Page 12 of Drawn To You

Unease filled me as I recognized Joshua coming towards us with a tall blonde at his side. Who I assumed to be his wife. I also noticed the tall stranger at her other side and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was the neighbor she was supposedly having an affair with. Surely she wouldn’t bring him to a party with her husband, would she?!

I felt my stomach clench at the thought of being near Joshua again. Every time he and I were in the same space, the conversation turned uncomfortable and the spotlight always pointed toward me.

“I’m gonna go get another drink” I announced, hoping I could use the excuse to get away in time and hopefully dodge the impending encounter with Joshua and his wife.

“I’m afraid that might be a problem as the party just ran out of hard alcohol, the guys are collecting funds now to make a run,” Josh informed me, and my heart sank as my plan went up into flames and I watched as Joshua, his wife, and the mystery man made it to our little corner before I made my planned escape.

“Look who decided to make an appearance.” Josh grinned as he greeted Joshua with what I often like to refer to as a “bro hug”, before looking to Joshua’s wife and nodding, “Shannon, glad you guys could make it.”

“My sister was able to babysit so we could have some much-needed adult fun,” Shannon replied before turning to the man standing on her other side, “You all remember our neighbor Robert?” She said taking his hand and pulling him forward.

“Ah, yeah. How’s it going?” Josh replied, clearly a little uncomfortable. “Hey!” Robert said way too loudly for any normal person, his eyes darting to each of us, clearly uncomfortable himself.

“Shannon, this is my sister Rain and her best friend Abigail. I don’t think you guys have ever met.” Lily chimed in, trying to ease everyone’s discomfort. “No, we haven’t,” Shannon replied, her gaze narrowing in on Rain and myself. “It’s nice to meet you both.” her saccharine smile not quite reaching her eyes. She seemed to be sizing us both up and judging by her expression I could tell that she found us both lacking in some way.

I got the feeling she wasn’t a very nice person and couldn’t help but wonder how someone as nice as Joshua had ended up with someone like her. I immediately felt guilty for my train of thought. I shouldn’t be judging her. I had just met her, for all I know I could be wrong and she could be a lovely person.

“Robert and I are making the store run since I haven’t started drinking yet. Did anyone want to throw in?” Shannon asked and right away everyone busied themselves with getting out their money to chip in.

Shannon raised her eyebrows a little as she watched me pull out my cash. I had just cashed my check before the party instead of depositing it so I wouldn’t have to wait for my funds to be available in case my bank decided to put a hold on it. So I had more cash on hand than I was usually comfortable with. When I handed her the money she smiled at me and asked if I had any special requests. I told her I was good with whatever.

She turned to Joshua and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and told him she would be back before leaving with Robert. As they walked away I couldn’t help but notice the flash of what looked like a pained expression on Joshua’s face as he watched them leave together.

Over the next half hour or so I sipped my new drink that Josh had somehow magically appeared with while I chatted with my girls, idly admiring Joshua as he talked to Josh and Maddox. Every now and then he’d catch my eye, giving me a smile or a cheeky wink, and every time, my heart skipped a beat just before shame would flood me and I’d make myself look away. I knew he was just a playful person, he didn’t mean anything by his harmless flirting. It was just his nature. I wasn’t going to make more out of it than it was.

Shannon and Robert had returned with the booze for the party and then seemed to disappear together again. I couldn’t help but feel bad for Joshua. Lily had been right, things did not look good.

A short time later the guys had a fire going for us and we were all sitting around it and laughing, enjoying each other’s company when Joshua pulled up a chair and settled in next to me. A smile on his face, but in his eyes, I saw everything.

What I saw shot a bullet of sympathy right through my heart, and I had to restrain myself from asking what it was putting that despairing look in his beautiful eyes. It wasn’t my place to ask, after all. But I had a sinking feeling that I already knew and I realized I was suddenly angry on his behalf. He didn’t deserve his wife’s betrayal. I just couldn’t wrap my brain around a reason why he let it go on in the first place and why he stayed with someone who was so obviously unfaithful. Once again I reminded myself that it was not my place to judge their situation.

A feminine laugh sounds beside me and I’m distracted by Lainey’s amusing account of a recent date she went on. “I swear, I didn’t know what to do. He took me to see a movie and we got there really early, so he made me hold twenty dollars worth of tokens while he played arcade games. Then, he dropped the bomb that he had invited his Dad to join us for the movie because they had been estranged until recently. Later, when his Dad showed up he was clearly just as surprised by my presence as I was by his. Then we all went into the theater and his Dad ended up sitting in the row behind us. It was awkward as fuck!” she finished with a huff. “You mean to tell me he didn’t even share his tokens with you?” I teased and everyone laughed.

