Page 102 of Tough as Steele

He nodded. “You wanted to hear about it, right?”

“Only if you want to tell me.”

“A lot of it I can’t talk about, but I can tell you about the toll it can take on you. That I only survived at times because I had God on my side. So many others didn’t, and the life got to them. Messed with their minds. They turned to anything they could find to alleviate the pain.”

“Is that why you left? The stress?”

“That and the incident with Holt took all the joy out of the job. You don’t turn on a team member and feel good about yourself, even if it is to support another teammate. Plus, I knew my decision to report him would mean he would have to leave the team. Leaving is like having your family ripped away. We might be a bunch of unrelated guys thrown together, but the bond is deep. A lot of the guys don’t have strong family lives outside of the team. When I turned him in, I knew I was exiling him.”

“So when men had to leave the team, it must’ve felt a little like when you lost your parents.”

“Yeah.” He shook his head to clear the memories. “Holt probably became what he did due to my actions. I don’t feel guilty. He was wrong and had to go. But I do wish it could’ve been different. That Holt wouldn’t have taken Mimi. That you wouldn’t be standing here like this.”

“You have a good heart, Nate Ryder. And that’s one of the things I like so much about you.”

His heart soared under her kind words. “Backatcha. Getting to know your family a little bit shows me where your goodness comes from. Family is everything to you, and I respect that. Now that we have Mimi back, I’m going to do a better job of staying in touch with her and Clarice.”

“They’re lucky to have you.”

“Nah, I’m the lucky one.” His emotions were running wild, and he took a breath to get them under control again.

“Just a few more minutes, ma’am,” the tech said. “And you’ll be free to go.”

“What are you going to do when he releases you?” Nate asked.

“Run away. Fast.” She laughed, but it was forced.

“I have a better idea.”

“What’s that?” she asked, her gaze darting around like she was desperate to escape.

He locked gazes and willed her to look at him instead. “How about I hold you? I think this calls for a serious kiss.”

“Here?” Her voice rose. “In front of everyone?”

“Here. In front of everyone.” He firmed his voice to sound convincing when he didn’t know if he could pull off a public display of affection. As a SEAL, he’d been trained not to draw attention to himself. To blend into his surroundings. He’d continued to live with that motto in his life.

You’re not blending in real well right now, are you, buddy?

What he needed to remember was one of their unspoken mantras.

Failure is not optional.

Never. And with something as important as finding a mate for life, which would begin with his commitment to her today, he wouldn’t fail.

Stand still. That’s it. Just stand. You can do it.

Londyn tried to listen to her self-talk, but she wanted to flee on her wobbly legs. Her brain kept telling her to do so. So did the adrenaline coursing through her body. Neither, thank you very much. In this case, stand and focus on Nate. He stood strong in front of her, and if she focused on the caring in his eyes, she just might pull off the hardest thing she’d ever had to do.

Or maybe, if he really did kiss her here with her fellow law enforcement officers looking on, that might be the hardest. She’d worked so hard to develop a professional demeanor and reputation, and kissing another detective at a crime scene would strip that away. She would never live it down. Neither of them would.

But did it matter as much as showing this incredible, wonderful man how she felt about him?

Not at all. She wasn’t one to make a spectacle of herself, but if he wanted to kiss her, to acknowledge his feelings for her, then she was in. All in.

“Okay, ma’am, we’re clear,” the tech said, sounding hollow in his helmet. “You can stand down now.”

“Really?” She stared at him.

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