Page 32 of Drawn To You

“Shannon had you locked down right out of high school, don’t make that same mistake with Abby.” I rolled my eyes, standing up alongside him. “What makes you think I’d let myself go there again?” I walked over to the door, keeping my back to him. “Don’t fall for the pussy trap, Joshua. You’re making the right choice.” But was I?

* * *

As soon as I pulled into my new driveway my phone started ringing. When I saw Shannon’s name lighting the screen I groaned in frustration. She was the last fucking person I wanted to talk to right now. But my kids were with her so I answered.

“Hello,” “Hey” … “Are the boys OK?” I asked concerned now. “Yeah, the boys are fine. I’m sorry to bug you this late but I have something really important I need to discuss with you. Before you find out from someone else, I thought you should hear it from me, first.”

What the hell can it be, now?“OK, what is it, Shannon? Just spit whatever it is out.” I say feeling so tired and wanting to just get off the phone. “I’m pregnant.”Silence…

I feel like I just got punched in the stomach, and the world stopped turning for a second before I calmly ask “Who is the Father?” it’s all I can manage. “I think you already know the answer to that. It’s Robert’s baby. I just wanted you to hear it from me first.” she says and I see red. “Congratulations, Shannon. I’m so happy for you both!” I seethe before hanging up on her and storming into my place and started pacing.

I wanted to call Abby back and lose myself in her but I knew that I was teetering over the edge of right and wrong. Pulled in two opposite directions. Abby deserved better than to be used and discarded, she also deserved to stay safe and untouched by this part of the fucked up world that I was all too familiar with.

My chest screamed with the pounding of my heart. Shit. I needed to shove her away for her own good. She was better off not being involved in this shit show I call my life. I need to get her far away from spiderwebs of lies, and dysfunction that she had no business being a part of. I’m so enraged that I end up punching a hole through one of the walls and the pain in my knuckles doesn’t even faze me at all because that was when I felt it. That was when I felt the crack right down the middle of my chest.

* * *

Abigail

The next day I was sitting at JavaCo with the girls. Feeling sorry for myself because I felt so put out over Joshua wanting me to leave so abruptly last night. “Don’t even spare him a single thought, and you know what…fuck him for making you drive home right after helping him move, that was such a Dick move. When he calls you later tell him that you’re busy with someone else.” Rain pulled out the chair beside Lily. “Yeah, like with another guy. Serves him right.”

I tucked a piece of fallen hair behind my ear, almost wishing that I’d worn it down today so I could hide. I had no intention of stooping to Joshua’s level and playing yet another game. It felt like we had been playing a game for weeks. So, to be honest, I didn’t have the energy. I hadn’t been sleeping well because my nightmares were a regular occurrence now. Ever since Sterling started trying to contact me I’ve been in a constant state of paranoia that he would suddenly pop out from behind a tree or something and it really had me on edge.

He was still sending me text messages, each one more bizarre than the last, leading me to believe that he has gone completely off the deep end. I haven’t bothered telling Joshua about the messages because first, I don’t want to have to go into detail about the past, and secondly, I don’t want to add to his pile of burdens. I know he has enough on his plate.

I was disappointed and confused about what had happened yesterday, but I also didn’t want to read too much into it. Maybe he really was tired and wasn’t pushing me away like I feared he was.

All I know was that whenever he touched me, everything else faded away. I was beginning to learn that being with Joshua was a sort of a healing balm for me. Not even writing was taking away the haunting thoughts and memories that plagued me. In the past, writing brought them out and I was able to let it all out and gain a temporary release of sorts. That wasn’t how it was anymore. My writing was replaced with two brown eyes that could see right through me. Everything was just gone with Joshua around. And it was scary. Too many things were left unsaid and lingering. I shoved my coffee away, starting to feel weighed down from the week.

Something inside me was tempted to listen to Lily and Rain and knock Joshua down a few pegs. Everything was so messy between us, and I was more confused than ever. I was angry and felt used in a way, but there was the teeniest, tiniest slip in my chest at the mere thought of him that told me just how fleeting those emotions were.

