Page 94 of The Lord I Once Loved

My hands were balled into fists. I knew that I should never have been with Juliana. But she had neverbelongedto Turley, and I had hardly forced her to betray him. She had willingly agreed.

And Amelia? The idea that Amelia would belong to me…

I wished it could be true. But that was her choice, not mine.

“You’re insane, Turley.” I said, my voice cold and deadly. “How dare you bring this innocent girl here, of all places.”

“Oh? Here, of all places? You know, I always thought your family was a bit dodgy. My father said that your father was a prick. And I’d certainly heard therumorsabout your mother’s addiction. But I could never haveguessedthe truth.”

I felt my rage intensify.

“Why don’t you tell our little lady guest about your mother, Marsden?” Lord Turley continued, his tone chiding. “After all, we are in her company. Perhaps an introduction is in order.”

I felt my face burn red with rage and vulnerability. I had never told anyone about my mother’s condition, except for the staff I kept on hand to take care of her. I had never told a living soul. In fact, I knew most of the ton believed her to be dead.

I finally looked over at the sofa where my mother was lying. Her eyes, glassy and vacant, were staring up at the ceiling… but I knew that she wasn’t seeing it. She was someway far away… somewhere she would never return from.

That’s where she’d been for years.

I’d visited her a few times in the last few years, but she’d never been able to recognize me, or even offer a single lucid word. And, as the doctors warned me, weaning her off of the drug was too dangerous. Soon, she would succumb to the addiction… but really, I had lost my mother long ago.

All I could do was try to make her last days as comfortable as possible… and, for her own sake, keep her the reality of her condition from the gossipmongers of the ton.

I dragged my gaze away from her limp body, a million emotions of pain and anger coursing through me. I avoided Amelia’s gaze, shame creeping over me.

What would she think about me now?

“How did you discover this house?” I finally said, looking at Turley with venom in my eyes.

“It was a lucky break, really. I have a friend at the East India Company… a distant relative, a real idiot. He said you had a revolving account, and that you were always shipping things discretely. I followed you at the docks and saw you with your little girlfriend. And then it only took a little more prodding to discover that you were shippingopium. And to Hertfordshire! That really piqued my interest.”

I glared at him, feeling Amelia’s wide eyes on my face. I still didn’t look at her.

“Anyways,” Lord Turley continued, “It was easy to figure it out after that. I sent a man to this house to do some investigation, and he discovered quite the secret. Everyone in society had been saying for years that your mother was dead! I’d even thought it myself. But indeed, the reality isso muchmore scandalous.”

He looked over at my mother’s nearly lifeless body.

“Still alive, but addicted to opium! She’s nearly wasted away on the drug, isn’t she? How long has she been this way?”

I glared at him, aware of Amelia’s eyes on my face. There didn’t seem to be any point in lying anymore… Turley knew everything.

“Since I was a boy.” I responded, my voice sounding quieter than I expected it to.

Turley looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

“That long… amazing. You know, Marsden, I never much liked you. But now I get it.”

“Get what?”

“Oh, where you get your own drinking problems from… like mother, like son.”

His words were like a knife. I clenched my teeth, feeling anger, but also sadness. No matter how much I hated to admit it, there was a truth to his words. I had known it since I had started drinking… since I had become the rake I was now.

I was medicating the loneliness of my life with alcohol, just as my mother had done with opium. She had created the mess I was in by effectively abandoning me as a child. But I had bought right into it. I had created an addiction of my own… and now it was finally coming to a head.

“Well, what are you planning to do?” I asked him, my voice cold and distant.

“Easy.” He snickered, flashing his predatory teeth in Amelia’s direction. “I’ll take your wench on as my own. I’m not really that interested in her, but I’m sure I can manage it.”

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