Page 36 of No One Wants That (Blitzen Bay)

“No!” Raine jerks her arm away from Millie and scoots her chair back until it’s pressed against the wall. “No! Millie! Gross. Not his penis, but um . . .”

“But um, what?” Millie grabs the bottle of wine they brought up and screws off the cap. “Someone find me a glass or I’m drinking right out of the bottle. I have a feeling I’m going to need it for this.”

Raine throws her the stack of Solo cups from my dresser and then points at Elle and me. “Girl code. Vaulted. You have to promise.”

“Scout’s honor,” I say, putting up my fingers.

“We promise,” Elle says, pulling my hand down.

“But,” Raine says, looking back at Millie, “you know I’m in the SEALs ready room a lot of the time when they’re getting jocked up.”

“Wait,” I say. “Time out. What does ‘jocked up’ mean?”

“Putting on their battle gear, checking their weapons,” Raine says. “You know, like getting mission ready.”

“Okay, jocked up is my new favorite phrase,” I say. “Continue.”

“So are you saying that you’re in the room when they’re naked?” Millie asks as she shoots at least half of her wine.

“Not naked,” Raine says slowly, “but occasionally I see a butt as they’re putting their pants on. I don’t think some of them wear undies.”

“What?” Millie starts rubbing her temples. “How? How are they not wearing underwear with their uniforms?”

“I think it’s easier for them to go potty in the field if they’re only wearing one layer. Like when they’re in the mountains or something. They want as little trouble as possible.”

“Oh my God,” Millie groans. “This is way too much information. Now I’m going to have nightmares about you seeing Butch’s butt.”

“Well, Butch’s and—”

Millie puts her face in her hands. “You’ve seen Mason’s butt, haven’t you?”

“Just briefly,” Raine says in a soothing tone as she tries to pull Millie’s hands down. “Once. Okay, maybe twice.”

Millie jerks her head back and looks up at the ceiling. “Why have my two best friends seen my husband’s butt?”

“Wait,” Elle says, snuggling onto my shoulder like she’s getting ready for story time. “Your other best friend has seen his butt, too? Did she tell you that?”

Millie chugs the rest of her wine and slams her cup onto the table. “My other best friend is a man—my Godfather, Chase, who also happens to be my dad’s best friend. He walked into our backyard when Mason and I were having sex in the outdoor shower. Chase saw Mason’s butt as he had me pressed up against the shower wall.”

“Wow. Wow. Wow,” I say, pulling a blanket over Elle and me. “This might be the best conversation I’ve ever had. And I’m definitely having a dream about the shower sex tonight. Do you mind if I substitute Butch for Mason?”

“Knock yourself out.” Millie turns to Raine. “Does Mason know you’ve seen his butt?”

“Probably. I don’t know. None of those guys care about what I see and don’t see. They’re not exactly shy. And they know I don’t care.” She grabs Millie’s hand. “I don’t care at all. It barely even registers.”

“Where’s his birthmark?”

“Right cheek,” Raine says quickly. “But honey, you know I have rapid observation training. I’m not going to miss a distinguishing mark.”

Raine pulls the wine bottle away as Millie tries to pour another one. “Red wine makes you stupid hungover. And mixing liquor makes you more than a little crazy.”

“Then I need to get back to my martinis immediately,” Millie says. “The sooner I forget about this conversation the better.”

“Does Mason know his birthmark looks like a heart? I thought it was a tat for a split second.”

Millie rolls her eyes. “Do you really think Mason would get a heart tattoo on his ass?”

“No, that’s why I went with birthmark,” Raine says. “But again, I didn’t look for that long.”

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