Page 35 of Drawn To You

I tried to swallow down a lump in my throat and looked down at her lips. They were not Abby’s soft plump lips, and I hated this. I needed to know what Abby was doing right now. Was she seeing this interaction between Jessica and me? Was she stewing with hatred for me?

Would she push me away the next time I tried to get close to her? Because deep down I knew I would try to get close to her again. I would want to put my hands all over her body if she would let me. I just hoped she was smarter and had more willpower than I was currently displaying and would dismiss me as I deserved.

The noise at the party seemed to grow louder, as I watched Jessica bite her lip with what looked like eager excitement. Suddenly Maddox handed me another shot, and I tossed it back, relishing the way it burned through my system.

I skimmed my attention to James who was still talking to Abby, making sure I never made direct eye contact with her, and I found him watching her like she was some kind of a four-course meal on a platter he was ready to devour. Over my dead body would I allow a douche bag like him to touch my girl!Not my girl…I reminded myself again. Regardless of what she was to me, I kept my gaze locked on James, refusing to look away. If he so much as tried to make a move on Abby I’d be across this yard in a flash and he’d be choking on his teeth after I put my fist through his face. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself because I couldn’t help my sudden alpha male tendencies that seemed to take over whenever Abby was concerned. I finally looked away when Maddox got my attention by handing me yet another shot and I quickly tossed it back.

“Fuck yeah,” Maddox said, nodding his head at me. “That’s the Joshua that I used to know.” I gave him a quick glare, and I knew he understood the question I had burning on the tip of my tongue. He looked over my shoulder at the crowd at my back before coming back to me.

“Abby’s fine,” he mouthed, and I felt my throat constricted. Jessica flipped around with my hands still on her hips and began rubbing her ass on the front of my jeans. I barely noticed, though, because I was too concerned with what was going on with Abby behind my back. Seeing James standing with her had done nothing to ease my frustrations and concerns. I needed to see her for myself. I needed to look her in the eyes. Just once.

But when I turned my head around, catching a glimpse of her black dress, my stomach plummeted to the floor. I zeroed in on James, the fucking asshole daring to touch her ass, and the hold on all my rational thinking immediately disappeared. Jessica was suddenly shoved away from me, and I was ready to mow down any person that stood in my direct path to getting to Abby, but just as soon as I started to make my way, I watched as James pulled her away from the crowd and they disappeared into the house together.What the fuck!

Twenty Seven

Ugly Truths Revealed

Abigail

Don’t even look at him. Don’t do it.

My eyes casually glance over to where Joshua is across the party with Maddox, and I hated myself for not being able to keep a hold of my emotions while I stood there trying to drown my feelings in booze. And now I knew that cheap vodka was nasty!It had tasted like rubbing alcohol burning down my throat, and it took everything I had not to spit it back out like a rookie after Lily had handed me the tiny shot glass. At first, I’d tried sipping on it, but Rain and Lily had laughed at me before making me shoot it. So even though I wasn’t a huge fan of Vodka straight I took the shot anyway, chucking it back and downing it within seconds. I knew why I was on a mission to lose myself in the alcohol tonight. I could still feel Joshua staring at me, and I wanted to show him that I was just fine without him, that his little display with Jessica earlier didn’t bother me in the slightest.

Sure, my heart felt like it had taken a beating, and it took every bit of strength I had in my body to keep my mouth shut as I had watched Jessica grinding up on him from across the party, but I was fine. Only, now that I found myself being pulled into a dark room with hands that were so unfamiliar to me resting over parts that only Joshua had ever touched, I felt sick.

The old fear of being touched by someone was creeping back in and had my heart pounding in my chest. It brought up memories of Sterling from that night long ago when he had whispered things into my ear that had made my skin crawl and it caused me to panic a little. Now that I was a little more confident with myself, I wasn’t as scared as I would have once been, but the fear was still there, whispering quietly in the back of my head. The past still threatened to rise to the surface, and I had to remind myself that I had agreed to this. I didn’t remember his name, but I’d seen him around at parties a few times, and he seemed like an OK guy.

I knew he played football with Maddox back in high school. I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me, and if I told him to stop he would. He had been very genuine with me all night and when his gaze met mine and he asked me if I wanted to go somewhere a little more private with him, I was about to tell him I wasn’t ready for anything like that, but when my gaze had landed on Joshua and Jessica once again I found myself nodding in approval.

I had wanted to let Lily and Rain know where I was going, but if I looked over at them, then I’d see Joshua and Jessica again, and I couldn’t stomach it. So here I was, on my own, and I needed to trust myself. The door latched closed, and the room was so dark I couldn’t see anything. My pulse was skyrocketing, and I took a deep breath as the guy I came in here with slowly backed me up against the bed.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d shoot me down or not,” he whispered along my neck. His breath smelled of beer, and I swallowed back the taste of the vodka that I still tasted on my tongue. “Someone told me that you were done hooking up with Joshua. Is that true? Or should I be prepared for him to knock down that door?” I let out a bitter laugh, trying to force away the bubble of excitement that thought conjured. What the hell was wrong with me?! Joshua was currently all up on someone else!

