“That doesn’t mean being okay with everything,” he said. “It might not work for you, and that’s okay. I’m just telling you what helped me.”
“I can’t do that,” I said slowly.
“I gave in to my anger, to the grief, knowing that I couldn’t change what happened, and accepted that my family was gone. It gave me a second chance to become so much more. I took all those broken pieces of me and stuck them back together.”
I understood where he was coming from, but I wasn’t there yet. My surrender wasn’t empowering. It was me giving up. Something I’d come closer and closer to since I found out about my dad and what should have been my destiny. The scene unfolded in my head, of a younger me growing up here instead of in Baldoria. Maybe I would have siblings, or my mom would have turned. So, I imagined her as a vampire, the color gone from her tanned face, her teeth pointed, ready to bite.
“Have you come to a decision?” he asked, snapping me out of my dreamlike state. I couldn’t help it. Even my mom had to explain to people at the guild how sometimes I went off in my head. My daydreams were as tangible as reality, and occasionally, I’d caught myself wondering which version had been more real.
“Sorry?” I blinked twice, noticing we were already standing by the table in the dining area. I took a seat, staring hazily over triangles of sandwiches and pitchers of freshly squeezed juice.
“I should go to the castle, but I don’t know if I want to.”
He picked up an apple and rolled it from one hand to the other. Not to eat, but as something to play with, like Gwen believed I was. “It’s okay to be angry with her,” he offered as if he could read my mind. “Your mom, I mean. She did lie to you, even if it was to protect you. You’re not betraying her by being upset. It’s very…” He tilted his head at me. “Mortal of you.”
I wasn’t sure whether to take that as a compliment or not. “You also lied to me.”
“Yes.”
I shrugged. “It makes me trust you less.”
He placed the apple down, placing all his focus on me, which somehow made me feel far more vulnerable than it should have. “I’m not going to apologize for not telling you while you were acting unpredictably. If I told you the truth, I couldn’t have known what you’d do with that information. You were already processing being here, your father being a vampire, and your mom and friend being gone.” He turned his back to me, looking to the arched, undraped window. “Then there was the betrayal by the ex.”
I took a turkey sandwich and slowly chewed on the crust.
He looked my way. “I know you’re not a flight risk now. At least, you’re not stupid enough to try to leave. Not now that you know what this city can do to you, I’ll be honest.”
“That’d be a nice start.”
His shoulders tensed. “I want you to become queen of Sanmorte,” he said, his expression dead serious, and I burst into laughter.
FIFTEEN
“It wasn’t a joke,” Sebastian stated, his expression deadly serious. “I want you to take Sargon’s place as the reigning monarch.”
I spaced. What did he mean thatwasn’ta joke? “You’re insane.”
“I know it sounds crazy.”
I scoffed a laugh. “Yes, it does, and it’s out of the question. I’d never, in a million years, want to become a vampire, let alone rule a kingdom of them.”
“You could change things here.”
“I don’t care about Sanmorte. Anyway, I thought you were a favorite of the king?” I questioned, not able to bring myself to refer to the king as my dad yet. “Why would you need me to be queen? Wouldn’t that mean he has to die? Some friend you are.”
“Or we can force him to retire,” he added, but uncertainty filled his expression. “There are certain abilities which come with having the throne.”
I didn’t believe that the king of vampires would choose to retire. He would have to die if I were going to become queen. Fortunately, that notion was just as ridiculous. I would never want to become queen, especially one of such a horrid kingdom, and choose to give my powers up.
“One”—I put a finger in the air, leaning forward, my torso pushing against the table—“I will never become queen. Two, why would you want that?”
“Like I said, the crown comes with a particular set of abilities.”
“Such as?” I asked, not because I was considering it, but to know what Sebastian really wanted.
He leaned back in his chair. “It’s a wide collection. One of which is the ability to turn any vampire into ash using a cane carved from the bones of the first immortals to be killed.”
“Lovely.”