Page 1 of Drawn To You

I

Part One

One

Prologue

Abigail

My Mom once told me that love and hate are just different sides of the same coin. They are the two most powerful emotions that humans can experience. The difference between loving someone and hating them can sometimes be a little more unclear than many would like to admit. The passion and the pain felt, like a double-edged sword.

I never really understood what she meant until I met Joshua and he became my whole world. Then my world got turned upside down and I found myself living in a nightmare. I think most relationships are more or less dysfunctional in different ways. No perfect relationship exists but in order to stay in a committed relationship, most people adapt to disappointments and disillusionment during the time they’re together. If there is enough good in the relationship to compensate, they weather the storms and continue to love each other.

A domino effect or chain reaction is the cumulative effect produced when one event sets off a chain of similar events.

He entered my world and just like a domino—I fell.

Two

Invisible Girl

Abigail - age 14

The heavy smell of cigarette smoke wakes me up. I groan to myself and roll off my makeshift bed on the couch in my grandparent’s living room. I can’t stand the smell but I’m used to it. My Grandma and Uncle are both chain-smoking in the kitchen and all the lights are on. I know that there is absolutely no chance I’ll ever be able to go back to sleep now that they are up so I fold my blanket and tuck it away under the side table where I keep my very few personal belongings. It’s probably best that I get up anyway. Today is my first day at my new school and I don’t want to be late.

“Are you going to school today?” my Grandma asks as I stumble past her on my way to the bathroom. “Yeah.” I simply replied. The anxiety gnawing at me grows with each step I take, and by the time I start the shower, it’s nearly unbearable.

I briefly wonder what it would be like if I were a normal teenager simply experiencing all the normal anxieties of starting over at a new school right in the middle of the school year. What would that be like? I’d probably be worried about making friends, and who I was going to sit with at lunch. Wondering if I was going to like my classes and what I should wear. I might even have been a little excited at the prospect of meeting a boy.

But I feel none of these things. In fact, I feel completely cut off from anything remotely resembling a normal teenage existence. The truth is I don’t care about any of the things I think I’m supposed to care about. Or at the very least I’m telling myself that I don’t care. After everything that’s happened it all seems so insignificant to me.

I hurry and wash my hair and body and towel off so I can quickly get dressed and get out of the bathroom as fast as I can before anyone else needs to use it and gets mad that I’m in there. I want to avoid a verbal assault this early in the morning if I can.

I throw on a pair of blue jeans and a plain navy t-shirt and slip on my favorite oversize hoodie and a pair of converse. I’m too self-conscious to go anywhere without my sweater. Even if it’s hot outside I’m reluctant to take it off. I know this is probably due to some psychological distress and most likely not healthy behavior, but I don’t care, the hoodie stays. I tackle my thick curly mop of hair and try to tame it into a messy bun as best I can and I’m ready to go.

I don’t eat breakfast so I just grab my backpack and walk out the door. Instead of heading straight to school, I walk next door to Amanda’s house. She said she would walk with me and show me around. At least I will know one person at this school. It’s just too bad that she is a grade above me and we won’t have any classes together.

I’ve known Amanda and her brothers Ken and David since I was three years old and they moved next door. I remember the day I met her I was playing in the front yard and her mom walked her over to introduce her to me. I remember asking her if she wanted to be my friend and she smiled at me. We’ve been friends ever since.

I was five years old the first time my parents were able to move us out of my grandparent’s house so as fate would have it, I had always attended a different school than Amanda. But we stayed close and always played together on the weekends and during the summers when I stayed at my Grandparent’s house.

I walked up to their front door and could see Amanda’s mom Audrey through the open window. She caught sight of me and smiled and came and opened the door for me. “Good morning Abigail, are you excited about your first day of school?” she asked with a friendly smile. I mustered up the best attempt at a smile I could and told her I was looking forward to my first day when Amanda walked into the kitchen.

“Mom, David won’t get out of the bathroom and I need my brush,” she complained. “The brat can wait her turn, I’m not done yet!” I could hear David yelling from the bathroom. “Just go use my brush Honey.” their mom replied and Amanda rolled her eyes but complied.

I just sat and waited while Amanda finished getting ready. When we were finally on our way I could see that she was excited I was with her. “I’ll go with you to the office to pick up your schedule and then I’ll help you find your classes, it’s a good thing we are early today.”

She continued to try and fill me in on any and everything she could possibly think of that she thought I would need to know about the school and about her friends and the boy she liked, and I tried to listen and engage with her bubbly conversation but I found my focus constantly drifting to the internal thoughts plaguing me and found it a little hard to keep up.

* * *

When we got to the school Amanda walked me into the office and asked for my schedule. Sally, the woman that worked in the office with short blonde hair and a friendly smile handed my schedule over to Amanda and we both thanked her and walked out. As soon as we stepped outside Amanda scanned my schedule and her face fell. “Oh no! You have second-period lunch and I have the first period, we’re not going to be able to sit together,” she whined.

I felt a stab of disappointment at the news and I realized I had been counting on being able to sit with Amanda during lunch. “Well, it looks like I have a lunch date with a good book,” I said and smiled and I could see she looked worried for me. “You can’t sit all alone!” she exclaimed, frustrated on my behalf. “Really I don’t mind. You know how much I love to read. I’ll be OK.” I promised.

When lunch rolled around I went to the cafeteria and filled my plate with salad and grabbed some chicken strips and went and found a shady spot to sit and read quietly while I ate my lunch alone.

I continued to eat lunch in this manner every day for the duration of the school year. I never attempted to meet or talk to anyone and no one ever attempted to talk to me. Turned out that even though Amanda and I were at the same school now we really didn’t see each other that much because we had zero classes together and different lunch periods.

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