Dylan sighs and runs a hand through his dark hair. “Let’s not do this now.”
I put my drink down and I stand to my feet. “No, let’s do this now. I mean this is what Freya wants isn’t it, to stir the pot like the manipulative bitch she is.”
“Now wait a-“
“Just shut the fuck up Freya,” Caleb orders, shutting her down.
"I couldn't stay in this town a day longer," I say, refusing to let this drop. "It was tearing me up inside. Everywhere I turned reminded me of Liam."
“I know,” Dylan says softly.
I shake my head. “No, you don’t know Dyl. You don’t know, because your brother didn’t die. You’ve no idea what it feels like and you don’t know because you weren’t there.”
Dylan grasps at his hair with his hands. His pain-ridden eyes turning to me. "How many fucking times do I need to say I'm sorry for you to forgive me El? How many ways can I say I'm sorry for being a dick and not being there for you? Are you going to hold this against me for the rest of my fucking life?"
“I’m trying, Dylan. I’m fucking trying.” I reply, being as open and honest as I can.
“I’m going for a walk,” Dylan announces, striding off into the woods. Connor passes his bottle to Aria and chases off after his friend.
Everyone is awkwardly quiet and unable to take any more of this night I announce I'm off to bed and run away to my tent.
I toss and turn in my sleeping bag. There is no chance I’m getting to sleep with all these thoughts running around in my mind. I hear a noise outside the tent and then the sound of the zipper on the tent being pulled down. I roll on to my side and close my eyes tight, pretending to be asleep.
“Fuck,” Dylan hisses as he stumbles into our tent. I hear him zip up the front and then hear him stumble about as he takes his shoes off and falls into his sleeping bag. There’s hardly any room between us when he lies down beside me. “El,” he says softly. When I don’t reply, I hear him release a deep sigh. “It gutted me when you left. I was angry with myself. I lost you and it broke me. When you took a drink before and admitted that you had wanted to die, it fucked my head up. I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist, Ella. You’re my best friend. The only person who truly knows me. No one knows me like you do, not even Connor. I’ll never let you down again, Ella, never.”
I cry quietly as I listen to his words, pretending to sleep deeply. It makes my heart ache to hear the pain in his voice. It cuts like glass to my heart. I have been so busy being angry at him for letting me down that I missed seeing the pain it had caused him. I've built these walls up so tight around my heart because I can't break like I did three years ago. Back then, I'd felt so lost and alone and let down. I've let no one in since, nothing penetrated my walls, but Dylan, he has the potential to bring them crashing down and it terrifies me like nothing else.