Page 138 of Chosen Road

These dates are the most important in my life. Everything I have, everything I’ve ever worked for, leads from and back to these two dates…

“…when I vowed to love you forever, I meant it. My heart is forever linked to yours, as yours is to mine. No take backs…”

“…I’m so worried about you, honey. You’re fading away. I beg God to take away your pain, even at the cost of losing you…”

“…nothing makes sense when I’m not with you. You’ve entrapped me, and I’m a willing prisoner…”

“…whether you want me or not, I’m going to be the man you love. I am your beloved…”

“…Throughout this ordeal, Yiayia has been my peace. A link to you, a link to our history, and she gives me hope for our future. Thank you for giving me Alex, thank you for giving me a family…”

“…God touched Jacob on his hip, rendering him helpless before Him, and he walked forever after with a limp. Without you I am weak. God has granted me one strength, and that is to love you…”

“…three triangles to represent you, me, and Alex. I’m the big one, covering both of you …”

Dear Amber,

Funny thing happened today at work. My assistant, Caden, was helping his niece with her school project. It was all about names, the meanings of names, and how much importance people place on the meanings of their names.

For a joke, we looked up our own names. Apparently, Angus means ‘one strength’, or ‘one choice’.

It struck me that the meaning of my name is of utmost importance to me, though I didn’t know that until now. My one strength is my love for you, and by extension, Alex. My one choice is, and will always be, to love you.

My name gave me direction.

My name led me to the greatest peace and happiness imaginable.

My name guides my future and every decision I will ever make.

My name reminds me of what is truly important in my life, and that is you.

My name means one choice, one strength. That one, is you.

I was made for one thing and one thing only, and that is to love you. I choose to do that for the rest of my life.

Because to do anything else, or anything less, would be to forsake my own self.

All my Love,

Angus.

Thirteen months of letters to coincide with the ink on his body. Thirteen months where he remained steadfast while I strove to escape the pain. Thirteen collections of thoughts and feelings poured out on paper because I was not there to receive them.

I organized the letters according to date.

I matched his words to the ink I traced nightly on his body.

I noted the last two letters, where the tone changed, from one of sorrow and resignation to renewed determination.

Thank, God.

He held steadfast for thirteen months. He ruled his emotions. He contained his reactions. He fought his demons. He gave me space, and trust, and time. He loved me for thirteen months without wavering.

I could do it for thirteen hours until he got home.

Chapter 46: Conversations

Gus

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