Page 5 of The Boy I Once Loved

I close my eyes briefly trying to reign in all the emotions I'm feeling, keeping my back to him I reply. "I'm here until my mum takes up the drink again and forgets she has a daughter."

“She’s doing really well El, cut her some slack.”

I whizz round and face him. How dare he! “Cut her some slack!” I hiss quietly. “You know nothing about this.”

“Actually, I do.” He chews on his lips. “I help your mum out. She pays me to mow the garden lawn and do odd jobs around the house for her. I know how hard her recovery has been for her.”

I laugh then, and he looks surprised and unsure what to do. “Well, let’s all give my mum a pat on the back. Are we done with this conversation?”

He frowns, his blue eyes assessing me. “Don’t be like that. Look I-,”

I don’t give him a chance to finish. The minute the lunch lady gives me my change, I flee and hurry back to my table, leaving him standing there in mid-sentence.

“Everything okay? That looked intense,” Amber asks me, her eyes a mixture of concern and intrigue.

“I’m fine,” I insist.

“Hey Josh, mind if I squeeze in?” The whole table falls silent as Dylan stops at the table. Josh nods and he budges over to make room for him. What the flip was he playing at?

“What are you doing?” I hiss, glaring at him and going red in the face with embarrassment.

He leans his elbows on the table. “I’m not letting you push me away again, that’s what.”

“Push you away?” I scoff in disbelief. “I didn’t push you away, Dyl, you did that all by yourself.”

He looks at me perplexed and hurt. “What did I do to make you hate me, El?”

I sling my bag over my shoulder and stand. “I am done with this conversation. Stay away from me, Dylan. Just let me be, okay?” My last words are almost a plea, and my voice wavers with emotion. Feeling eyes watching me, I walk as quickly as I can out of the canteen. I lean myself against the wall in the corridor and try to calm my breathing.

“This conversation is not over.” I open my eyes to find him right in front of me. His hands are leaning on the wall on either side of my head. “We were best friends, El. I want you back in my life.”

My ability to string a sentence together fades as I look at him close up. God, he is as beautiful as I remember, maybe even more so now. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“Look, I was fourteen Ella. I was an idiot. Are you going to hold that against me forever?”

“You weren’t there for me.” I blurt out and it comes out in a half sob. “The one time I needed you more than ever and you weren’t there. My brother died.”

He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine. “And I hate myself for it, but you told me to stay away from you.” He keeps his eyes closed and I can feel his breath against my cheek. He smells of mints and expensive aftershave. “I’m not staying away this time, El. You can push me all you want, but I’m not going anywhere.”

I duck under his arm and run as fast as I can down the hallway. I hear him call my name, but I don’t look back, I just keep on running, away from the pain and the memories that I thought I had long buried three years ago.

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