Page 4 of Chosen Road

“Oh, really? You think she could do a better job than I do?”

I huffed in exasperation. “I didn’t say that! I don’t think shecoulddo what you do. I simply said you have no free time and maybe you could get an assistant or something to do whatever you don’t have to do yourself!” My temper flared and I swore to myself I wouldn’t tonight. I took a deep breath. “I miss you, honey.”

“Gus,” her shoulders fell, defeated. “I can’t not do my job. These kids have nobody.”

“I hear you. I do,” I reiterated seeing her doubtful glance. “But we need you, too.”

Her shoulders tensed up again and she spoke carefully and evenly. “I’ve never not been there for Alex.”

“I never said you haven’t,” I agreed, but left out the obvious fact that it had been a long time since she’d been there for me. It wasn’t all her fault. The more she pulled away, the less I did to ease her way. That was something I could rectify.

“What can I do to make things easier for you, honey?”

“Don’t try to save me, Gus. I don’t need saving,” she retorted.

That was rich coming from her, and my frustration boiled over. “Me saving you? What are you talking about? You’re the one who’s on a mission to save the fucking world, Amber, and there’s no room for me, for us, in your goddamn plans!”

I hadn’t brought it up since, but it was always on my mind.

I turned off the fireplace and refocused on Alex.

He stood with his legs akimbo. “Dad, I was thinking, if we moved all the Star Wars Lego to one place,” he waved his arms around and then pressed his palms together, “we could make Lego planets!”

Internally, I groaned. I caught Amber’s smirk directed at me. It made me smile that we could share that small moment. We had only just finished spreading the Star Wars Lego out over the table so they could fly to different galaxies.

“I think that’s a great idea, buddy. Before we start moving things, why don’t you come up with a plan for all the Lego planets and where they will be?”

The three of us spent the next hour sitting down with paper and markers, a U-shaped map in front of us, while Alex ran back and forth between us and the table, cataloguing his collections into planets.

Finally, he yawned and stretched.

“Time for bed, agori mou.” Amber stroked his silky hair off his forehead.

“Not yet, Momma,” he protested.

“C’mon,” I interrupted. “I’ll race you. See if you can get your jammies on before I close everything up down here.”

He leapt to his feet and pointed at me. “You’re on! I get a ten second head start!”

Amber turned and followed him upstairs, counting out his ten second start.

I watched them leave, and the loneliness that hovered all day on the fringes of my consciousness rolled in to fill the vacuum created by Amber and Alex’s absence. I wondered when that had become a daily occurrence.

By the time I finished up, Amber was back to sitting at her desk, steam rising from the cup of tea beside her. Upstairs, Alex waited for me to tuck him into bed.

This was the time of day Amber and I used to cherish, turned toward each other in our bed, getting caught up on each other’s days. An hour later, she’d be wrapped around me, moaning into my neck, her hands running up and down my spine.

I checked the locks, set the alarm, and grabbed a bottle of water.

As I did most every night, I headed upstairs by myself. I paused on the staircase. The light from her monitor illuminated her pretty face. She looked tired. I wondered if she was lonely or if she missed me at all.

I called to her softly, “Goodnight, baby.”

She didn’t look up from her computer. “Mm-hmm.”

I wondered how much longer I could go on like this.

Chapter 2: You’re All I See

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