Page 12 of Beautiful Disaster

“Maybe bash me in the head with a baseball bat or toss a flowerpot at my head from my bedroom terrace.” Thank God, she hadn’t heard what I said. But in response to her comment, I needed to end this facade so we could both get on with our everyday lives.

The call dropped out. I tried to call her back, but it went straight to voicemail. I always assumed Desiree had a cool head, who had her collective shit together, but I could see she was unraveling with this situation that was seriously out of hand now.

***Two hours later**

I was typically not a stalker, but I circled the parking lot of the complex to see if she had parked her bike there. After getting a bite to eat and a couple of coffees from Coffee Bean, I was relieved to see her bike parked when I came back. I didn’t care if I was illegally parked. With the cup carrier in hand, I rushed to her condo.

Throwing caution to the wind, I pounded on the door, surprised to hear her stomp down the stairs, opening the door immediately. “Hardin?” Her cheeks were crimson, but she wore a relieved smile, while her eyes welled with tears. She took the carrier and had me follow her up the stairs. That taut ass of hers in my face was arousing me, yet I needed to be clear-headed. I was here tonight for support, not a quick fuck, although that would not happen.

I placed the coffee on the counter before she fell into my arms. Hesitant at first, I pulled her close to me, wrapping my arms tightly around her. She sobbed on my shoulder, giving me the sign that she needed a friend right now, which I was happy to oblige. “This is too much. I can’t sleep, I get no privacy. I didn’t go to work today because of this. I hate crowds as it is. They’re in my personal space, Hardin.”

“I could tell you I understand, but I don’t. I just don’t like how much this is affecting you, so I will offer any help I can to make it go away.”

Desiree lifted her head, boring her chocolate brown eyes into mine. “You’d do that for me?” I nodded, while stroking the fallen tears with my thumbs. I assured her, kissing her forehead, “You’re too wonderful, you know that?” I never considered myself extraordinary in any measure of the word, but it warmed my heart to hear that, especially from the woman I desired for the last year I’ve been working at KWOZ.

“We need to call off the deal.” I didn’t hesitate to tell her, but I had to get it out. I expected Desiree to let out a heavy sigh of relief, but the hurt set in her chocolate orbs. I groaned as immediate regret set in, making me sick to my stomach.

“W-what do you mean you want to call off the deal? I pretty much told you—though, accidentally, how I truly feel about you. Why?” Desiree threw her hands up. “No, you know what? That’s fine. This is the inertia of my track record with men. I am like a new shiny toy with the men and the moment I get one little scratch, they toss me aside.”

Why do some women do this? A man tries to call off a relationship that clearly doesn’t work and the woman throws a pity party. I never pictured Desiree as that kind of girl and now this gave me clarity as to why her relationships don’t work. She took all the blame for the relationship failing and I assumed one or two men did a number on her in order forher to have no confidence in men and love.

“You can’t blame yourself for your failed relationships. Maybe those men didn’t understand you and only had one-track minds,” I said, trying to smooth things over, but the way she stomped into the kitchen, it gave me the notion that I, once again, opened my mouth only to insert my foot.

“Don’t all men have a one-track mind?” She asked and I looked at her wide-eyed. Yeah, guilty as charged, but this girl was stacked, and it was hard not to think of her sexually. Though, Iwas more discreet about it. Okay, until I made the dirty sex comment to her, which was unusual for me to be so bold. She drank half the dark chocolate, icedlatte and exhaled. “That is so good and hit the spot. So, you want to call this off, why?”

“Ummmm, you know what?” I took my coffee, “it occurred to me that I have a really early appointment in the morning and need to leave. Can I come see you tomorrow?” I rushed out of her condo and sat in my car. Why couldn't I just tell her the truth instead of running off like a scared little boy? I pounded the steering wheel, “HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST TELL HER?” I had to clear my head and skid out of the illegal parking spot, nearly hitting the person behind me. I didn’t care, I was angry at myself for being a putz and now I was sure she wanted nothing to do with me.

Sixteen

Desiree

What in the hell has gotten into him? He wants to call off this fake relationship with no explanation why. Men are weird. But rather than feel sorry for myself as I watched some sad love story while downing a pint of Ben & Jerry’s—I decided to get answers to his announcement. Actually, Iwanted to counter the end of Desidin.

The long, hot shower soothed my tense muscles, though it did nothing to relieve the fluttering butterflies in my stomach. I had all day to think about what I was going to tell Hardin, so why couldn’t I tell him tonight after he decided to call it off. Yet, it made me wonder if he felt the same and rushed out of my condo because he lacked the courage to tell me. Hell, I couldn’t read his mind, maybe it was just his way of making a clean break. That wasn’t even a clean break; Hardin was just another man running away from me.

I was dressed in my best and tightest t-shirt, which I cropped years ago. A second assessment assured me it was more like I’d hacked at it with a pair of scissors. My low-cut short shorts were sure to get his attention. “Do I look too sexy?” I asked my Siamese cats who were lounging on my bed, not to expect any response from those lazy asses. Not gonna lie, I was a sexy beast. I worked my ass off for a slamming body. No matter how I looked on the surface, it didn’t help in any relationship aspect.

“You girls be good; I’ve got a man to catch!” Ugh, that sounded horrible. I think I caught him, the man who I waited for far too long. The man who I was meant to be with until death do we part. That was a bit presumptuous, but I wasn’t getting younger, and I had all the confidence that Hardin was the lily and I had to weed out all the dandelions. We’d see if he felt the same way about me.

***

I arrived at his humble abode, which was a swanky, contemporary condo. Hesitantly, I reached out and tapped lightly on the door. Suddenly, the idea that this was a mistake hit me and I turned to walk away until I heard the door open.

“Desiree?” His tone was gentle and welcoming. “Come in.”

I didn’t have to be told twice to enter at his invitation.

His place was as I pictured it would be with modern furniture, wall-to-wall built-in bookshelves with every shelf filled with books. I chuckled at his Golden Knights shrine. “Are you a Fleury fan?”

“No, the team as a whole. I never have a favorite team member. I am actually from San Diego, but they don’t have a hockey team and the Golden Knights is closest to home. Do you want a drink?” Hardin offered. It gave him something to do rather than the uncomfortable pacing.

“Water is fine, thank you.”

“Have a seat, Desiree,” he ordered politely as he handed me a glass of ice water. “It’s Kangen water, supposed to be good for you, but tastes like ordinary water to me. So, what brings you here?” he sniffed at the air. “You planned to come over. You smell like lilacs and Vegas air.”

I chuckled, “Okay. That’s a weird combination but, yes, I took a shower because I stink to high heavens after my workout. You smell Marc Jacobs on me. Anyway, I didn’t come over to discuss my scents.” I sipped the water, which wasreally tasty and decided I needed to get some Kangen in my life. “Anyway, you told me a couple of hours ago that you didn’t want to be in this arrangement anymore.”

“Why do you seem so calm about it?”

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