Page 82 of The Boy I Once Loved

I shake my head. “You know that’s not true. He ghosted me at high school and dated my archenemy.”

Connor clenches his fist. “Because he’s an idiot, He was confused about how he felt about you and was sure you’d never feel the same, so he pushed you away. Why do you think no other boy ever asked you out at school?”

“Because I’m not pretty enough?” I suggest, and this just makes him even angrier.

"Seriously Ella, you're fucking gorgeous. When Dylan started noticing other boys checking you out, he made it clear you were off-limits. Think about it Ella, why do you think he started something up with Freya? To make you jealous. Why do you think he dared you to kiss him that night at that party? Because he believed the only reason, you'd ever kiss him would be for a dare."

I stare at him, open-mouthed. “You’re wrong.”

He snickers, throwing his hands in the air. “I give up. Everyone knows how he feels about you except you. You’re so blind to it. His eyes eat you up when you’re not looking. Dylan James has only loved one girl, and that’s you, Ella. He’s loved you for forever, and I’m tired of the two of you being too afraid to be honest with each other.” Connor looks at his watch. “I need to go. He’s asked after you. Your name was the first thing he said when he woke up.”

“He’ll hate me,” I whisper. “It’s my fault he got in that car.”

Connor smiles at me sadly. “Oh Ella, he could never hate you. He loves you too fucking much. I guess it’s up to you. You can run away, or you can stay and let yourself be happy with him. I love the both of you, but seriously, I could bang your heads together, you’re both so god-damn infuriating.” He leans his head in the car and kisses my forehead. “Please think about things.” He looks over at my uncle. “Sorry for swearing.”

Uncle matt grins at him and holds up a hand. “No need.”

With one last look at me, Connor returns to his car and he reverses and drives back off down the street. Neither I nor my Uncle matt speaks for a few seconds. “Still want to hit the road?”

I hesitate for a second before I nod my head and concentrate my eyes on the passenger window. It is better this way. If I let myself believe what Connor has just told me, then I open up myself to letting Dylan in, but what if he leaves me? Or we don’t work out and then we can’t go back to being friends?

Uncle Matt turns the radio up and hums quietly to the music as he drives. He leaves me to my thoughts, something that I love about him. He knows when to leave me be and not push me. The song ends and my heart stops in my chest when the next song plays. Rihanna's Umbrella plays and my heart drops into my stomach as memories of Dylan and me together play through my mind, including the night I first saw that umbrella tattoo on his chest. Could it be true? Could Dylan James have been in love with me all this time?

“Stop the car!” I shout out, making my Uncle jump a mile. “I need to go back. I need to go to Dylan?”

My uncle looks over at me and he smiles. “Penny finally dropped, huh? Anyone could always see how much that boy idolised you,” he says as he pulls in and makes a U-turn in the road and drives back the way we just came.

We reach the hospital twenty minutes later, and he drops me at the door. “Go on. I’ll find somewhere to park and come find you.”

"Thanks, Uncle Matt," I tell him with a big nervous smile on my face. This is it. It is do or die time. I can close my heart off and live half a life or I can put myself out there and let myself love someone. I go to the main desk and I ask where he is. The kind receptionist directs me up to the ward he’s on. I pause outside his room when I hear voices and laughter. My heart hammers in my chest as I take a step forward and stand in the doorway to his room. He doesn’t see me at first and I just take a minute to drink him in, the beautiful boy who owns my heart and soul. He looks away from his mum and stills when he sees me and his mum and sister both look my way.

“Ella,” his mum says, smiling. She rushes over to me and embraces me in a tight hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay. You two have both had us frantic with worry.” She looks down at my face, checking me over. “How are you feeling? Should you not be in bed?”

I smile and shake my head. “I’m fine, honestly.” I look past her at Dylan. “Do you think I could have ten minutes alone with Dyl?”

His mum looks from me to Dylan with worry on her face. Leila comes rushing over to her mum and cups her elbow. "Come on, mum let's go get a coffee." She beams at me and winks. "We'll give you guys some space." She hustles her mum out of the room, leaving just the two of us.

For a few seconds, we both just stare at each other in silence.

“I’m so fucking sorry. You’re in here because of me. You must hate me,” I say, unable to look him in the eyes.

“Ella, I don’t hate you,” he whispers.

“I’m sorry I haven’t visited. I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t face seeing you like that, like my brother.” A lonely tear falls down my face. “The thought of losing you, it’s too much. I wouldn’t survive it.”

“I’m fine, Ella. I’m here breathing and fine and I’m not going anywhere. I was an idiot getting in that car, but I was just so angry seeing you with him after we’d had sex. We had sex and then you just shut me out.”

“I thought you’d see it as a mistake,” I admit, twisting the hem of my jacket in my hands, still unable to look at him.

“Ella, look at me,” he demands, and I raise my face and meet his eyes. “How could I ever regret having sex with you? I’ve wanted you for so fucking long. It’s always been you, Ella, always.”

My heart picks up a beat at his words. “But I heard you that day on the back field when you told your friends I was boring and frigid.”

Dylan looks confused for a second. "Ella, if I ever said that then it was because my mates had their eye on you, and I was trying to put them off. Because you were mine and I couldn't face seeing you with anyone else. I was a dick, I pushed you away, fighting how I felt about you." He sighs and runs a hand through his dark hair. "When I found out you'd left town, I smashed my room up. You leaving, devastated me. I was so fucking angry at myself. I lost you and it fucking killed me. I love you, Ella. I've loved you for as long as I can remember. It's always been you."

The sob I’ve been holding in escapes.

“Fuck, get over here Ella,” he says trying to sit up in his bed.

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