Page 79 of The Boy I Once Loved

“Just leave it, Dylan. It was a mistake.” There, I say it before he has the chance to say it to me.

He sniggers and leans back in his seat. “Unbelievable.” He averts his eyes away and I find Connor watching us. He looks at me with such disappointment and sighs before looking away.

Dylan suddenly stands to his feet and downing the rest of his drink he shouts over to the dancefloor. “Freya, get over here.”

She looks over at him, and she practically runs over like a dog in heat. “Come on, let’s dance,” he says, grabbing her hand in his and pulling her towards the dancefloor. I sit there seething as I watch him pull her snugly against his body and moves his hips. She wraps her arms around his neck and grins like the cat that caught the mouse.

I jump when Kyle puts his hand on my leg. “You want a drink?”

I pull my attention from Dylan and I nod my head. “Fruit cider, please.”

Nodding and dropping a quick kiss on my cheek, Kyle heads for the bar. Connor plonks himself down beside me. “So, this is how we’re handling it, huh? You two have sex and you deal it with it by bringing a date.” He shakes his head. “You disappoint me, Ella. When are you going to see things for how they really are? Are you really that fucking dumb?”

I look at him, shocked. “Did you just call me fucking dumb? I’m not dumb. I’m thinking perfectly clearly. It was a mistake, for both of us, nothing more.”

Connor scoffs and shaking his head, he stands to his feet and he sits back down next to Aria. Aria looks over at me and offers me an awkward smile. I sit stony-faced and I watch Dylan dancing with Freya, and it takes everything in me not to storm over there and pull her off him and tell her he's mine. He isn't mine though, he will never be mine in that way and that is for the best. I know in my heart that I'll never love anyone the way I love that boy out there on that dancefloor. No one knows me like he does. He knows all of me, the good, the bad and all the sad and broken bits in-between. I should never have come back here. I'd reconstructed myself over the last three years, and I'd closed my heart off behind a solid steel wall that nothing could penetrate. So that nothing could break me again. I'd not been back here more than a day and I'd let him back in. Love can destroy. Caring for someone, letting them in just led to heartbreak and I've had enough heartbreak to last me a lifetime.

"Come on, let's dance," Kyle says taking my hand in his and leading me to the dancefloor as a slow song plays. I wrap my arms around Kyles's neck and sway with him to the music. Dylan's no longer dancing. He is sitting glaring at me whilst Connor talks quietly into his ear. I can't deal with his eyes on me, stripping me of my armour and exposing me.

“Did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight?” Kyle says, smiling down at me.

“Thanks,” I reply.

He surprises me when he leans down and presses his lips to mine, and everything about it feels wrong. There’s no flutter in my tummy, there’s no burning desire to mould myself against him and not let go. Dylan is the only one who sets my soul on fire. I pull my lips from Kyle’s and put my hand on his chest. “Kyle, I can’t.”

I look over to the table and find Dylan’s seat empty and I hear a bang and see the door to the exit swing shut. “Fuck.” I look back at Kyle. “I’ll explain later.”

I rush for the door and out into the main part of the bar, just as Dylan exits onto the street. “Dylan!” I shout after him and I run through the busy bar. As I get outside Dylan screws off into the road in his car.

“I’ll kill him,” Connor hisses coming up behind me. “He’s steaming drunk, Ella. He’s in no fit state to be behind the wheel of a car. What the fuck have you done?” Muttering under his breath, he heads towards his car and I follow after him. “No,” he tells me firmly, stopping me in my tracks. “Just let me get him. You stay here.”

Nodding my head, I watch him leave and I wrap my arms around myself. I jump when I feel a touch on my arm and Aria smiles softly at me. “Come on, Ella, come back inside.” A tear falls down my face as she guides me back into the party.

Kyle comes over to me looking all concerned, especially when he sees my tears. He wraps an arm around me and pulls me into his embrace and kisses the top of my head.

“You’re kidding me?”

I look up upon hearing a voice I recognise.

Lauren, my brother’s girlfriend, is standing there with a tray of empty drink in her hands glaring at Kyle and me. “You have got to be kidding me, Kyle.”

“Lauren,” I say in shock. The last time I had seen her had been at my brother’s wake. She’d been devastated by my brother’s death and she had cried throughout the service, clinging to her mum for support.

“Is it not enough what we did to him? Now you’re dating his sister. Have you no shame?”

I pull away from Kyle and look from him to Lauren in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

Kyle steps towards Lauren. “Don’t Loz. Don’t do this.”

She snorts and places the drinks tray down on the table beside her. “It’s our fault he died that night, Ella.” A tear falls down her face and she wipes it away. “We were all at a party that night and he found us. He found us upstairs in the bedroom.” She runs her hands down her face. “I’ll never forget the look of betrayal on his face as he stormed out of the bedroom and out of the house. It haunts me many nights.” She turns her attention to Kyle. “He died because of us, and you go and hook up with his little sister. What kind of sick fuck are you?”

A cold, icy chill runs through my body as her words sink in. “He got in that car because of you two. Because you were going behind his back?”

Heather wipes away more tears. “That was the first time, and it was a mistake. I was about to put a stop to it when he walked in on us.”

Kyle turns around and he takes a step towards me. “I tried to get him to pull over Ella, I swear. I jumped in the passenger seat and I tried to reason with him, but he pulled over and shoved me out of the car and tore off down the street.”

I shake my head, taking a step back from them both. “You’re the reason he’s dead. If he hadn’t seen the two of you together, he would have never got in that car,” I sob. “My brother’s dead because of the two of you. How could you do that to him?”

“Ella,” Aria says, reaching out for me, her face fraught with concern. I stumble backwards and bang into a table as my world spins on its axis. I can’t breathe. My chest feels so tight. I run from the party and out into the street and I don’t stop running. Somewhere behind me I hear Aria call my name, but I don’t look back. It pours with rain, and I pull my stupid heels off and throw them on the floor, and then I carry on running. My brother died because his best friend and his girlfriend betrayed him. He died feeling betrayed and hurt and alone.

I find myself at the cemetery and I climb the closed gates and stumble through my tears to my brother's grave and lay myself down, pressing my cheek to the grass. "I'm so sorry, Liam. I had no idea. I'm sorry I kissed him. I miss you so fucking much and it's all their fault that you're not here. How could they stand at your funeral and say nothing about this?" I sob my heart out over my brother's grave until there are no more tears left within me. I'm exhausted. I just want everything to stop. I just wish I could close my eyes and never wake up again.

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