Page 78 of No One Wants That (Blitzen Bay)

“Really? I wouldn’t peg you as a pink person.”

“I’m not really, but it was my grandma’s favorite color. She always wore pink. She said it was on her color wheel.” He laughs and shakes his head. “I’m still not sure what that means, but since she died, every time I see pink, it reminds me of her.”

“Maybe that is her. Maybe she’s saying hi to you.”

“Hmm. I’m not sure I believe in all of that but it’s a nice thought.” He pulls me closer as a little gust of wind hits us. “Do you think your grandma talks to you from up there?”

“Definitely,” I say, sighing. “I talk to her all of the time. She still gives me great advice.”

“Oh yeah?” He points at the sky again. “Ask her what she thinks of the company you’re keeping this morning.”

I turn around and straddle his lap. “I don’t have to ask her. I know she would have loved you. She always told me I needed someone as fiery as I am to keep things interesting.”

He raises his eyebrows. “I don’t think anyone’s as fiery as you are.”

“Maybe not, but I definitely think you’ll keep things interesting.”

“I’ll try my best.” He takes my face into his hands and gives me a soft kiss. “So do you want to try to keep this thing going when you move back from Spain?”

“Yes.” I put my arms around him and bury my face in his neck. “Do you?”

“Yeah, baby. I do,” he whispers, stroking my back. “Let’s keep talking while you get your stuff in order over the next few weeks. Just be honest with me with where you’re at and I will, too. We should be good if we stay open.”

“Okay.” I take a long pause. “Um, I wasn’t totally honest with you about something last night.”

“What?” he says, pushing me back. His eyes are suddenly very hard. “Are you still in that relationship?”

“No. I wouldn’t have lied to you about that. Like I said, we broke up right before I left Spain, but—” I say, looking down. “It’s that note that was under my door last night. I lied to you about what it said.”

He tilts my chin up. “Kit, what did it say? Tell me.”

“It’s not a big deal. My ex-boyfriend, Mateo, called Elle last night. That’s what the note said.”

He nods slowly. “Okay. What did she say when you called her?”

“I didn’t talk to her very long because you were coming back into the room and I didn’t want to ruin the mood we had going. But now, I want to tell you the truth. Mateo’s second guessing the breakup. But I’m not second guessing it at all. I swear. I don’t want to get back together with him. Not even a little bit.”

He shifts me off his lap. “Kit, this is what I was trying to avoid. I know you’re saying that, but when you see him again, you might change your mind.”

“I won’t! Seriously, I won’t.” I crawl onto his lap again. “In my mind, I’ve been out of that relationship for months. It just took coming here to see that. I swear.”

He lets out a long breath. “If you’ve been mentally out of the relationship for months, why didn’t you break it off sooner?”

“Well, officially, I didn’t break it off at all. He did.”

He lifts me off him again and stands up. “Kit, why didn’t you tell me this before? Would you have broken up with him if he hadn’t ended it?”

“Eventually,” I say, standing up and trying to get him to look at me. “I wanted out of the relationship, but it’s my pattern. I don’t like to hurt people, so if I have to make a decision that’s going to hurt someone, I try to push them into making the decision so I’m not the one inflicting the pain. You know? Like I want them to hurt me before I hurt them.”

He turns around and looks down at me. “Yet another reason you should never be in the military.”

I tug on his hand. “Can we resume the sunrise watching? Please. I don’t want to be with him. I want to be with you. I promise.”

He looks at me—the gentle eyes returning. “You don’t have to promise or swear or whatever. Just be honest with me. I appreciate you telling me this, but all of a sudden it’s starting to feel too complicated. I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment.”

“You’re what I want, Butch. Let’s see where this goes. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Because that’s your pattern? You’ll force me into hurting you?”

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