Page 17 of Drawn To You

“What is going on in that beautiful noggin of yours. Huh? “Spill, girl!”Lily demanded. “It’s no big deal,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I call B.S., something is going on with you.” “Yeah,” Rain murmured, eyeing me too, both of them waiting on a response from me.

Should I drop this news on them after what Rain just shared? Is hanging out with Joshua such a bad idea, and if it is do I really want to hear that right now? I’m feeling kind of vulnerable at the moment and I don’t think I’m ready to face my feelings right now.

I shoot them both a look but they ignore me and wait for my reply. I fidget in my seat, the old metal chair tearing into the skin of my thighs and making me flinch. Lily peers over at me and lets out a frustrated breath. “Look, if you really don’t want to tell us what’s going on with you, you know you don’t have to. But we can’t help if you don’t let us in.”

“It’s just, something weird happened the other day when we were at the barbecue. Maybe it’s just me, and I’m just taking it wrong but I don’t know what to do. Joshua’s wife Shannon asked me if I would come over to hang out with him while she goes out with their neighbor, and the whole thing just felt strange to me.” I rush out my explanation, knowing I probably wasn’t making much sense.

“Wait! Hold up, Shannon asked you to go over to spend time alone with Joshua, her husband, while she goes out with their neighbor? You are not wrong, that is straight-up weird, girl!” Lily burst out. “What did you say to her?” she asked.

“I kind of agreed I would,” I admitted, and both my friends looked at me like I had just confessed to sniffing glue. “Abby, why would you agree to something crazy like that? I love Joshua, we’ve been friends since high school, but things with him and Shannon are really complicated and I’d hate for you to get mixed up in all that mess. Plus, Shannon is legit CRAZY and I really don’t like the idea of you getting too close to her. Who knows what she is really up to, but knowing her, she is definitely up to something, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Lily lectured, going into complete Mom mode now that she was worried.

“I know it’s a bad idea. But I feel so bad for him, knowing what he is going through and I can’t help but want to be there for him? You know?” I tried to explain and Lily looked at me knowingly. “Abby, you know I would never judge you, but I have to ask, do you maybe have feelings for Joshua?” she asked looking very worried now at the possibility.

I bite my lip in frustration before letting out another pent-up breath, not knowing what to say but not wanting to lie to my friends. “I don’t know, yes…maybe, it’s complicated!” I admitted and they were both quiet as they seemed to take that in. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know this is hard, especially with everything else you have already been through. Lord knows I’ve been hoping to see you take an interest in someone, but this situation with Joshua can’t go anywhere, at least not right now while he is still caught up doing whatever it is he is doing with Shannon. Even if she is having an affair, they are still technically together. They live together and have kids. This is a recipe for disaster. You don’t want to get involved. Believe me. ” Lily finished.

“I know you are right. I don’t want to get involved, believe me. But I can’t help the way I feel when I’m around him. I can’t help but feel for him and want to help him and ease some of his burdens. If anything I already agreed to hang out. Maybe after that, I could just avoid them?” I suggest not wanting to cancel on Joshua and if I was honest I couldn’t help the small part of me that wanted to see him and I knew by the way my friends were looking at me that they knew what I wasn’t saying. I could see the worry and concern shining from both of their observing stares. I bite my cheek trying to hold it together.

Lily clears her throat, and I snap my eyes to her sitting on the other side of Rain, soaking in the sad expression on her face. She peers at me from her peripheral, sadness weaving through her light-blue eyes. My heart stutters in my chest, fingernails digging into the chair beneath my thighs until they feel like they might split in half. I didn’t know what to say. I felt like I was letting them down with my confession. Lily and Rain were more than just my friends, they were my sisters.

A few years older and eons wiser, Lily had practically helped raise me from the time I was fifteen after I left home and my father got caught with a kilo of coke and thrown in the slammer. My throat swells as I wonder what the hell I’m supposed to say to her that won’t make her think less of me.

“Abby, we love you and are here. No matter what you decide to do. But I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t at least try and warn you that you are heading down a dangerous path. But know that no matter what, we will always have your back.” I felt myself tear up a little, really needing to hear that because I wasn’t feeling too good about myself at the moment and I really needed my friends more than ever. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but something told me that I was about to discover that the light at the end of the tunnel was really the headlight of an oncoming train.

Fifteen

Rum & Coke Night

Abigail

My stomach is in knots. Like the kind that sends anxiety straight to your head and bile up the back of your throat, kind of knots. To say that I was nervous as I walked up to Joshua’s front door would be the understatement of the century. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing here. I should have canceled as Lily suggested but I was too much of a coward and if I were being honest with myself, more than a small part of me wanted to see Joshua. Even more, the reason I should have canceled.

But here I am, about to jump from the frying pan right into the fire, I think as I knock on the door. I took the whole day off to get ready for this night, both mentally and physically. This was my first time hanging out with someone other than one of my close friends ever, so to say that I was a little on edge was a massive understatement. Throw in the fact that I was actively avoiding my attraction to Joshua and this bizarre situation and a little on edge became hanging by a thread off of that edge.

The very man I had been simultaneously hoping and dreading to see for most of the week came to the front door. His eyes barely met mine as he opened the door for me, “Hello,” I muttered, confused by his odd vibe, I knew this was a bad idea. Oh my God, he doesn’t want me here. Did he even know that his wife had invited me?

