Page 34 of Panty Dropper

CHAPTER 16

Reagan

“My story?” I swallowed with a gulp.

“Yeah, where did you grow up? How many siblings do you have? I feel like I’m at a disadvantage here. You’ve met my family, you’re sitting in my house, you know where I work, where I grew up.”

“Um…” Considering the way Billy had just opened up to me it felt wrong not to return the favor. The thing was, I was generally a private person. I hadn’t talked to Blaine about my upbringing until we’d been together for over a year. Even then, I’d only given him the highlights, not that he’d ever seemed interested in the novel version. “I’m from a small town in Alabama. No brothers or sisters. It was just me and my mom until I was eight.”

“Where was your dad?”

“He was busy being a husband and father to his real family.”

“His real family?” Billy repeated.

“That’s the term he used the one and only time I confronted him. I always knew who he was. My mom never tried to keep it a secret. Like I said, it was a small town, so we’d see him in the grocery store, or at the ballpark. And since he was a realtor, his face was on flyers and yard signs. My mom would always point him out. ‘Fancy,’ she’d say, ‘that’s your daddy. And one day he’s going to come live with us and we’re gonna have a real family’. The saddest part is, I think she really believed that he would.”

As I told Billy the story, I realized for the first time that my mom had used the same term that my father had. Real family. I’d never put that together before.

Maybe that was why I’d stayed with Blaine as long as I had. Blaine had a real family. He was close to both of his parents, who were still married, and he had an older brother and little sister that he spoke to several times a week. They celebrated every birthday, holiday, and milestone together. The Whitfords had what I’d always wanted. Each other. Someone to depend on.

A real family.

“You said you confronted him?”

“Yeah.” I would never forget that day as long as I lived. I’d woken up and found my mom unconscious on the couch with an empty pill bottle beside her. I was six, but I knew to call 911. When the EMTs got there they had to shock her. I was so scared, I wasn’t sure if she was dead or going to die, so I left and ran to my babysitter’s house.

I saw Billy’s nostrils flare and his jaw tense. “How old were you? When you confronted him?”

“Six. I was on my way to my babysitter, Miss Darla, who lived a few blocks away from me. On the way, I saw him. I’ll never forget, it was a bright, sunny Saturday morning; he was wearing a blue suit and a red tie putting out an open house sign in a yard. I walked up to him and introduced myself.” Tears had been pouring down my cheeks, but I didn’t tell Billy that part. I figured I’d spare him, and myself, from revealing the more embarrassing specifics. “He acted like he didn’t know who I was, but growing up Tina Cox’s daughter, I’d developed a bullshit detector at a very young age. She had a proclivity for the dramatic that I learned to filter everything through. I could see that he was putting on a show in case anyone was watching us. I told him that I was his daughter and asked why he’d never come to see me. He said that he didn’t know what my mother had told me but he had a wife and real family that he loved and that I needed to go away.”

I omitted the part that I’d thought he was going to pull me into his arms and tell me everything was going to be okay. I didn’t share with Billy the humiliating detail that I’d believed, until that day, that my father loved me but just hadn’t wanted to deal with my mother. I kept to myself that it wasn’t until my father looked in my eyes, my red-rimmed, tear-stained eyes and told me to go away that I knew he never had and never would love me.

By the flare of anger that flashed in Billy’s eyes, I could see that he was affected by what I’d just said, even without knowing all the gory details.

His jaw was tight as he asked, “What did you say when he said that?”

“Nothing. I just turned around and walked away.” I ran away, sobbing, but tomayto-tomahto.

“What an asshole.”

I nodded, feeling a little lighter for finally telling someone about the encounter. I’d never told anyone about that day before now. Not Blaine, not Nadia, not Hal.

We sat together in silence for a moment, both drinking our coffee, before Billy asked, “You said it was just you and your mom until you were eight. What happened then?”

A smile instantly spread on my face. “When I was eight my mom met Hal. She was working at the Marriott in Mobile and he was staying there for a conference on labor and arbitration law. They had a whirlwind romance and were married four weeks later and we moved to New York.”

“That must’ve been a culture shock. Goin’ from the small town to the big city.”

“Yeah, I guess it was.” I’d never thought about it like that before. I’d just been happy that I wasn’t the only person responsible for my mom anymore. I didn’t have to worry about taking care of both her, and myself. But I didn’t say any of that. “I remember thinking how tall the buildings looked. And how many people there were. But…I don’t know, it seemed like a fairytale to me.”

“Are they still married? Your mom and Hal?”

“They were, until he passed away.” I felt the sting of tears in the back of my eyes. Which was ridiculous, considering who I was speaking to. Hal died over ten years ago and Billy had only lost his dad a few days before.

His large hand covered mine. “I’m so sorry, darlin’.”

“No, it’s fine. It was a long time ago. I’m the one who’s sorry.” I sniffed as I slid my hand out from beneath his to wipe the moisture that had formed beneath my eyes. “I should be the one comforting you.”

---