CHAPTER 24
Ali rubbed her eyes and squinted as she held the railing and leaned forward to see into the darkened basement. She’d woken up, gone to check on Ricky, and then decided to come down and get a glass of water when she saw the light on in the basement. Since she’d just seen KJ and Ricky upstairs there was only one person it could be.
“Kade?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
Ali quietly shut the door, clicking the lock behind her as she did. It wasn’t until she was halfway down the stairs that she realized she didn’t need to do that anymore. It was a habit she’d gotten into when she would come down here to cry in the middle of the night after KJ had caught her crying in her room and bathroom one too many times.
She stepped off the last step and saw Kade sitting on the couch in front of the TV. His dad’s face was on the screen but the picture was paused.
“Hey.” He looked up and she could see that his eyes were red. Her heart sank at the raw vulnerability she saw there.
“Hey.” She started to cross the room to him. “Is everything okay? Is your dad—”
His head shook back and forth. “He’s gone. Heart attack.”
“I’m so sorry.” She continued toward him and when she was within arms distance he reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him and hugging her waist.
“I’m so sorry.” His cheek was pressed against her belly as she ran her hands through his hair. She started to ask if he was okay, but stopped herself. After losing her brother she hated when people asked her that. So instead she just repeated, “I’m sorry.”
She hadn’t found out that George was sick until about a year ago. But since that day, she’d wondered how Kade would take it. Their relationship had always been so volatile. She didn’t know the extent of the abuse that Kade had endured but Patrick had told her it was bad. Really bad.
He held her for a few minutes before dropping his arms and scrubbing his hands over his face. She sat beside him and rubbed his back, not knowing the right words to say, or if there even were any. She just wanted him to know that she was there.
“He left me this.” Kade pointed at the screen.
“What is it?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “A message to me. Nancy said he recorded it when he was diagnosed.”
“Have you watched it?” George’s face was frozen on the screen but she wasn’t sure if it was over or just starting.
“Yeah.” His back deflated beneath her touch as he exhaled. “A few times.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“My mom died.” Kade cleared his throat and she saw that his eyes grew watery.
“Your mom?” The only thing Ali knew about Kade’s mom was that she’d left him when he was little.
“Yeah. She didn’t just go to work and not come home. She was killed.”
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” Ali’s chest constricted painfully with grief for Kade.
He stared at the screen blankly. “She was working late. My dad was supposed to go pick her up, but he was at the studio and lost track of time. So she walked.” A single tear slid down his cheek, he made no move to wipe it. “She never made it home. They found her early the next morning.”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Kade.” Tears were now falling down Ali’s cheeks.
Kade’s tone was flat as he relayed, “He said he didn’t know how to tell me so he didn’t. He thought me thinking she was gone and not coming back was better. It worked for a couple years, but when I got a little older and I guess I started asking other people questions about her, so he packed us up and moved us here.”
“I don’t even know what to say…” Ali was trying to wrap her mind around how it would feel to have such a huge part of your life, your identity, be a lie. She’d never known her dad, but at least she hadn’t had a story that she thought was one thing and then it turned out to be another.
“My dad said that every time he saw me the guilt would eat him up inside. He never forgave himself for not being there and I reminded him of that. He was angry. He hated himself. So he drank. And then sometimes he took out his anger on me. That would just add to his guilt, so he’d drink some more. And it just kept going on like that. It was a vicious cycle.” Kade wiped his hands over his face again. “He said he was sorry for making my life hell. He said that he was proud of me and that he loved me even though he was too fucked up to show it. And he said that he was going to get sober and stay sober until the cancer killed him. He said it was his penance for what a monster he’d been.”
Kade stood and ejected the tape from the VCR. “And I think he actually did it. I don’t think he picked up a bottle again.” Kade let out a harsh chuckle. “But, I think it took a lot longer for him to die than he was bargaining for.”
Ali watched silently, unsure of what to say, as he put another tape in the player.