Page 46 of The Boy I Once Loved

I flop onto my back and sigh. There goes my one chance at escaping this place and the feelings that are creeping up on me.

Mum comes home at lunchtime and shouts to me to come down the stairs. I bum shuffle my way down and find her in the kitchen making sandwiches. She offers me a beaming smile and gestures for me to sit at the kitchen island.

“Come sit. I’ve made you ham, cheese and Branston.”

Frowning, I take a seat. Great! Mum wants to play happy families again. She places a glass of Fanta beside my plate and then takes a seat beside me. “How was your day?”

“Boring,” I sigh, swirling my drink around in the glass. “Damn ankle means I can’t get out on the bike or go to the gym.”

She pats my other hand with hers. “It isn’t forever. That boot will be off before you know it. How is school? Are you making friends?”

I shrug, not giving her eye contact. “Not really. Dylan seems determined we spend time together.”

She smiles in encouragement. “That is nice. He’s a good boy and cares about you a lot.”

I take a bite out of my sandwich and nod. “Yeah, good old Dylan.”

Silence follows as we both sit eating. “Why haven’t you cleared out his room?”

I hear the intake of breath my mum takes. “I.., I haven’t felt ready to face it yet.”

“It’s been three years, mum,” I state, picking at my bread.

She nods. “I know, I just..., Once I sort his room, it will be like he was never here.”

I know what she means. It almost feels wrong to suggest we clear out his room, like we are moving on and forgetting him, but walking past that room every day and seeing it frozen in time is too hard.

“We could do it together,” she suggests, and I can tell by the tentative way she says it this that she is expecting a rebuff from me.

“We can,” I reply as a hop down from my seat and leave her sitting there staring after me. There we are, I am trying just like my Uncle Matt asked me to.

I dress in a pretty blue wrap dress and one white pump. The cast doesn't exactly complement the look, but there is little I can do about that. I put my hair half up and pop on a pop of colour on my lips and a quick brush of mascara. I hear the door go downstairs and can hear Dylan's deep voice as he chats with my mum. I still don't have a clue where we are going, just that Dylan has told me to wear a dress. Using the stair rail, I hop down one step at a time and find them both sitting in the living room. He smiles when he sees me and he stands up. His blue eyes take in my dress and he grins wider.

“You scrub up okay, El.”

I smirk in response. “Thanks, I think.”

“Okay. We should get going. I’ll have her home before midnight, Kay.”

My mum puts a hand on his arm and smiles at him. “Ah, I know she is safe with you, so just come home when you are ready.”

“Will do,” he tells her, smiling. “You ready?”

“Yep, and just for the record, I hate surprises.” And I really do. Surprises made me anxious and like I’m not in control and these last few years, feeling in control of everything has kept me sane.

He chuckles as he steers me towards the door. “Like I could forget. I know you too well.”

We pull out of the drive and on to the road and he turns up the volume on the radio. I smile as I watch him from the corner of my eye. He taps the steering wheel to the beat of the music and hums along to the music. He is so gorgeous. I sometimes feel stunned by his beauty. His bright blue eyes sparkle, his full lips tempting in that way he half-smiles. I want to keep hating him, to keep him at a distance so that he can never break my heart again, but it is proving harder than I had thought it would.

“What are you thinking so seriously about?”

I scoff. “Ah trust me, you don’t want to know. My mind is a very dark and scary place to go.”

He grins in reply but keeps his eyes on the road ahead. “I can often tell what you are thinking just by looking at you. I can read you like a book, Ella. No one knows you better than I do.”

My brows knit together in a frown. “You used to know me - I’ve changed.”

He shakes his head and smiles again. “You haven’t changed as much as you like to think you have. Yes, the sparkle in your eyes doesn’t glimmer as bright as it used to, nor do you smile as freely as you once did, but that’s because life hurt you, but you are still Ella. You are still the girl that likes two sugars in a very milky coffee and always eats the edges of her kit-kat before she eats the rest. You are still the girl who cries at adverts and is full of passion about animal rights and injustice in the world.” he pauses, “You’re still the first person I want to come to when my life is turning upside down.”

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