Page 44 of The Boy I Once Loved

“Oh, come on,” Katy teases, “you two must have kissed before. I mean you are like, closer than Ant and Dec.”

“Only once and we were about eight years old, and it was literally a peck. I think it weirded us both out and we never spoke about it again.”

Katy leans her chin on her knee. “I think it’s sweet. Was that your first kiss too?” I nod. “See, that’s just dreamy. Your first kiss was with your best friend. You’ll be like together in your nineties and celebrating being together for like sixty years or something.”

I laugh. “I think you are getting carried away, Katy. Besides, Dylan is into someone.”

“He is?” Katy looks at me puzzled. “Who?”

I shrug and shake my head. “I have no clue. All I know is she is blonde, and he has liked her for a long time.”

“That sucks.” Katy gives me a sad smile. “I honestly thought you two were made for each other.”

I sigh as Aria finishes my braid and holds it together with a scrunchie. “I think Dylan and I will always be just good friends, and that’s okay. So long as he is part of my life, I’m happy with that.”

Katy shakes her head. “That will all change though if he gets with this girl. No more lifts to school and looking after you when you’re hurt. He’ll be too busy doing all those things for her.”

I sigh. She is right. I am a fool to think things would carry on as they are when he gets together with this girl and he will. It is a matter of not if, but when. I have a fleeting idea that I could convince him it isn’t a good idea to tell this girl and then I wouldn’t lose him, but as soon as I get that idea, I dismiss it. He is my best friend, and I can’t do that to him.

Before long, Katy dozes off. Aria throws a blanket over her and then she announces to Connor that she is tired and drags him off to bed. Jack has also passed out and Lucas had taken himself off to the bathroom, looking like he was about to bring up everything in his stomach. Dylan and I play against each other on the x-box for a while, but I yawn and lose concentration.

"I need sleep," I tell him, stretching my arms in the air as I yawn.

"You wanna just crash here or go find a bed?"

“Bed, please,” I reply, stifling another yawn.

Dylan stands and pats his chest, smiling. “Climb aboard.”

I tut and roll my eyes as I wrap my arms around his neck. “I think you enjoy me being reliant on you.”

A smile tugs at his mouth as he climbs the stairs. “What can I say? It’s the caveman in me, wanting to protect my female.”

I go all warm inside at hearing him calling me his. “Except I’m not your female.” I remind him.

“I beg to differ. You are my best female friend; therefore, you are my female.”

I bob my head; it was a fair comment. “So, have you had any thoughts about how you are going to tell this girl how you feel?”

His answer is a deep frown. “I don’t really want to talk about that.”

“Why?” I push, hoping that he has changed his mind about telling this girl.

“I just, I’d rather not, okay?”

“Okay, but if you do want to talk ....”

We’re both silent as we enter one of the guest bedrooms. Dylan heads straight for the bathroom. Being the chicken-shit that I am, I quickly take off my shoe and reach for the lamp and turn it off and huddle down into the covers. I’ll pretend to be asleep, that is the best way to deal with this. The bathroom door opens, and I scrunch my eyes shut and try to regulate my breathing, so it looks like I am fast asleep. I hear him pad over to the bed and then nothing. Is he getting in? Or is he just going to stand there? I get my answer when he pulls back the covers and the bed dips as he climbs inside. He moves so he is right behind me and he slides his hand over my waist.

“Good night, my Ella umbrella,” he says softly, kissing the back of my head.

I lie deadly still. Like a deer in headlights. I feel his warm breath against my ear as he breathes in and out. I am well and truly fucked. Dylan James was never the boy I once loved. He is the boy I still love. He has been my favourite person since we were tiny. Somehow the boy with the cheeky grin and piercing blue eyes had become a part of my essence. What if after that kiss he feels something? What if we decide to see where this goes, and it goes horribly wrong and one of us hurts the other? What if by seeing if there is something more, I lose my best friend? Was this worth the risk? The risk of losing one of the most important people in my life. I have already lost so much in my short seventeen years. I had lost my brother and for the last three years I had lost my mother to the bottle. My heart aches but I know I can’t risk losing Dylan, so no matter what I feel for him, I need to lock those feelings away and tell myself I want nothing more than friendship.

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