Page 55 of The Boy I Once Loved

College is non-eventful. At lunch, the lads all tease Dylan about his drunken antics and take the piss mimicking him singing Rihanna.

“Is that what that tattoo is about on your chest?” One of the footy lads asks as we all sit eating our lunch.

Dylan stalls in eating his food and looks across at him, clearing his throat.

“The umbrella tattoo and the lyrics. You a big Rihanna fan?” His teammate presses him further about the tattoo.

Dylan looks up at him and then over at me. “It’s personal, it has special meaning to me.”

Deep down I know that tattoo is about us and our friendship, but I still don’t understand fully why he had got it, but then again people would probably look at mine and not understand why. That is the thing with tattoo’s, they hold personal meaning to the person who wears them on their skin.

The day I have been dreading rolls round. Today would have been Liam’s twentieth birthday. I often wonder what he would have looked like now and what he would have been up to. He had wanted to go to university and he had talked about studying architecture. Mum had already agreed with Dylan that I could miss college today. She is working a twelve-hour shift at the old people’s home, that is her way of dealing with it and well it is better than her using a bottle or four of wine to deal with this day. Dylan is taking me to the beach today. The beach where we spent many of Liam’s birthdays and it holds such happy memories for me of my brother.

“Hey, you ready?” He leans against our front door frame, his eyes scanning me over, trying to gauge how I am feeling.

I offer him a smile. “I’m ready.”

We hit the road and Dylan puts on some vamps for me and I sit back and enjoy the view as we drive. Dylan lets me be, he doesn't try to engage me in meaningless conversation; he knows just what I need and he gives it to me. When we eventually get there, the beach is relatively empty, all except for the odd local dog walker. Dylan has come prepared, and he sets down a picnic mat and puts up a windcheater as it is not the warmest of days. I can't help but laugh when he pulls some buckets and spades out of his rucksack. We spend our first hour building the biggest sandcastles we can, which included a running moat around the outside. Then I bury Dylan in the sand until he only has his head visible, and I snap some photos and I send them to Connor via messenger. Dylan packed a picnic as well. We have cheese savoury sandwich filler on brown barms and cocktails sausages. For dessert, he has done two small tubs each of fruit and cream. He has really put a lot of thought and effort into our day, and I am really touched by it.

“I have one other thing for us to do.” He chews on his bottom lip. “I don’t know, it may be too much, but I thought we should celebrate his birthday.” He heads back to the car and I gulp when he comes back with a birthday cake with candles. “I thought you would want to sing him a happy birthday.”

I gulp back the tears that are threatening. We both sing happy birthday and together we blow out the candles on my brother’s cake. I look up at the cloudy skies and I pray that somewhere up there he is partying hard and having the time of his life. We stay here all day; at teatime, we head up to the chip shop on the front and have a chippy tea. Then we snuggle under blankets on the promenade and watch the sun setting low in the sky.

“It’s beautiful,” I state quietly. “I hate that he is missing out on life.”

Dylan wraps an arm around me and pulls me into his side. “I know. It wasn’t fair that he was taken from you.” He sighs. “He threatened me once you know?”

I look at him in surprise. “Liam did?”

“Oh yeah. It was one day when we were all at the swimming baths. You were climbing the steps to the slide and he warned me that if I ever hurt you, he would break my bones.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “I can’t believe he did that.”

“He was playing the protective big brother. He thought the world of you.”

I nod. “And I him.” I lean up and I kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you for today. It has honestly been perfect.”

Dylan sits up and he fishes around in his jacket pocket. “I have one last thing.” He holds out a silver chain with a single angel wing on it. “I got you this. I thought it would be something you could wear to remember him by.”

I stare at him and then down at the necklace, and I fill up. “Dylan, you didn’t have to.”

He smiles sadly as he leans in and wipes a tear away with his thumb. “Lift your hair up. Let’s see what it looks like on.”

I lift my hair up and give him my back so that he can fasten it. I look down at the angel wing and turn it in my fingers. On the back, Liam’s name engraved on there. I throw my arms around Dylan’s neck.

“Thank you. I needed this today. I needed you.”

“Always Ella, you can always come into me.” I grin against his neck as he quotes Umbrella lyrics to me.

That night Dylan sneaks up into my room and stays with me. Tonight, I thought I would dream about Liam, about the accident, but I don’t, I dream about Dylan; I dream we are together.

This morning I finally got my boot off my ankle after six weeks and I can’t tell you how nice it feels. It feels strange walking at first, and I now have to go for some physio to help in getting my strength back. I’m champing at the bit to get back on the bike.

Kyle had texted me the day of my brother's birthday to tell me he was thinking of me and missing my brother. He asked if we could meet up Saturday and I had agreed. We were meeting at a coffee place in town at twelve. Saturday is also the night we are going camping, and no amount of moaning to Aria is going to deter her from this trip.

“We’ll take marshmallows so we can toast them,” she grins. “I love sitting around a campfire, there’s something so romantic about it.”

Dylan laughs. “That will be ruined by Ella yelping and continually dodging the moths.”

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