Page 16 of The Dragon's True Mate

Hadn’t that been the original plan? Sarah’s out of town family were to stay for a while.

“We cleaned up her room today,” the servant said from below.

I stalked to the room that had belonged to Katerina and found it empty and far too pristine. Sadness crushed the hope in my chest. “Why did you leave? I don’t understand.”

She was supposed to stay so we could talk. Why didn’t anyone try to stop her? Everyone knew she was my fated mate, and they all understood how important that was. I’d never have let Sarah walk away from Dymitri!

Is it because they know I’m not good enough for her? That I’m too broken to be a worthy husband?

Were they saving both of us the heartache of disappointment? Could they see how our relationship was destined to crash and burn?

I didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye. Fuck! I’d screwed up royally. If only I’d managed to control myself, then none of this would have happened. We could have languished in our bliss for a while longer, and then I would have gently brought her into my world. But, no, I had to act like an animal. If the situation was reversed, I wouldn’t stay and wait, either.

I sighed and walked toward my room. Anger pulsed through me, and I needed to be alone to squash it down before I destroyed even more of the castle. Why did I have to be such an idiot?

Resigned to my life of solitude, I accepted her rejection with a heavy heart. I could at least make things right for my brothers. They’d suffered a lot because of my lack of self-control. Then once I was done, I’d see to it that I never caused anyone harm again.

My initial instincts had been right. I knew too little about love to be able to give it to another. Fated mate or not, if I couldn’t behave the way a man should, I’d never succeed.

I didn’t try to find Nadia or Sarah. I just changed into warmer clothes and began repairs on the damage I’d caused at the castle, starting with the stonework. Using my body in a physical way kept me distracted from my feelings. Laying brick and mortar down gave me a different kind of satisfaction. With each piece I fixed came a piece of healing to my soul. I might not forgive myself, but I could earn it from my brothers. They’d said it was all water under the bridge, but I didn’t believe them. I could feel the burden I’d placed on them unnecessarily.

A week filled with long days of work passed, then two. My progress on the castle repairs were steady and when I wasn’t fixing what I’d broken, I dove headfirst into training.

I’d always kept myself physically active, but the need to exhaust myself so I couldn’t think aboutherwas great, indeed. If I could lay my head on the pillow at the end of the day and fall straight to sleep, that was a good day. Unfortunately, by that definition, most of my days were bad. No matter how hard I pushed myself, I always had a few thoughts left for Katerina. Memories of her smile, her body, her inner warmth. My inner dragon yearned for her.Iyearned for her. The sweet taste of love I didn’t deserve.

After too many nights without sleep, tortured by my memories, I pushed myself twice as hard.

My brothers checked in on me from time to time. They weren’t wrong to do so, since I was battling depression like I never had before. I did a fairly good job of hiding it. Or so I thought...

“Still sulking?” Dymitri asked one morning.

I glanced up at him and narrowed my eyes. He was leaning against the doorframe and shook his head. “Damon and I have a bet on how long will this pity party continue. He seems to think you’ll bounce back any day now. I, on the other hand, know you’re stubborn enough to do it forever.”

I snorted. “It’s nice to know my misery is amusing to you both.”

“It’s far from amusing, actually,” he said and walked toward me. “I want to lose this wager, so prove me wrong, brother. Snap out of this funk and return to the human realm so you can win Katerina back.”

“She left me!” I snapped. “And she has every reason to. I lost myself in my dragon. I frightened her, just like I did with Nadia. I fucked up, just like I always do. She deserves someone mature. When women say they want a man who would kill for them, they never mean it literally.”

“True.” Dymitri nodded, considering my words. “That being said, I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”

I shrugged. My brother was biased. He was the only person in this world who truly loved me. “She still left.”

“You also never came back.”

I glared at him. “She was about to hyperventilate! What was I supposed to do? Let her pass out?”

“You stay and you calm her down!” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Running away is the fastest way for a woman to feel disposable.”

“Right. I fucked up,” I growled. “And that’s why I’m staying away, because I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to love her and I’m going to keep hurting her. I’m just like Father.”

“No!” He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me hard. “You are not! You are kind and caring. Father would have laughed and tormented her. You left because you were worried for her and stayed away because you’re afraid of hurting her more. Believe me, brother, I understand those feelings all too well. But every morning, I dedicate myself to proving I can be different. I think you want to. You came back. Maybe not when you should have, but you did. You returned.”

I swallowed, looking away, unable to take the weight of his gaze any longer. “I didn’t mean to wait so long. I couldn’t return until I was at peace with myself. Then I got here and unraveled all over again.”

“You didn’t decimate the building this time,” Dymitri pointed out with a smirk. “Progress.”

I let out a sour laugh. “There’s no way I can win her back. She was so frightened. I know it’s a lot to take in, but...”

---