Page 16 of Drawn To You

“Grandpa brought me stickers!” he announced excitedly waving the sticker book in the air for everyone to see. “Wow, I can see that” Josh responded with a smile.

“Zander, I thought I told you to pick up your toys off the living room floor and put them away in your room?” Joshua scolded his son and the little boy stole my heart when he batted his big brown eyes up at him and stuck his tongue out at his father before rushing to do as he was told.

Once Zander had put away all the toys he ran back into the living room and did a couple of laps around the room before stopping in front of me. “What’s your name?” he asked looking at me curiously and I smiled. “You’re a stranger, so I really shouldn’t tell you.” I teased. “That’s true, Mom and Dad say that’s a rule.” “It’s a good rule, but I guess since your Dad, and Mom are here it’s OK if we tell each other our names, what do you think?” I ask and he thinks about it before answering. “I think that it’s OK, but you have to go first.” “My name is Abigail.” I tell him and he smiles up at me. “I’m Zander” he says with his little chest puffed out. “It’s nice to meet you Zander. Where did you learn how to run so fast?” He shrugged. “Dunno. I’ve always known how.”

“Okay, buddy, you can play out back while I get the BBQ going,” Joshua said, and oh holy hell, he called him buddy. His eyes came back to rest on me, and I prayed that he couldn’t see what that did to me. Seeing him interacting with his son melted my heart. Honestly, it was like he was trying to be the most attractive man alive. And the fact that he didn’t realize he was made it even more attractive, which was an entirely separate issue. Zander motioned him down to his own height and whispered something in his ear. If his face had been angled in my direction, I might have seen his lips curve in a smile, but instead, I simply saw the edge of his cheek move. But he nodded to whatever he said.

Joshua led everyone out to the back and Lily and I sat at the patio table as the guys crowded around the BBQ and Zander played with his yard toys in the grass. Zander ran up to Lily and me and reached out his little hand, “Here, I picked these for you,” I looked down and noticed that he had a handful of daisies and I smiled. He really was the sweetest little boy. “Thank you, I love them!” I announced with an exaggerated gasp and he beamed up at me with a huge smile before running off to pick some flowers for Lily.

After some time passed Joshua’s Dad made his way over to join us at the table and Lily introduced me to him. His name was John and he had an infectious smile and the same kind brown eyes as his son. I liked him immediately. After a few minutes passed Lily excused herself to use the restroom, leaving me alone with Joshua’s Dad. There was a moment of awkward silence between us after Lily walked away, because I’m me and, let’s face it, I’m socially awkward.

Suddenly John reached for his beer can and snapped the tab off the top and held it up for me to see. “Have you ever seen anyone use one of these to make a bird call?” He asked me and I shook my head no. “How is that possible?” I asked curiously and he started to bend it back and forth to demonstrate. I watched on waiting to see what he was going to do to make it into a bird call. After he bent it back and forth a few more times I watched as he brought it up to his lips, and I assumed he was going to blow it in some way to make a whistle of some sort. But he doesn’t do that at all, instead, he just holds it up to his lips and says out loud. “Here birdy, birdy.” and I start laughing out loud at my gullibility and he smiles. When Lily comes back I ask him to show her how to make the “bird call” and watched as she fell for it too, much to my relief.

“Foods ready,” Joshua announces and we all make our way in to make our plates before heading back outside to sit at the table to eat. Shannon and Robert come outside to join the rest of the party and Robert is carrying a playpen which he sets up and then comes out with the most darling baby I’ve ever seen. I know this is their other son Ethan. Robert placed the baby in the playpen and came and sat beside Shannon at the table and I couldn’t help but notice how their whole dynamic was a little odd. I’d swear that Joshua’s Dad, John, looked a little uncomfortable in my opinion, but I could be wrong.

We all laughed and even played a few rounds of card games. Shannon was not unpleasant to be around. She was funny and witty. She was definitely the dominant one at the table and controlled most of the conversation. She was loud and opinionated, which isn’t a bad thing. Although I definitely didn’t agree with all of her views on things and the way she treated Joshua was kind of hard to watch at times. You could feel the tension between them and I started to hope that Josh and Lily would want to leave soon.

“So Abigail” I hear you are my husband’s new BFF, Shannon says and I freeze because I really didn’t know what to say to that. “Uh, I wouldn’t say I’m his new BFF, but friend yes.” well this is awkward.

Shannon smiles at me and leans in close so just I can hear her. “I’m actually so happy he met you! You have no idea how hard it has been for me to have a male best friend. I think Joshua gets a little jealous at times when I’m hanging out with Robert. But now that he has met you I’m hoping that he will be more understanding. I know part of the problem is that he gets lonely on my weekends. On his weekends I have Robert here to keep me company, he doesn’t have anyone like that so I was wondering if you’d maybe want to come to hang out with him next weekend and keep him company while Robert and I go out?”

What the actual fuck?! Is she really asking me to come to keep her husband company while she goes out with another guy? I’m so confused and a little uncomfortable. This whole situation is getting weird and I can’t help but wonder if Joshua knew she was going to ask me this. But when I look up and see him I can’t help but feel like a rock is sitting in my chest. He looks so sad sometimes and I want to help ease that somehow if I can. So despite my better judgment and the fact that I know this is a bad idea I hear myself agreeing.

