Page 84 of Tough as Steele

Iris stepped to Londyn, her footfalls tapping on the wood floor, and swept her into a hug.

“Mom, please.” Londyn’s tone expressed her mortification. “We’re working.”

Her mother leaned back but didn’t let go. “I won’t hide my feelings for you, and I’ll stand up for your safety. Always. But Iamsorry if that embarrasses you.”

Londyn gave her mother a long look, and Nate couldn’t put a label on the emotions that flickered like a strobe light in Londyn’s eyes.

“You’ve stepped up,” her mother continued. “Taken over Thomas’s role as a leader in the family, and I know the stress and strain that puts on you.” She slid her hands down Londyn’s arms and took her hands. “I couldn’t protect him, but I can at least put out a warning to keep you safe.”

Tears glistened in Londyn’s eyes.

“You’ll work until you drop to make sure the business doesn’t suffer. And you can’t deny it. But remember, honey, it’s just a business. It’s secondary to family. Don’t risk your life to keep it going. We can’t lose someone else. We just can’t.”

The pain and anguish in Iris’s tone cut Nate like a knife to the heart. He glanced around the room. Gene’s head was bowed, his eyes closed, his hands clenched in his lap. Tears shone in the other women’s eyes.

A wave of sadness washed over him, carrying memories of losing his parents one at a time. He’d felt the knife in his chest for a year at least after his mother died, which made breathing a strain, and he’d had to focus on taking one breath after another to keep going. To put one foot in front of the other. To get on with life when he wanted to die too.

That was what Gene and Iris were doing. And Nate could completely understand how much they feared losing another child. How could they ever overcome that loss? The words he’d said to Londyn about God giving us what we need versus what we want came to mind. There wasn’t a single day ahead that God hadn’t already seen, but did Nate really know what that meant? How deep what God wanted for him could cut? How much one person could suffer to bring glory to God in all things? Nate could do so much better than he’d been doing. Be a better man. A better Christian. A better witness.

But when push came to shove, did he have the kind of faith to withstand another loss? Mimi would be hard to lose, but Clarice? He couldn’t bear that, could he?

He had to get this meeting over so he was ready to help Clarice if she heard about Mimi and needed him. He turned his focus back to Londyn, who was hugging her mother again.

She leaned back. “I’ll be careful, Mom. I promise.”

“And I’ll hold her to that promise and be on top alert for her safety,” Nate said, making sure his voice held the sincerity he felt.

But what if he failed? Londyn could die. He could lose her too. He’d come to care for her in such a short time and couldn’t bear to lose her this way. But did he want a commitment with her? Could he let go of the loss in his life and move on? Because it was becoming clear that he hadn’t completely worked through his loss. Ironic that he was trying to minister to Londyn when he needed to hear the same words of comfort.

Iris looked at him for a long time, then gave a sharp nod. “It’s clear you care about her, and I believe you will.”

“Mom!” Londyn said.

Iris kept her focus on Nate. “You do, right? Care about Londyn?”

“I do.”

There were gasps around the table, but it was Londyn’s gaze burning into him that grabbed his attention. He expected she would tell him to keep the personal things to private moments, but she gave him a shy smile that made him want to leap the table and draw her into his arms.

“Good. Good.” Iris smiled, and for the first time, Nate saw a bit of Londyn in that smile. “I’ll grab a full pot and cups in case anyone else wants some.”

Londyn turned to watch her mother head for the door. Nate spotted that same look as earlier, but now he thought it was a longing or wistfulness. Did she really want a relationship with a significant other but couldn’t risk it? Was it the same with him? Did he really want it? Yeah, with her. Yeah, he did. Even if the chance of her dying was higher than for the average civilian. He had to put everything on the line to live a full life, including his own fears. He would do that. If he could.

Londyn’s phone rang, breaking the quiet, and he was glad for the interruption.

She answered. “Sierra. Putting you on speaker so Nate and my family can hear.”

“The blood found in Jessica’s trunk.” Sierra’s strong voice came over the speaker. “It’s animal, not human.”

Nate shot up in his seat. “What in the world?”

“I also lifted hairs from the trunk,” Sierra added. “A deer.”

Nate shook his head to try to process the news. “Someone shot a deer and dumped it in her trunk, alive?”

“Looks like it.”

“But why?” Londyn asked.

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