Joshua replied with a slight smile, “Abby, it’s nice to see you.” but he didn’t really look happy. I didn’t know what to do. “Um, Shannon said to come over tonight, did I get my wires crossed? I can leave.” I started to ramble wanting nothing more than to bolt from this uncomfortable situation I had got myself into, starting to reverse my footing backward to make a quick escape.

A bite of nervous energy clenched my stomach as Joshua placed what I’m sure he meant to be a reassuring hand on my arm. “Abigail, stop, you didn’t get your wires crossed. It was tonight. Come on in.” he said and tugged me through the door.

“Abby, good you are here. Robert and I were just about to leave.” Shannon greeted me as I walked into the room. I could see that she and Robert were both dressed for a night out. It looked like they might even be going out to a club. She kissed Joshua on the cheek before taking Roberts’s arm in hand. “I’ll see you in the morning, I told Zander he could watch a movie before bed.” she said and I must have looked confused because she explained, “We are going to a party at a friend’s house, out of town and we are going to get our drink on so we’re just going to crash at her place. Thank you again for keeping Joshua company while I’m out. I needed some me time so much, you have no idea!” she finished. “Ah, no problem,” I said not knowing what else to say. This is so weird. “I hope you guys have fun,” I say as they walk out, never once looking back again at Joshua.

Once the door was closed behind them I looked at Joshua and my stomach dropped as I saw the sadness in his stare and the bags under his eyes. This man was clearly hurting. “I know how this all looks,” he says gesturing to the door his wife just left through to go out with another man. He gave a humorless chuckle that yanked at my heartstrings and took a sip from his glass he must have poured when I was talking to Shannon, his stare far off and frenzied. My heart went out to him.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. In the weeks I’d known Joshua, I’d come to know him as a self-assured, flirtatious, sometimes silly man. Tonight, between what I’d just witnessed and the defeated look in his eyes I saw now, I felt like I was meeting a different man entirely. One that was shaken and lost like the rest of us.

“What are you drinking?” I asked for lack of anything better to say. The side of his mouth lifted a tad, he flickered his brightened stare up to me. “Try and guess.” He stretched his arm out to me, holding his drink out for me. My eyes went from Joshua’s to the drink many times before I shoved my hesitation out of the way, and closed the gap. Sweet and spicy aromas burned the inside of my nose as I took a whiff of the cocktail. As the taste of the drink washed across my tongue, I knew exactly what I was drinking. “Captain and Coke.” “Wow, I’m impressed. You got it down to the Captain.” I handed Joshua back his drink, dropping my eyes to the floor.

“It’s Rain’s favorite,” I explained with a shoulder shrug. “Would you like to join me? I can make you one, or something else if you prefer.” “I’ll take one.” I smiled, a drink sounded like heaven right now, hopefully, it would calm my nerves some. “So, what movie did you want to watch?” I asked, just trying to keep the conversation going. “I was thinking we could start with Super Man with Christopher Reeves if you’re down?” “Sounds good to me,” I said as I made myself comfortable on the couch.

Joshua handed me my drink before putting in the movie for us and checking on his boys. Ethan was already asleep but Zander came out to say hi to me while his Dad set him up with a Scooby-Doo movie in his room. “Hi, Abby!” he smiled up at me and he was so cute in his Scooby-Doo pajamas and clutching his stuffed Scooby, I couldn’t help but melt a little. “Hi, Zander! I’m so happy to see you again.” “Me too, my Mom says your Dad’s new best friend. But I told her that Uncle Josh is already Daddy’s best friend so you can’t be because it might hurt Uncle Josh’s feelings.” I had no idea how to respond to that so I just said the first thing that came to mind. “Don’t worry, Uncle Josh will always be your Daddy’s best friend. But I’d love to be his friend too, if that’s okay with you,” I smiled and hoped that what I said helped put his mind at ease. “Yeah, I guess that’s okay with me. You’re nice and Mommy says Dad needs a friend like how she has Uncle Robert so he doesn’t get bored by himself.”

“Zander, say goodnight to Abigail, it’s time to settle down and go to bed,” Joshua said and startled me because I hadn’t heard him come back into the room. “Goodnight, Abby!” Zander yelled as he ran from the room and I couldn’t help but laugh again at how cute he was.

* * *

Once Joshua had Zander all set up with his movie and tucked in bed he came back and sat in the reclining chair next to the couch and started the movie. I was happy to learn that he was like me and was the type of person who actually watched the movie as opposed to talking the whole time. So we fell into a comfortable silence, and other than pausing to check on the boys or to refill our drinks we didn’t talk much during the next hour and a half. But it was nice and I actually found that I was enjoying myself. Joshua was just easy to be around.

After Super Man was over and Joshua confirmed that Zander was asleep, we went out to the patio for a smoke break. Joshua lit his joint and took a drag then turned to offer it to me. “No thanks, I don’t smoke.” I was completely comfortable with weed, as most all my friends smoked but I had never tried it. “Yep, that checks out,” Joshua said and smiled at me. “What does that mean?” I questioned him, not liking what he could be implying. “Chill, Abby. I don’t mean anything bad by it, you are just a little tense, is all.” “I’m not tense!” I argued and he laughed.

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