Page 23 of Relentless (Dark Confessions 3.50)

“We don’t,” Atticus answered. “But it’s all we have at the moment. If his intel plays out, then I’ll be more accommodating, but as it stands, the Rawles are on my shit list. We need someone to go and speak with the O’Sullivans directly to make sure they’re still allied with us and haven’t been swayed. We can’t take any more surprises at this point.”

An idea started to form in my head, the feeling of belonging surging forward. I’d been running from everything for so long that I hadn’t realized what I needed was right here. The way my dad conned people and stole from others wasn’t good, and I knew I couldn’t go back to that lifestyle. But, it didn’t mean I couldn’t use my skills for good. What if I’d been thinking about this all wrong from the beginning, just like I had with the men in my life?

Life could be what I made it, so I just needed to make it mine.

“I have an idea,” I said, clearing my throat. I didn’t know if I’d interrupted someone, my own verbal dialogue having tuned everyone else out, but at my words, everyone turned, looking at me.

“Yes, Nat?” Atticus asked. I felt Loren squeeze my hand in encouragement. These people were what mattered. This was my moral compass.

“Send me. Like with Delgado, no one will know who I am, and I can blend easily. I can find the information we need to make sure there aren’t any other pretenders.”

“It’s risky. Are you sure you want to do this? Step back into this life?”

“I appreciate you asking, but this is what I want.” I swallowed, keeping eye contact. “Recently, I discovered I’ve been running from the wrong things, and I think this is a way for me to use the skills I have and help the family I love. Because you are my family, and quite frankly, I’m good at these sorts of things, even if I didn’t want to acknowledge that.”

“Okay—”

“May I request to join her?” Beau interrupted, stopping Atticus. He turned to glare at his guard.

“Don’t forget where you are, Beau. You’re one of my most trusted guards, so I’ll let it slide this time. I know it’s your dick talking, which makes me hesitant to send you. I can’t risk you being distracted or too preoccupied that you endanger us all.”

“I wouldn’t.” Beau’s jaw ticked, and I knew he was upset with himself for stepping out of line. I wanted to rage at him myself for thinking I couldn’t do it, but I knew that wasn’t his reason. More likely, Beau wanted to support me and make sure I wasn’t in over my head.

“If I could add something?” Topher asked, raising his hand.

Atticus turned to him, giving him the approval to speak. While I always knew Atticus was a mafia boss, it wasn’t until I’d stepped into this boardroom that I saw it in action. All my previous interactions had been regarding simple things, and while he’d always had that air of danger, this was different.

Now, he gave off the sophistication of a man who could kill you with his bare hands, and you’d smile while you died, thanking him. This was a whole new Atticus unfolding before me. He was someone you wouldn’t want to anger, or he’d take your woman, your job, and your money just to prove he could.

This was The Suit, and he meant business.

“I’ve worked alongside Beau for a while now, and he isn’t the type to be distracted when in action. If anything, I think he’d be more distracted if he was here, wondering if she was okay.”

Atticus pondered the statement, rubbing his chin as he did. After some consideration, he dipped his head. “Fine. Beau, you can go.” He turned back to me, looking me over with a critical eye. “Something tells me you have a proposition, and it doesn’t include tuition money this time.”

“No,” I agreed, sitting up straight and pushing my shoulders back. “I’d like to petition to join the family. I know I’m not a blood relative, but my daughter is. I stayed away at first because I wanted a future for her that didn’t involve crime, but it seems to crop up anyway, and I’d rather her be prepared.”

Loren squeezed my hand, and I turned to her. “Are you sure? Don’t do this just for Jude,” she said, worrying her lip.

“I’m sure, Lor. I’m not doing it just for him. He’s part of it, but also for Lily, and if I’m honest myself.” I turned back to Atticus. “You’re not your father, and I know the life I can have as part of the Mascros will be better than the one where I’m hiding who I am. I don’t want to go back to stealing, but I can’t deny I don’t enjoy certain aspects of that life. This way, I know what I’m doing is helping, and that makes it okay in my mind.”

“Nat, no—” Beau started to say, but Atticus shifted his eyes slightly, and he stopped. He leaned forward on the table, clasping his hands together.

“You know what this means?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll consider it then. Complete this task and get three family members to sponsor your induction, and I’ll approve it.”

Sitting back, I let out the breath I’d been holding. The noise grew around me as they finalized plans and discussed the information they’d learned at the meeting with Ethan Rawles. I caught parts of it, but mostly, I was just trying not to pee my pants as I sat in my chair.

When the meeting ended, Loren took my hand, pulling me into a different room. I looked at her oddly, not knowing what she wanted.

“Yes?”

“I think it’s your turn to, how did you say it?” She tapped her lip with her finger, musing. Her eyes grew big as she looked at me. “Spill the deets for your main peeps!”

Laughing, I sat down with her, trying to find the words. “It feels weird talking about this with everything going on. I feel guilty for even doing the things I did,” I admitted.

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