Page 61 of Pursuing Mr. Mattingly

Chapter Nineteen

July 24, 1819

Oliver felt like a shell of his former self.

His life had suddenly gone topsy turvy and nothing was as it seemed any longer. Two days ago, his wife had more or less told him to go away, that she was giving him his freedom and would pursue the possibility of a divorce if such a thing would even be granted, and that what she’d felt for him had only been based on the circumstances of the that moment.

Had they truly married by mistake? Or worse yet. Had Sophia lied to him about her heart condition merely to justify taking him into her bed?

I simply cannot believe that of her.

It had broken his heart and crushed his spirit. Of course, it would. Such a thing would shatter any man, but there was a chance she’d only spoken those words out of fear or confusion. A person couldn’t be told horrible news one day and then have all that challenged and changed on another mere weeks later without their mind playing tricks upon them.

But he vowed to still do everything within his power to make certain there was nothing wrong with her heart and to discover exactly what it was she suffered from.

After that, if she remained steadfast in her wish to send him away, so be it.

The musings didn’t help the state of his heart. He doubted that if he ripped said organ from his chest it would stop the fierce ache, but he ignored it as best he could while methodically packing a change of clothing into his valise. The earlier plan of riding out of Ettesmere Park neck or nothing for London had changed slightly. Since he wasn’t familiar with the area, setting out alone would prove foolish, so he’d ordered a carriage to be brought around. Taking a driver with him who knew the roads and the directions would be the more prudent plan. It would make for a longer trip, but there was no other choice.

Just as he buckled the leather straps that held the valise closed, Hannah pelted into his room.

She held a basket of wildflowers in one hand, and the colorful blooms temporarily cheered him, but it was the shock and slight betrayal in her round eyes that gave him pause. “Are you leaving?”

There was no sense in lying to the girl; she was too clever for that. Oliver’s shoulders drooped. “Yes.” While she stared, he donned his frock coat of brown lightweight wool. As he smoothed it over his tweed waistcoat, his resolve crumbled. “I am going to London,” he said by way of avoiding an overly complicated explanation.

A trace of a frown took possession of Hannah’s lips, and in that moment, she heavily resembled her mother. Then her eyes narrowed, and he was certain she meant to argue. “Mama told me she’d sent you away.”

“She did.” It was the truth, and this child deserved to know that from both parties.

“So, then, you are just going to do what she says? All of a sudden.” She set the willow basket of flowers on a small round table nearby. “When the two of you have always bickered like people in love do?”

Exactly how much had this girl seen and observed in her short lifetime? Oliver grabbed his beaver felt top hat from the foot of the bed and set it upon his head. Then he pushed his spectacles back into place on the bridge of his nose. “I have no choice.” Neither he nor Sophia could move forward until they knew exactly what her health complications entailed.

“You know, for an ambassador and an intelligent gentleman, you certainly have shown yourself for a bacon-brained idiot.” The insult had been delivered in such a matter-of-fact way that Oliver didn’t know if he should feel offended or laugh at the joke. Before he could respond, Hannah came toward him a few steps. “Will you stay married to my mother now that she might be well?” So much hope and longing rode on those words that his chest hurt all the more.

Oh, how to answer when he didn’t know how to navigate such complicated waters? With a sigh, he nodded. “If she wants me as a husband, but circumstances between us have changed since we married. We are both trying to make sense of it all, and it’s… confusing.”

Yet, here he was, packed and readying to leave while Sophia had refused to see him for the past two days. This was the bedroom they’d shared since their nuptial ceremony, but she had removed to a different room directly following the doctor’s examination.

The girl snorted. “Every day brings some sort of confusion.”

“True.”

She glanced from the valise resting at his booted feet to his face. “Where are you going?”

“As I said, London.”

“Why?”

Ten minutes ago, the answer had been simple. Now, standing before this slip of a girl that knew more than her years indicated, he wasn’t entirely certain. “I wish to gather the best physicians and surgeons, implore them to return to Ettesmere Park with me so they can examine your mother. Perhaps they will have insights into her health concerns.” When the child didn’t appear convinced, he let loose another sigh. “In essence, I want your mother to know there is no danger to her heart, if that is indeed the case.” His own heart squeezed with pain so great that it stole his breath. “And if that is so, I hope that one of these men—or even the most highly rated midwife—can tell us why your mother is feeling the way she is.”

All he wanted was for Sophia to be well or, at least, live out the remainder of her life without worry and hopefully without pain.

Everything else could be worked out after that.

“That is quite sweet of you.” Relief shadowed her eyes. “But she has refused to see you,” Hannah continued as if attempting to work out the problem on her own. “She has even told me not to talk about you with her.”

The pain in his heart increased. “This is so, and until your mother comes to peace with all that has occurred, I rather believe our union will remain strained.” Why wouldn’t Sophia believe him when he told her that he loved her? No matter how their marriage had come about?

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