Page 88 of Whisper of Surrender (Whisper Lake 2)

CHAPTER 27

Ethan stood out on the deck at Lanterns and stared at the moonlight reflecting off of the surface of the water and relaxed after fulfilling his best man duties for the day. It had been an emotionally draining few hours and he was trying to recharge.

Being around Jess was painful. Physically painful. He’d gone through withdrawals after going cold turkey on her. And now, just seeing her in even this small dose was shooting him back into a painful detox.

He craved her. He needed her. He loved her. Just being near her was a test of willpower and it wasn’t helping that the entire day had been about celebrating love.

Ali and Kade’s ceremony was beautiful, simple, and his favorite part: short. And now they were all gathered for the private reception. He and Jess had given toasts. Ali and Kade had played a video of Patrick from years ago predicting the two of them getting together. It was strange to see and hear his friend again.

It made him wish he had more videos of his dad. He’d been missing him a lot lately. He’d never wanted fatherly advice so bad in his entire life.

From the time he could remember making his own decisions, Ethan had been so sure about them. Things were clear, black and white. He’d known what he wanted out of life for so long. He’d wanted Jess and to be a cop. Now, now he wasn’t sure of either of those things.

His grandma had a lot of thoughts on the matter, mainly that he was “making the biggest mistake of your life by letting that girl go”, but even she’d gotten fed up with him not listening.

He’d been back on the job for a couple of weeks and it just didn’t feel right. And he hadn’t spoken to Jess in a month and that felt wrong. Nothing in his life made sense right now.

Well, except Jess.

She made sense. When he was with her everything was right. And she loved him. At least she had a month ago.

He still couldn’t believe that he’d let her walk out of his house. There’d been so many times he’d picked up the phone to call her or started to run past her house, but he stopped himself every time, because each time he’d start to pick up his phone or get in his car to go see her, he’d imagine Lori’s tear-stained face as she laid flowers on Carter’s casket.

He heard what Jess had said, but he just couldn’t reconcile loving her and the risk that he’d be asking her to take.

When he heard footsteps on the wooden planks of the deck, he glanced up and experienced a split-second of hope. Hope that it would be Jess walking toward him. Over the past month, he’d grown used to experiencing that same flash of expectation. Every time his phone vibrated, he thought it might be Jess. Whenever he was out in town and saw a flash of dark hair, there was a moment where he was sure it was going to be her. If there was a knock on his door, he’d imagine it was her.

The small high was always followed by the inevitable disappointment that came when his brain registered that it wasn’t her.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Bonnie asked as she stepped up to the railing beside him.

“I’m good.”

“Daisy just told me that you’re back on full-time. That’s great.”

“Yep.” Ethan nodded.

“Your dad would be really proud of you.”

Her comment took him by surprise. No one really spoke to him about his dad.

“You know,” Bonnie rested her hands on the railing, “I dated your dad.”

“You did?” That really took him by surprise. He’d always thought that Jess’s parents had been together forever.

“I did.” She nodded. “It was right before John and I got together. In fact, I think that your dad being my boyfriend was what finally got John over his shyness. It wasn’t anything serious, your dad wasn’t really the commitment type and we were young. Really young. But it was a fun summer.”

“Wow. I had no idea.”

Bonnie smiled. “I remember he talked a lot about leaving Whisper Lake. He wanted to live in the city, be a cop, and he didn’t want a family. Even at sixteen, I knew I always wanted to be a mom. He said that he wasn’t ever going to get married or have kids. He said that he’d never forget when two men had shown up at his door to tell his mom that his dad was gone. He said he never wanted to put anyone through that. I have to admit, I was pretty shocked when you—”

“I’m not his. I’m adopted.”

“I know. And that shocked me even more. He chose you. He didn’t just get someone pregnant. I remember running into him at Children’s Hospital in Chicago. I was there with Jess, she was about a year old and he was there getting your medical files to use for your adoption hearing. He told me about the night he found you and that he kept tabs on you. He said that you were his. From the moment that he found you, he’d known that. And whatever happened he wanted you to know that you were loved. You were chosen, you were his.”

Hearing the things his dad had said had a lump of emotion forming in Ethan’s throat. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Mom!”

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