“Sure, I don’t have any other plans so I can come to hang out.” As weird as it is Shannon looks absolutely thrilled by my acceptance of her invite. “I appreciate it so much, you have no idea. I hate the idea of him being here alone. Just be here around seven on Friday and I’ll be sure to order pizza for you guys.” she finishes and turns to talk to Robert leaving me in stunned silence. The rest of the night went smoother after that. The awkward conversation with Shannon is on the back burner for now. I’ll think about it later.

“So, what’s your favorite movie?” Joshua asks me as he takes the empty seat next to me. “Favorite movie?” I hummed. “I don’t know off the top of my head, I’m really more of a reader myself.” “Really?” he said, clearly surprised. “But,” I amended, “I love a good western. So on the spot, I’m going to have to say Tombstone,” “Hmm, I wouldn’t have guessed that.” he smiles. “What about you?” I ask. “I am a huge movie buff. I love all the classic 80’s flicks. Horror films, sci-fi, fantasy. I love it all.” he smiles and I tuck the information away. I like remembering the details about people. It’s knowing the small things that are sometimes the most important things to know about a person that really shows them you care.

Fourteen

Did the Earth just shift or is that just me?

Abigail

The next day I was meeting up with Rain and Lily at Java Co for coffee and I decided I was going to confess everything to them. I needed to talk to someone about the inappropriate feelings I’ve been plagued with concerning Joshua. The whole situation was getting weird and I couldn’t stop wondering if Joshua knew that Shannon was going to ask me to hang out with him like she was scheduling some kind of weird adult play date.

“Hey bitches!” Lily greets me, and I smile. “Ugh, I wish I had your energy right now.” Rain muttered as she sat down.

“Why on earth do you look so grumpy?” “I look grumpy? I’m not grumpy. I’m perfectly normal,” Rain says in a high-pitched voice that’s so unlike her usual soft cadence that could soothe the devil into being good. “Why would you think I’m grumpy?” she snapped.

Yeah, something’s wrong all right. “Okay, what’s wrong with you?” I question. Between the three of us, Rain is the most level-headed, sensible one, but right now she looks off. And that’s saying something.

“She’s definitely grumpy.” Lily chuckles lowly, her bright blue eyes filled with humor. Rain sighs. “I’m not grumpy, well, maybe I am, I don’t know what I’m feeling at the moment, to be honest. I’m tired and I’ve got a lot on my mind, more than I can process.” “Translation, she’s grumpy,” Lily chuckles.

“What’s wrong?” I question, suddenly on high alert. I could tell Rain was nervous and stressed about something. “Are you and Ron fighting?” I question, biting my lip, worried now. “No, it’s nothing like that, I just have some news…” “Rain, stop being so cryptic and spill already,” Lily says. Rain lets out a pent-up breath before saying “I’m pregnant.” Silence. Rain bites her lips, eyes wide as she watches us process that.

“I know that, it’s a shock, this wasn’t planned” she sighs. “and I know Ron and I just barely started dating…” “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that,” Lily jokes. “But know that we are here for you any way you need us!” she says and takes Rain by the hand. “ How did Ron take the news? Is he being a jerk? Do you need me to have Josh kick his ass?” Lily questions, big sister mode kicking into high gear.

“Lily!” Rain huffs. “This is serious!” “Okay, okay, calm down,” Lily chuckles, trying to placate her. “But tell me this, is Ron being supportive?” Rain pauses for a split second, her large doe eyes filled with unshed tears. “Yeah, he is excited about it. He wants me to move in with him,” Rain cries. “I’m happy, I am, I’m just overwhelmed and a little scared.”

“Rain, don’t worry.” I smile. “You’ve got this and Lily is right, we are here for you!” “Thanks, guys!” she cries, tears now streaming down her face. Rain isn’t usually a drama queen. If anything, she doesn’t like having any kind of attention on her. “I’m a mess.” “What you need to do is calm down and drink a lot of water, or maybe some tea to soothe your frayed nerves,” I say trying to soothe her. “You’re right, my nerves are fried,” she sighs.

“Rain, you’re going to be a wonderful mom, the very best!” I say, trying once again to soothe my distressed friend. “Stop stressing,” I say. “You’re right, it’s totally fine. I’m fine. It’s going to be just fine.” Rain starts rambling. “Rain, babe, just breath,” Lily says.

We laugh, even as the shadows in our eyes remain. Life’s been hard. The three of us know that, almost better than anyone else. Which is such a fucking shame to have lived this short life and have a world of trauma that exceeds a lifetime. But we’re still here. The laughter dies down but soon, Rain starts crying again. “Calm down, Rain, everything will be fine.”

I nod, not saying a word. It’s not lost on me that things are going to change. The distance between me and my best friend is not just physical. A lot is going to happen in my friend’s life with an addition of a baby. Her priorities are going to need to change and our dynamic is going to need to change. My friendship with Rain, well, it’s the most important relationship in my life, but I know that needs to change now. She needs to be able to focus on her relationship with Ron and their new baby. I don’t want to be a distraction. I am so happy for her but the selfish side of me couldn’t help but feel a little lost knowing I could no longer count on being a priority to my best friend anymore. I suddenly felt alone for some reason. After everything I have been through in my life the thread of trauma is so intricately woven inside of me that it’s never long until something tugs at it, awakening a flood of shit I don’t want to deal with.

“Abby…” Lily says with a sigh after a while, the sadness in her voice clear as day. She can read me better than I’d like her to sometimes. Before this conversation goes south, I cut her off. “I’m good,” I say, forcing a smile. “Just processing .” “Tell me about it, girl,” Rain agrees, acting like she isn’t aware of my sudden tension, but I know she is. She’s aware of everything, even when you don’t want her to be.

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