Page 71 of Chosen Road

“Sorry!” I raised my hand in apology, my eyes on my rearview mirror. The man’s face morphed from anger to horror. Facing front, my foot slammed on the brake, my heart in my throat as I barely missed hitting the bus stopped in front of me.

“Oh, God!” I drew in a deep breath, my hands on the wheel shaking. “Settle the fuck down, Amber,” I yelled.

I took another deep breath, placed my hands at ten and two, and took my closest right-hand turn to get off the main street before making my way to Yiayia’s on the back roads.

Seeing Ruby’s car in the driveway put my mind immediately at ease. She was home. Safe.

I swung the front door open and stepped inside. I waited a moment for my eyes to adjust to the light before venturing further inside.

“Amber? What are you doing here?” Ruby asked, surprised.

“I stopped into Spuds to see you and you weren’t there. When I saw the sign on the door, I worried that you were having trouble.”

“I’m not one of your patients, Amber,” she snapped, and my stomach grew heavy with dread.

“Ruby,” I whispered. “What’s wrong?”

She threw her arm out at me. “You want to go all big sister on me, but when I want to be there for you, I’m just Ruby the flighty ass screwup little sister!”

“What? No!” How could she think that? I wouldn’t have been able to function at all this whole past year without her. A thought occurred to me. “Is this about Angus again?”

“Not just about him, but yes. You want to help me, but you never ask for help. You give me advice, but you never want to take any.”

I pulled in a deep breath and walked into the family room, tossing my purse over the chair, and flopping down. It seemed I had a gift for not telling people how I felt about them. I needed to be more like my sister, able to express my love.

“I’ve never needed to ask for help, Ruby. You’ve always just given it.”

Minty let out an unladylike snort and my gaze swung to her, registering her presence for the first time.

“That’s what I told her,” she explained.

“It’s true, Rubes. You’re the one who refuses to ask for help. You’re the one who always has to do things the hard way. If you’d accept a little help, you’d be much less stressed all the time and you’d have a much bigger life.”

I wanted more for her. I’d always wanted more for her. It’s why I pushed her to go to B.C. for university and I stayed home. Ruby was full of life and sunshine and zany adventure, and then it all came crashing down a-fucking-gain.

Her jaw hit the floor and she sucked in a breath ready to give it to me. I quickly mentally rehearsed what I’d just said, looking for where I went wrong. I was the one with the famous temper, but Ruby was no slouch.

Minty leaned forward into Ruby’s line of vision. “You’re both suffering and upset. You’re both going through a lot right now. Take a breath before either of you say something you’ll regret.”

I sat forward in the chair, my hands clasped in front of me, those damned tears striving to make another appearance. I could not tell her about Gus. He was mine. Mine to love, mine to protect, mine to care for.

“He’s my husband, Ruby,” I whispered. “I can’t betray him by revealing his sins to you or anyone else. The only thing I’m able to take from you is exactly what you’ve given me, and I need it, Ruby.” Oh, God, my voice was cracking. The words always did this to me. Easier by far to keep them inside. “I need your calm acceptance. I need your shoulder bumping mine. I need you beside me while I work this out.”

I need, I need, I need. Need left me standing outside on the driveway. Need ripped my beating heart out of my chest and tossed it on the ground.

Ruby stood and crossed the room. She wrapped her strong arms around me, and I shivered. It had been so long since I had been held like a mother is supposed to hold a child. I encircled her tightly, using her body, her steady presence, to quell the shaking in mine.

“I’m sorry, Amber.” She rubbed my back in a calming circle. “I’ll be here. I promise. You don’t have to say anything.”

The surge of relief stole my voice, and I could do nothing but nod. I wondered if my hands continued to tremble because of worry over Ruby, the near car accident, or relief over having her back in my corner.

“I’m so sorry, Amber. I thought I was just a tagalong to you and Minty.”

I swiped my fingers beneath my eyes. Maybe I could give her a little more truth. “You’ve never understood what you mean to me, Ruby. You think I don’t remember that day?” I watched my shaking finger trace the crescent-shaped scar I left on the tender flesh of Ruby’s inner arm the day my mother left. “You’ve always been there for me. Let me be there for you a little, too. Just because we don’t need the same things from each other, doesn’t mean we all don’t need one another.” I hazarded a glance at Minty. “Minty, too. We need each other. It’s not easy out there.” I forced out a laugh.

Ruby pulled me up off the chair and over to the couch where she and Minty bookended me. “Have I really been so averse to help?” She asked.

Minty and I looked at each other and laughed. “Yeah. You have. Why don’t you accept help?”

---