“I don’t know if you noticed or not but Joshua is currently occupied with someone else. He’s definitely not coming in here to stop us.” I gulped down my fears and tipped my head to the side to allow him better access. “He doesn’t care what I do.”

The truth behind those words tasted bitter, but I tried to relax as what’s his name’s rough hands skimmed down the sides of my black dress and firmly gripped my ass. “Are you sure about that, I just find it hard to believe anyone would let a girl like you go so easily?” “Yeah, I’m positive.” I wasn’t though. The truth was that I wasn’t sure about anything anymore. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to do this with him, but I was going to do it anyway.

I tried to push all thoughts away and focus on the warm breath I felt against my neck and placed my lips on his. The only thought running through my mind was the fact that they didn’t feel like Joshua’s. They didn’t make my knees weak or cause a wave of heat to crash into my core, but in a sense, his kiss still felt kind of good. I tried to relax when I felt his hands start to move slowly over my hips and up over my breasts, and my breathing hitched a little. I told myself I wasn’t panicking, and I wasn’t trying to push away memories of what Sterling had done from my head. I didn’t feel that same old prickle of fear that I’d used to feel when men had touched me in the past. I didn’t feel unsafe. So I let my tongue move inside his mouth, and I started to feel a little bit better about this.

His touch grew more insistent, and with all the alcohol, I had consumed making things a little fuzzy I began to lose myself in the moment until I realized that the only reason why I wasn’t freaking out right now or trying to force thoughts of my past away was that instead of remembering Sterling’s cruel hands on me I was thinking about Joshua, not this guy who was touching me. I was only thinking of Joshua.

I thought about the time his hands had cupped my ass as he pushed me up against the tree. I thought about the way he made my body sing each time he touched me. I thought about how good it felt when he took me in his mouth or when he joined his body with mine.

How thrilling it had been when he took me at the park. I knew it was dangerous and it was wrong to do something like that out in the open where anyone could have seen us, but my body had responded to the danger, just like it was responding now at just the thought of it.

I told myself that I wasn’t kissing some random guy in the middle of a party. In my head, I was kissing Joshua. I felt my nipples start to harden, and I whimpered, feeling a little unhinged. What the fuck was wrong with me?! I needed to stop thinking of Joshua! I was going to drive myself crazy, and I felt myself starting to get a little antsy. I spread my legs a little wider, wanting nothing more than for this guy to make me feel him instead of the one guy who kept slipping inside my chest and crushing my heart.

“No,” I said, taking his hand from my breasts and placing it between my legs. “I want you right here.” “Holy Fuck,” he hissed over my lips in a breathy way. “Whatever you want, doll.” I felt my head fall back as I tried to push Joshua out of my head once again. It’s not Joshua. But…to me it was. The next thing I knew the door was being flung open, and a shadow appeared in the doorway. Then whatever his name was hands stopped moving right on the brink of where my panties started, and I froze.

The blinding light was suddenly flipped on, and the air was suddenly so thick you could have cut it with a knife. Joshua stood there, glaring directly at me with a fire raging in his eyes, and that only made my body go up in flames. His face was completely flushed, and the skin on his knuckles was broken and bleeding.

My first thought was to race over to him to see what he had done to hurt himself, but I stopped myself before I could. “What are you doing in here?” I demanded, keeping my hands firmly on the set of broad shoulders of no name. “Shouldn’t you be off with Jessica somewhere?” The guy shook his head and laughed a little. “I told you so, he would have been a fool to let you slip through his fingers so easily.” He looked away from me, and slowly took his hand out from underneath my dress. I inhaled deeply as I looked over at Joshua, who now had murder written all over him. Why did I feel guilty all of the sudden?

“James here apparently feels like getting his teeth knocked in. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have his hands all over something that belongs to me.” Joshua took a step closer to us, but I ignored him and looked at the guy who was just kissing me. “You should probably leave.” His gaze traveled down my body and he looked disappointed. “You’re probably right. I don’t like the idea of having to schedule an emergency visit to see my dentist after your boy knocks out all my teeth. But you’re fucking hot, babe. If things don’t work out between you two, look me up, yeah?”

His comment made me feel a little disappointed in myself for hooking up with a stranger on a whim, and I was instantly angry at myself. “Thanks, but casual hookups aren’t usually my thing. This was a little out of character for me, and I’m not looking to repeat this temporary lapse of judgment anytime soon.” I straightened my shoulders and pulled down the hem of my dress. I was ready to get out of this room. Actually, I was ready to leave this party.

I left James standing there, and willed myself not to look at Joshua, as I walked over to the bedroom door with whatever was left of my dignity intact.

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