, Abby.”

I tried to pull my wrists free from his grasp, but he only held on tighter and refused to let me go, and I couldn’t make myself look away from him. If I were being honest I knew I wanted his eyes on me. I didn’t really want to get away from him. I was right where I wanted to be. “I don’t even know who I am, Joshua. So how can you claim to know me so well?”

“Don’t lie to yourself.” His angry-sounding chuckle brought me to attention, and all of the sudden, my mouth was only a single breath away from his and I could once again feel his hot minty breath against me. “You fucking know exactly who you are. You know what you want, and we both know you won’t stop until you get it.”

I felt his knee as he moved to nudge it in between my thighs, and I happily opened them for him. His words were more intoxicating than the alcohol running through my bloodstream. All I could feel was him. “You are strong-willed.” He moved closer, and I couldn’t help but whimper. “You are tenacious.” His hand moved down and gripped my thigh, and his fingers firmly dug into my skin. “You are brave but reckless at times.”

He traced the curve of my cheek with his nose as he finally released my wrists from his hold. His hand came up, and he rested it along the wall, right by my head.

“But most importantly, you know when to retreat from danger. That’s why you’re running from something.”Sterling.My mind whispered. No, don’t go there right now. I swallowed hard and tried not to tremble beneath him. I needed this to stop right now. This back and forth pull between us.

I suddenly wanted the room to just fucking stop spinning for a minute so I could gather my wits and get it together. His words echoed through the room. “Abby I need you to tell me to fucking go, right now.”

I looked around the bedroom as I felt his teeth graze over my ear lobe. “What, why?” Joshua suddenly ripped away from me, the expression of pure agony and frustration on his face couldn’t be hidden by the anger he tried to display. “I’m fucking not good for you, that’s why! Just like who or whatever you are running from, I’m going to hurt you. So fucking tell me to walk out of that door right now, before this goes any further.” My brows scrunched together in confusion, but I was too surprised to say anything.

He had no idea what he was talking about. He was nothing like Sterling. He would never hurt me in that way. “Please just tell me you hate me!” he yelled, releasing his hold on my body and once again caging my head in between his strong forearms.

I could see beads of sweat forming on his hairline, and I knew the reason his hair was messed up was that that girl Jessica had been running her fingers all through it as she moved all over him, but I didn’t even care at the moment.

“Just fucking tell me that you wanted that guy’s hands all over you instead of mine. Tell me you’d rather fuck anyone besides me! Please tell me that you don’t want this and just push me away from you, because I can’t walk away otherwise.”

That was when it all clicked and started to make sense. Joshua wasn’t dragging me back in only to keep pushing me away because he wanted to. He was doing it because he wanted to push me away and he couldn’t. That meant that he really did want me to be the one to do it for him. And I really should. I should have shoved him away from me. The truth was he was dangerous to me. But I was conflicted and I was hesitant to do so.

I found myself staring into his eyes, and I could see the torment brewing within the brown depths, and I realized that it matched my own. We were both trapped. Both of us split on what was right and wrong, trying to communicate feelings to each other neither of us even comprehended ourselves.

Joshua’s head fell, and he reared his hand back and banged on the wall. “Fucking go!” The demand was like a wave crashing, but I stayed put, rooted where I stood. I could see that he was hurting. I could feel him shaking with his agony and all of a sudden I didn’t care that he’d hurt me. It no longer mattered to me. It didn’t matter that my stomach fell to the floor when I saw him with Jessica. Nothing else mattered in this moment but him.

I knew life hadn’t been kind to him. Just like it hadn’t been kind to me either. That was all it took for me to make a decision. I slowly moved my hands to his chest. I pressed my palm to the fierce beating of his heart, and when he finally opened his mouth to speak, I felt it grow faster. “Tell me you hate me. Tell me to fucking leave, Abby. Please.”

His head bolted up, and he pinned me with a look so filled with longing that I felt all the way down to my soul.“If you don’t you need to know that nothing changes tomorrow, I’m going to try all over again. I’m going to do everything I can until you hate me so you’ll finally learn to stay away. I’ll never fucking stop, so tell me to go.”

I felt his sorrow twist inside me, mixing everything up, and that was exactly the thing that I needed to push me right over the edge. My unsteady hand clutched at his hard jaw. I pulled him to me and felt myself give in to what we both really wanted. My lips covered his in a hungry punishing kiss, and I pushed all thoughts away. His hands gripped my waist, and he lifted me up, forcing my legs to wrap him and allow him to press against my middle.

I let out a loud moan, breathed in the hot air trapped inside this room filled up with too much emotion, and pushed right back against him. “Fuck thinking about tomorrow,” I whispered before biting his lip until I tasted blood. His eyes flared with desire, and it forced a dose of heat to surge through my center. “Fuck tomorrow then.” Joshua sat us down on the bed, and my legs fell over both sides of him.

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