“So what’s your worst date story, I’m sure you have a good one to share?” Joshua asked me with a playful twinkle in his eye and suddenly, I felt like a deer caught in headlights at his innocent question. I hated when things like this came up. For a second I was filled with the old pain and anger, knowing that once again something that should be so simple and normal never will be for me. I didn’t know how to answer him, knowing whatever I said would expose some of my truths and lay me bare before them and they would all know that I’m not normal.“I don’t have one.” I simply stated and he pushed, “Oh come on, I’m sure you could think of one if you put your mind to it.”

Lily, at overhearing our conversation and being one of the few people who knew my secrets and understood my predicament jumped in to help me, “Leave her alone, Joshua! You’re making her uncomfortable!” she sternly snapped at him, her defenses up in an effort to shield me the only way she could. But her harsh tone must have alerted Joshua that he had mistakenly touched on a sensitive subject and he looked thoughtful for a moment, his brows furrowed in confusion. Then he suddenly smiled, seeming to have reached some conclusion.

For a moment longer he eyed me with suspicion edging around his irises.“Wait, are you a virgin?’ he boldly asked clearly amused by the idea. “Joshua stop!” Lily bit out. “Abigail, you don’t have to answer that. It’s none of his business!” she assured me while glaring daggers at him before turning back to the conversation she had been having with the other girls.

Looking at me, Joshua threw his hand up in surrender, “Whoa, okay. I’m sorry.” he said and my eyes must have been as wide with shock as they felt as Joshua failed to hide the amusement lighting up his eyes as all of the blood drained from my face. I couldn’t move.

Mortified beyond the point of speaking, I actively tried to look anywhere but at Joshua, trying to block his wildly entertained face from my view. “Abigail, hey.” His voice was suddenly softer, and if I wasn’t mistaken, there was a hint of unease. The surrounding air was thick with a palpable tension that stuck to my skin like sweat the longer the silence between us lingered. It was too much. Being here with him, dread filling me at the thought he might uncover my secrets, it was all too much to handle.

“Look, I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable by my question,” he spoke suddenly and I’d give anything at that moment for the power of invisibility. That wasn’t asking a lot. I just wanted to be able to disappear from this conversation and run away from Joshua until we both forgot this ever happened.

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable,” I lied. “Then why can’t you look at me?” Inside, I was holding in a groan. On the outside, I had to pretend as if everything was fine by turning around and facing him. “See? All good, I’m fine.”

His eyebrows dipped together. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just assumed you were okay with that kind of teasing.” Somehow his apology made me more uncomfortable than I already was. “It’s really not a big deal, just drop it.” Joshua sighed to himself, his eyes searching my face. “Abigail, you’re obviously still very uncomfortable.”

“If you think I’m so uncomfortable, then why keep talking about it?” I snapped, growing more frustrated with him. “I’m trying to apologize to you. I don’t want you feeling weird around me just because I figured out you’re a virgin and I have a wildly inappropriate sense of humor. I’m just not used to being around someone who’s so inexperienced and sensitive talking about sex. But I won’t tease you about this again, I promise.”

My gaze ripped up from where it was directed on the floor, narrowing on Joshua while an inferno exploded through my veins. “I’m not sensitive aboutsex,” I whisper the word. “I’m sensitive about talking about my private life with someone I barely know, and I think that’s fair.” “You’re right.” He nodded, holding his hands up towards me, and seemed genuine in his words. “It totally is. But you can’t claim that you’re not sensitive talking about sex and then not be able to say the word without whispering it.” “Just because I didn’t yell the word doesn’t mean I’m sensitive talking about it,” I snapped back.

He shrugged his shoulders before crossing his arms together over his chest. “Then say it.” he dared, a challenge glowing in his eyes. With annoyance filling me I rolled my eyes at him. “I’m not playing this game with you.” I snapped. “Fine, but people have sex and talk about it, Abigail, it’s nothing you should be ashamed of.”

“I know that!” My whisper was harsh as I exploded at him. “I know people dothat. I just—” I sighed, dropping my head into my hand and covering up my growing embarrassment.

“It’s just complicated, okay?” A few silent seconds passed before Joshua spoke again. “Why…?” I wanted to stop this conversation. I wanted to stop it before it even started.

---