Page 127 of The Prayers We Pray (The Path of Temptation 5)

"I want to be more." I pulled my hand free so I could shift to face him. "Nari needs me to be so much more, and I keep stopping myself. I keep having moments where I'm so sure that it would be impolite to shove between them, or that I might make a scene at the wrong time. I am hamstrung as a guardian." I threw a hand up in frustration. "Zeal should've given her to you."

"No."

His word was calm but held no room for debate. Anver's tongue flicked out to moisten his lips, then he sighed, but he didn't look down. He wouldn't even look away.

"Have you listened to her lately?" I asked. "She's worried that she's the reason Maela is dealing with my idiot of a brother. She's rethinking her decisions. Nari needs someone to tell her that she's brave and amazing. She needs a guardian who will whisper to her that she's brilliant, encourage her determination, and know how to hold her up when she's feeling weak."

"And Ela?" Anver asked. "He needs one who'll embrace that darkness and let blood run through the halls. Nari needs a guardian who is strong enough to let her lead most of the time and step up when she can't. I am not that man. I couldn't be. I had the chance and I failed them. I walked away when they needed me most. Oh, I didn't know it then, but now I do. Ciella hurt Ela until he came. Zeal's plans were crumbling around him. He rode Nari as a child because she was strong enough to carry him, and it scared the shit out of me. My desire walked with fucking gods, and I could barely wipe my own ass - so I ran. I ran right into the arms of the weakest, dumbest, most worthless girl in our class, because it was easy. What did you do, Talin?"

"I let my brother hurt her," I breathed.

He reached up to cup the side of my face, making me look at him. "You came back to the temple, were paired with a ward who talked to gods, and your first instinct was to challenge her partner. It was tofight for her,Talin. Maybe you didn't realize the fight you were picking, but you still picked it. When Nyrren became overwhelmed with his sadism, you fought for her. When the High Priest threatened her, you fought for her. When he tried to drown her, you gave your body to your god - so you could fight for her!" He paused, taking a breath as he calmed his voice. "And when your brother tried to rape her, you stepped out of the way so Ela could do the same. You turned her greatest weapon loose, and you didn't run. You didn't try to hide. That still counts as fighting, Talin. Even if you aren't the best weapon, knowing that still counts as being a part of the battle."

I ducked my head and nodded. "I think I needed to hear that."

"So I'll say it again," he told me. "You are her guardian. You're the right one for her, and we both know it. Stop being the dog on a chain, and start being the blade that cuts them down. Zeal didn't pick you because you're pretty - even if you are. He picked you because he knew you, and only you, could keep up with that woman. In case you missed it, Zeal can't."

Those were the words I needed to hear. "I've been trying, you know."

"I know," he agreed. "It's not easy, but you're doing it. I'm doing it. I mean, Wraythe has this shit figured out, but even Ela's doing it. We're all figuring out the men we're supposed to be, and it's ok for it to be messy. There's nothing wrong with making mistakes. I give you my word that I will forgive you for them. Well, the first time."

Which earned him a chuckle. "Fair enough. And you know, I brought you up here so we could talk about you, and instead we ended up talking about me."

Anver just shrugged. "But I really am fine," he explained. "Being with Nari and Zeal that night, I realized that I understand all of you better. I alsofeltthat she's ok with me. She doesn't long for more. She doesn't resent the limits I set. She loves the way I love her, and that makes it all ok. No, better than ok. It makes me feel like I don't have to always tell people I'm asexual. Doesn't mean it'll be easy for me to stop, since it's a habit now, but I kinda think you understand that."

"I do," I promised, shifting back so I could pull him up against my side. He curled closer, so I kissed the top of his head. "I've also realized just how much I don't know about you. Who was Anver before he became an acolyte in the Temple of Temptation anyway?"

He chuckled. "My family lived in a small village north of the city," he said. "My parents loved me, but money was tight. When I was eight, they realized that they couldn't keep me. When I was ten, we lost the house. I didn't understand back then, but my family was evicted, and we moved in with my father's brother. When I turned eleven, they said it was time, so we came to the Day of Surrender. They only allow one parent in, so my father kissed me goodbye, told me he was proud of me, and let my mother take me in. When she saw the black on my hands, she told me that I'd be the next High Priest. I'm not sure she even knew what that meant."

"But they didn't abandon you," I realized.

He shook his head. "No. They explained it to me. They told me why, and that they were doing this because they loved me. I'm afraid it's not a very good story, Talin."

"Maybe not," I agreed, "but it's the happiest one I've ever heard. Have you ever tried writing them?"

"Came back," he admitted. "I'm not surprised. Eventually, they had to get another home. Maybe they had more children. Hopefully their fortunes were better the second time around. I'm also glad they made me a priest. My parents gave me a good life. It's just as hard as theirs, but I am happy. Well, now."

"Now that we're together," I agreed. "I also envy your childhood. It sounds like what I'd always hoped for."

"And yours was what I thought would be a dream," he pointed out. "Funny how that works, isn't it?"

"Almost like we balance out," I agreed. "And thank you. I think I needed to talk more than I needed to listen."

"I will always listen," he promised. "It's what good boyfriends do, right?"

I just laughed. "So I guess this was a date, huh?"

"Mhm," he agreed. "A surprisingly good one. Next time, maybe we can make out a little more."

I just turned his face up to mine. "Promise." And then I kissed him as sweetly as I could.

Chapter 59

Eladehl

When we reached the middle of the week, Saval showed up to our Advanced Sexuality class with another stack of papers. We were all getting used to seeing these, and the volume of conversation in the room rose a notch in anticipation. The four of us found our seats, and then Nari looked over at me with excitement in her eyes. I could already guess what she was thinking.

"Maybe Xenia made her request?" I asked, all but giving her permission to talk about it.

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