My mind wandered to thoughts of Joshua and Shannon and a whisper of uncertainty graced my ears. According to Joshua, Shannon and he were done, but my mind keeps going back to that day after Josh’s funeral when he went out for a drink with her and ended up flaking on me. Thinking about that day did nothing but stir up anxiety. And although I sensed nothing but red flags regarding Shannon, I also wanted to corner her and demand answers. Joshua said they were over. That was something to hold on to.

“Alright, that’s it! We’re going to party tonight. Maddox is having a party at his house and we’re going.” Lily declared. We met eyes, and she smirked. “You and I are going to blow off some steam, Abby. I demand it. Let’s have some fun. Fuck Joshua and the bullshit.” Lily knew the most about me and Joshua, although not all of it. She didn’t push me for more information. I was certain it was because she knew I wouldn’t tell if I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t that type of girl.

Rain clapped. “Hell yes! We should pull out all the stops, Lily.” I was thinking about going with them and how much the thought of being normal seemed so inviting. I needed it. I needed to find another way to deal with everything happening lately, and Joshua was being standoffish and I had too much dignity to beg for his attention. I couldn’t rely on his touch. I couldn’t rely on Joshua to silence my trauma and fix my broken pieces.

“Oh shit.” Rain quickly snapped her big brown eyes back to me, and I froze. My heart began to slam in my chest, and my stomach plummeted to the floor. I was too afraid to look behind me. There were just too many possibilities that could have caused her to look so panicked. “What? What is it?”

“That mother fucker. I swear to God, I’m going to kill him!” Lily’s voice was rising, so I placed my hand on hers to calm her down. I didn’t want her stressing anymore than she already was with everything she was going through since losing Josh. She put on a brave face for the world but we all knew how much she was broken inside and how much she was struggling to rebuild her entire world.

I’ll never forget the heart-wrenching sobs we would often hear coming from her room for the first few months after Josh had passed. They will haunt me for the rest of my life. Because I knew when I heard my friend crying that I was truly hearing the sound of a heart actually breaking.

“Don’t even look behind you.” Rain was trying to appear calm, whereas Lily was fuming. Her skin was burning hot against my hand. Slowly, I swung my attention past Rain. From the corner of my eye, I saw my friends look down at me with pity before shaking their heads at whatever was unfolding. Why was I so nervous? Their pitiful stares were the final shove I needed to raise my chin and look behind me.

As soon as I allowed myself to look, it was like ice water pouring down my spine. There he was, sitting at Cold Stone, with his black button down with the top buttons undone at the top. His dark hair was standing straight up as it always does whenever I run my hands through it. I didn’t recognize the girl that was on his lap. I was too laser-focused on the way his large hand splayed against her hip like he was seconds from gripping her and plopping her down on the table in front of him. I felt myself starting to shake, feeling like I was going to be sick to my stomach. It was like he had physically wounded me. The pain was brutal.

I was feeling overbearing emotional pain, and instead of letting it devour me and allowing it to take me down in front of my friends and everyone at the coffee shop, I pushed myself harder onto the seat that was holding me up and looked right back over at Lily. Her jaw was set, and her arms were crossed against her chest. She looked angry, and I was too.

He was always warning me that he would end up hurting me and that I should stay away. I wouldn’t ignore his warnings any longer. Not now. “Party at Maddox’s house sounds like a great idea,” I said, smiling at Lily and Rain. Lily’s eyebrow raised, and there was a glimmer in her eye. “Heartache is a cause for rebellion, Abby. We’re gonna have some fun tonight.” “Absolutely.”

Twenty Six

You can’t always fix Broken…

Joshua

“You know what you need to do, bro.” I sliced my attention to Maddox, who was lining up to take his shot on the pool table, looking more smug than usual. “Just make her hate you. It’ll be the easiest way to get her off your back. Then there will be no chance to fuck her and you can just move on to more pussy.” To fuck her. Like that was all I cared about when it came to Abby. Royce chuckled from beside him. “Shouldn’t be too hard at this point.” “Yeah?” I asked, slapping my hand down on the table, gaining a few quick glances from those who weren’t aware that I was seconds from flipping the fuck out.

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